Reply To: Exercise 11: Avoid imposing values
Avoid Imposing Values
I caught few examples of using the “imposing values” words. When I did recognize using them in speaking, I felt like a big “GONG” go off in my head and I immediately reworded what I said to more of an “I statement”, using a statement of my feelings as opposed to my judgements.
The most glaring example that comes to mind is when I was out with my sister and brother-in-law listening to music. The waitress automatically brought water in plastic cups and I moaned. My sister said something about a message on the side of the cup about recycling and my response was a very emphatic “yeah but that’s bullshit”. My sister recoiled and I recognized my behavior as EXACTLY the opposite of what I want to do and having exactly the opposite effect that I would like to generate. I then said that what I meant was that very little plastic is recycled and that I wished I had told the waitress I didn’t want it before she put it down. The energy of my statement stopped conversation and took some time to dissipate.
Another time I recognized that I used the word “good” in an email response to Josh’s birthday greeting to me. On this occasion I didn’t recognize my use of the word until the next morning when I was meditating and I “saw” the word in my head and it made me laugh. He expressed appreciation in his email and I appreciated that. I said something like I was glad he experienced my having brought some “good” things to his life. On further reflection, what I wanted to communicate was that I appreciated his sharing some of the ways I had touched his life.
One of the things I appreciated most about this exercise was taking Hayden’s comment about being a beginner to heart and approaching it with “beginner mind”. I had a meditation that exploded with recognition that “beginner mind” is the source of awe and wonder, of being present in the moment. This prompted me to approach this exercise with fewer preconceptions.
One of the places I most frequently saw these words was in my inner monologue. “I could have done that better”, “I’m always wanting to do my best”, etc. I will continue to watch in this arena as well as in the world around me.