Reply To: Exercise 3: Inner Monologue
Inner Monologue
Initial Reflections
I carried a tiny composition notebook that’s somehow stayed with me for at least 10 years, rarely getting used. I tried to record my thoughts three times each day but sometimes I only did it twice. It’s been a super busy week so although I know I’d probably benefit from doing it more, this was what I got.
Josh warned us that at first, writing our thoughts will feel like drinking from a fire hose. That was a pretty accurate description. The moment I went to write down my thoughts, they’d totally change and I wouldn’t even know what to write because they were coming and going so fast. It’s quite fascinating to actually sit and observe your thoughts. Our minds are definitely never blank — even lifelong monks say their mind is crazy. Looking back at the exercise description, I’m realizing I may have messed up a little. The goal is to “capture a thought, remember it, and record it independently of what you’re thinking while writing.” I did that sometimes, but other times, I’d let the first thoughts go and write down the thoughts that came up while writing. Or I’d write about what I was thinking, but not what I was thinking.
Reflection Questions from the book
Did I notice any trends in my inner monologue?
I was typically a bit all over the place, confused, and unsure of myself. But also curious and intrigued.
Did I notice common thoughts?
Yes, definitely. Basically every time I ended up thinking about whether or not I was doing it right. As I wrote, I would think, “are these my actual thoughts or are they descriptions of my thoughts?” I also commonly thought about how I’d like to be better at this. A few times my thoughts were literally nonsense like this: “ba ba pa pa ba daaa. Songs are nice.”
How do I think my thoughts compared to others’?
I imagine there are similarities. I think we all naturally want to be good at things, so I bet others experienced those thoughts as well.
Where and how might I apply my experience to the rest of my life?
It was nice to pay closer attention to my thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes it felt quite powerful to reflect on where my thoughts were coming from. I was able to recognize that some thoughts are very silly, don’t necessarily mean anything, and certainly don’t need to be acted on. I hope to continue noticing my thoughts and get better at not acting on the ones that don’t serve me. There are a couple of unhealthy habits/ways of thinking that I would like to stop, so hopefully this will help. As the week went on, I think I did get better.