Reply To: Exercise 6: Unwanted Beliefs

by Jim Jenkins
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Home Forums Leadership Course 2024 Exercise 6: Unwanted Beliefs Reply To: Exercise 6: Unwanted Beliefs

#20296
Jim Jenkins
Participant

6- Beliefs that contribute to unwanted emotions

Preamble: I kept losing the thread of what I was supposed to do. Write beliefs that contribute to emotions you don’t like. It also implies in the subtitle of the chapter section that these beliefs will be unwanted but does that always hold true? Some of my beliefs I’m fine with but the unwanted emotion comes from me knowing that there isn’t alignment between what I say my belief is and my actions. Maybe it depends on how I write the belief? Quite a quandary.

1. I feel resentful and discouraged at work when there is insufficient airtime in meetings for me to present innovative ideas to problems that are being discussed.

Counter measure. Senior leaders don’t have much time to listen to ideas and blurting out a number of them to anyone dilutes the total impact. It is too much to focus on and maybe in these situations I’m taking up too much air that limits contributions from others. Instilled a practice of recording my ideas as I have them, hold them, a Watch for this and acknowledge the effort of those spoken of and speak to the teams effort as well. Make surnd limit myself to contributing only one idea that I think is the best towards the end of the conversation or meeting. That will make that one idea stand out more strongly. The other ideas can be held for later discussion.
This solution includes listening more deeply to the conversation and me talking less, to identify the real problem, not just the symptoms. My underlying belief is a good leader is one who values contribution, gives space for people to contribute their ideas and speaks last. So I shouldn’t get fussed if others speak first. Wait for my moment later on and be brilliant with the one thought or idea that is most insightful.

2. I feel resentful and depleted that myself and the team aren’t recognized for the effort we’ve made to resolve tough issues or troublesome situations in the past , especially when the credit goes elsewhere.

Counter Measure: I follow up with the team to tell them that I understand and appreciate their effort and take action to recognize them to others. If it is a team situation, make sure I’m putting more focus on them rather than me. If it is myself and I’m feeling unappreciated, think about what I’ve accomplished and why I may be feeling that way. Was I holding true to my values?

3. I believed little to no action would be taken to address the negative work environment and leadership problem within a merged department we were in. This generated considerable frustration, anguish, cynicism, demotivation for me.

Counter Measure: I was stuck and feeling helpless and at my limits and the best way out to overcome my emotions was to start changing myself and began what has become a multi year reinvention of me through learning, discovery, coaching and practice. This journey has been quite uncomfortable at times but the drive to create a new identity has been stronger.

4. I believed in the past that giving leaders the same level of details about a problem and it’s solution as I would want was needed to get a decision and at time have been discouraged by the mediocre response to my work. Leaders have even less time than me and more issues coming at them. It was disrespectful of their time to think they should hear me out and did not acknowledge they were probably 10 steps ahead in their thinking.

Counter Measure: I was providing information at a tactical level and needed to shift to a strategic level about the bigger picture.

5. Sometimes I keep myself busy just to avoid facing what is really important to me and that creates internal conflict on what to cut out and the reality that life is short and I can’t do it all.

6. Often I feel like I’m tilting at windmills when I take action to create positive change and it doesn’t appear valued by the organization.

7. I’ve believed hard work alone is enough to get ahead and have been frustrated when I don’t and others do. This is an emerging realization that self-promotion is also needed, not something I’m accomplished at.

8. I’ve believed in perfection for most of my life but have realized it comes at the cost of progression. Grappling with that discord.

9. I believe I don’t spend enough time with family to justify my belief that it is important which is probably part of my feeling unsettled and unhappy at times.

10. Taking the time to plan a project for success is important and I get angry at myself when I don’t have one and impatient with others when they don’t.

11. The company reorganization and cost cutting initiative we are in will go bad for a lot of people in the short term but good in the long term for those who are open to new opportunities.

12. I believe I’m an effective leader of people who listens, responds and has the backs of employees at heart. But how good am I really? Every time I learn something new about leadership, I think there is less I know. It is very frustrating.

REFLECTION
1. How did this exercise compare with listing my beliefs?
Much tougher to think through. I keep getting tripped up on defining my belief that is causing the trouble.

2. Was I able to separate my beliefs from the emotions created?
Yes I believe so in some cases but I’ve probably not gotten to the bottom of all of them. More work needed.

3. Was I able to separate my beliefs from my identity?
Some beliefs I would say I want to be a part of my identity but I don’t think I am living up to them so I have two identities, the real one and the desired one.

4. How did I feel while considering beliefs and emotions?
I’ve been challenging my mental models as part of my reinvention. It is empowering to connect what I’m feeling with why I’m feeling it. I can see how my mental models restrict my sight, hold me back from the bigger picture.

5. How did the feeling change over through the exercise?
A lot of confusion

6. Did awareness make the emotions stronger, weaker, different?
DIFFERENT: Facing the unwanted emotions and understanding where they come from feels good. Now I can do something about it.

7. Where and how will I apply what I’ve learned in my life?
Challenging my own mental models makes me a better person in a multitude of ways, less judgement, more possibilities and opportunities fewer blind spots, increases my potential to make a difference.

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