I take responsibility for my emotions and no other adults’

January 2, 2015 by Joshua
in Awareness, Models, Perception

I believe that whatever someone does, ultimately I am responsible for my emotions. Someone can try to make me feel unhappy, but they can’t unless I let them.

I didn’t always feel that way. I used to blame others for how I felt. Maybe someone more skilled at making me feel bad could outdo my skills at resilience, but it hasn’t happened yet, at least not since I started developing emotional skills. And if it did happen, I would use the occasion to motivate myself to improve my skills.

Many people blame others for their emotions. I don’t find that perspective helps. Like other cases of blaming, the belief underlying blaming, however palliative, undermines your ability to learn emotional skills to improve your life.

I welcome readers to expand my horizons with counterexamples, but I can’t think of a case where a mature, sane adult benefits from abdicating responsibility for their emotions.

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2 responses on “I take responsibility for my emotions and no other adults’

  1. Brief and enlightening, this post should be stickied!

    • Thank you!

      It took me a long time to get this point. Once I got it a lot became clear. I find it liberating. For example, when I hear someone complain about being outraged or offended by another person’s free speech, I think to myself, “If your outrage or offense is a problem, you should learn to fix it. Imposing on others, especially their right to free speech won’t improve your life like learning to understand and manage your emotion will.” Of course, usually they’re trying to impose their values on others, not make themselves feel better, but this perspective protects against that imposition.

      Please share the link.

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