Reply To: Exercise 9: Second Personal Essay
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Before joining this class, I knew taking initiative was valuable. I’d heard many people speak about how valuable it was in the professional world and I received compliments on my own initiative many times. After two months of deliberate initiative-taking, I think it’s probably the most important skill to develop. Initiative comes in many forms and I feel as though it is more like a trait (like charisma, for example) than a skill (like writing, for example). Although the word trait often makes people think it’s something you have or not, I know for a fact they are able to be learned and developed just like any other skill. I describe initiative as a trait because once you develop it, it becomes natural and part of you, just like charisma or being funny. Whereas writing is something that you do with conscious effort. Often taking initiative is nonconscious.
That all said, I’m not suddenly a lifelong initiator. I’ll have to continue practicing forever. Through this class, I’ve leveled up my confidence beyond what I ever expected. By the time we’re done, I will have probably contacted over 50 strangers and had conversations with 20-30 of them. Coming up with a project that was mine but required the advice and help from many others has been a wonderful process. I felt responsibility to continue developing it each week. Pretty early on, I had people expecting me to create this group and let them know how it went. With each conversation my people skills grew and my shyness fell away. I still feel like somewhat of a burden when I ask others for advice, but much less than when I started. I’ve noticed that the simple action of contacting someone with intention and a clear(ish) focus, is very appreciated. People want to help but they can’t help if they don’t know you want it.
Interestingly, I’ve learned a lot of other things about myself since we started in July. Some of these are very likely related to the exercises and taking initiative while others may not be. An important part of this learning process has been balancing my time, energy, and motivation. My motivation peaked around weeks 4-6 and I was working on my project every chance I had. This was fun and exciting… until it wasn’t. My flame has since fizzled a fair amount. Currently, I’m not super motivated (hence finishing this essay late) but I’m here, showing up. In the moment, when I had so much excitement and motivation, it was hard to reign myself in and say no to more work or more conversations in order to sustain or preserve some energy and motivation for the future. Though it’s kinda fun to experience the peaks of nonstop work, eventually the valleys remind me why it’s important to set boundaries and maintain a balance. Just as discipline and deliberate practice are required for work, I think they should be applied to play, too. I realized that I need to schedule in time to relax, recharge, and nourish myself in other ways before I crash and end up doing nothing but relaxing and recharging. Eventually, the pendulum swung too far and I was neglecting the majority of my healthy habits in favor of “burning the midnight oil” (though I did manage to keep a somewhat consistent early bedtime :)). Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the work. But I suppose that was part of the problem. To keep this from becoming a self-therapy essay, I’ll move on from this topic and end by saying that I’ve spent more time focusing on myself the past couple of weeks and now the pendulum is returning to the middle. To address my lack of motivation, as many of you know, I try to live by the phrase, “mood follows action.” Because it truly does.
In addition to learning more about balance, I really appreciate that Josh wasn’t lying when he told us that through the exercises we will better understand what’s important to us. He spoke of all the “shiny objects” that naturally pull our attention in many different directions, making it nearly impossible to fully connect with what is most meaningful to us. Just as I am not suddenly a lifelong initiator, I am not suddenly cured of my propensity to pursue the next exciting thing. However, my focus is narrowing and my true values are becoming clearer. I remain very open-minded to the possibility that I don’t quite know my true passions and values yet. But I feel different. I feel like I have a better idea of how to figure these things out.
Last week, Josh brought up the word “decide.” He explained how the ending, “-cide” is just like in “pesticide.” It means to kill or get rid of. So, deciding is less about choosing what to do, where to go, how to do it, etc., and more about choosing what not to do, where to avoid, or how not to do things. This is a tough concept to grasp and I ended up taking it a little too seriously. I stripped so much away — thinking they were all shiny objects — to focus on my project and the bare essentials. In doing this, I’ve realized that many of the things I was avoiding were actually critical to my wellbeing. Their necessity was not obvious in the moment or day-to-day life but over time their absence has become clear. I need them to sustain a happy, healthy lifestyle.
So, I don’t want to get rid of all these things or potential paths. But by avoiding certain things, it doesn’t mean I can never return to them. That door might just be closed for now, making it easier for me to walk past and explore the next door. If, through my exploration, I realize the next door isn’t quite right, I can always go back. Josh made it clear that switching topics is not something we should avoid. In fact, he explained that many students do exactly that as they learn what really matters to them. It’s a bit of tricky wicket isn’t it? We want to avoid jumping around from shiny object to shiny object, but we also mustn’t be afraid to drop an interest or project that no longer serves us. The difference is the former is superficial while the latter comes from a deeper connection as a result of doing the exercises.
Josh was also right when he explained to us at the start that as humans, we tend not to pursue or speak about what is most meaningful to us. We keep these beliefs and passions much closer to us in order to avoid ridicule or failing in something so personally important. It’s easier to have the same “passions” as everyone else. To go with the grain. Again, I’m still figuring out my true passions and identifying the less important shiny objects. But I really appreciate that through this class, I’ve been invited to explore this. And with seven other people doing the same thing, I am privileged to have the opportunity to accept the invitation and go against the grain with some support. Meeting every Sunday, hearing everyone’s challenges and successes is hugely validating and encouraging. If they can do it, I can do it. And if I can do it they can do it.
All my life I’ve strived for independence. As a young kid I remember always feeling frustrated when older kids or adults would let me win games or sports. I felt like I didn’t deserve it and like they were patronizing me. This has persisted into my young adulthood and often to my detriment. For whatever reason, it’s a common reaction for me to assume someone is being patronizing. Maybe in some ways I still feel like a kid who doesn’t know as much as everyone else or isn’t as strong as my peers or whatever it may be. When I embark on new goals or make changes in my life or even begin planning something with/for others, I tend to do so quietly, without asking for help. I want to do it myself and usually feel like involving others will make it harder. But then, I sometimes get frustrated when I’m left doing all the work. I know that including others, working as team, asking for advice, and sharing the responsibility is almost always better than going it alone. I’ve been able to see this play out in this course. My project would be nowhere near where it is now without all the great conversations and support from others. It would probably just be an idea that I concluded would be too hard or wouldn’t work. Instead, I’m going to host a meeting in a few weeks. Working with others and asking for advice is scary because I have to be vulnerable and I have to consider perspectives other than my own. I have to relinquish some control to others. As scary as it is, it’s worth it. It feels so good to let go.
Though recent progress has been marginal, my project is coming together. I plan to host a meeting or two before I move back home from New York. To remind you, this will be a meeting for animal advocates to feel supported by one another, socialize and make friends, and learn how to engage with the most effective animal advocacy that is also most interesting to them. Despite my desire for independence as described in the last paragraph, I’ve learned that I am a much more social creature than I thought. I typically lean more to the introverted side but I get so much from social interactions. I love talking to others and I especially enjoy when I can give them meaningful advice or guidance. In addition to aligning very strongly with my own interests, my updated project seems to fill a need. In almost all my conversations for this project, the person mentioned the importance of a strong social connection and feeling supported and heard. So, I pivoted from an original idea to focus on improving communication skills as an advocate to a combined group for socializing and advocacy improvement. I switched from improving communication to a sort of effective advocacy mentorship process because many people currently working in the space reminded me that there are much more effective and impactful ways to advocate for animals than through conversations. Since I will be moving out of the area, I’m not sure that my project will blossom into what I envisioned. Still, I want to go through the process of organizing and hosting at least one gathering and see what comes of it. Perhaps it will morph into an online group. Maybe someone else can pick up where I leave off. I could try implementing it back home or wherever I end up next. Even if nothing comes of it, that’s okay too. At least I will have tried.
Somewhat surprisingly, I feel I have made leaps and bounds towards my goal of finding a full-time career in animal advocacy. Because of my project, I’ve connected with many people already working in the space who have seen my motivation and initiative and might be able to connect me with job openings. I’ve also connected with many people in the same position as me, trying to get a foot in the door and finding where they best fit. I’ve made new friends and even strengthened existing relationships. The joy and energy I got from conversations about my project inspired me to call other friends and family just to chat.
I feel like I could continue to go on and on in this essay. Evidently, I’ve learned and changed a lot since July. Much of this can be attributed to Initiative, some of it unrelated (I think). I’m not yet clear on what I want to spend the majority of my time doing, which is fine. In some ways, more doors have opened up to me as possible entry points to a life full of joy and meaning. I’m excited to explore them all and although I know some are shiny objects, I feel capable of identifying those faster and moving onto the next. I don’t want to be afraid of running full-speed through these doors. I think now more than ever is the time for me to do exactly that. Try and fail learn and try again.