Reply To: Exercise 11: Avoid imposing values
Avoiding imposing values
I wrote reflections for each week of this exercise. I noticed changes in my communication skills from week 1 to week 2. It became more natural for me to avoid good, bad, right, wrong, etc. It was fun and interesting. Moving forward, I’d like to pay closer attention to the reactions of others if I can pick up on them.
What fraction of my value-imposing words do I think I caught?
Week 1: I think I caught much more than I did last week. Maybe 70% or more. I still used them plenty, but after catching them, I was able to rephrase, which was fun.
Week 2: I think I caught even more than I did last week. I honestly think I caught almost myself nearly every time. This didn’t always mean I stopped myself from saying them, but I at least realized after the fact. If I didn’t catch myself ahead of time, I could backtrack and rephrase whatever I just said.
Did I notice changes in others’ reactions?
Week 1: I noticed changes in other classmates’ reactions when we chatted. I didn’t notice much with anyone else.
Week 2: Same as week 1
How do I imagine the different responses feel?
Week 1: I could imagine them feeling more genuine and interesting to others. We’re all so used to the classic “I’m doing good” or “good idea” that other responses are probably way more interesting. I think my new responses described my true feelings and ideas with more depth.
Week 2: This is also the same as last week, but I believe it more strongly after practicing for another week: I could imagine them feeling more genuine and interesting to others. We’re all so used to the classic “I’m doing good” or “good idea” that other responses are probably way more interesting. I think my new responses described my true feelings and ideas with more depth.
How did I express myself without those words?
Week 1: It was fun and honestly felt a little more authentic. Instead of automatically replying “good” to the question “how are you?” I started saying things like, “I’m enjoying life right now” or “I like the way my day is going” or even going straight into describing the day itself. I was creative in self-talk and in my responses to others.
Week 2: Like last week, it was fun and felt authentic. I came up with more new responses and I found myself naturally more interested in the other person. I’d emphasize that my thoughts were from my perspective which I think made it more meaningful — it meant being slightly more vulnerable. Because I’m still new to this, I had to think more and stammer through my responses sometimes. Which, in a way, I think made the interactions more authentic.
Do I think others noticed a difference?
Week 1: Maybe a few times. Maybe more and they just thought to themselves “that was a different response”
Week 2: I was becoming so much more aware that I felt like others were noticing, too. But I didn’t pick up on any clear signs of others noticing a difference.
Where and how might I apply my experience in the rest of my life?
Week 2: I’d like to continue being more thoughtful about the way I respond to questions like “how are you?” because saying “good” is just so boring and the real answer is almost always more nuanced. I also want to continue saying things like, “I like that idea!” instead of saying “great idea!” There are other parts of my life where I’ll definitely be happy to start using good, bad, right, wrong, etc. again. It is really interesting to think about how impactful word choices can be.