Doof brings you predictable, reliable pleasure. It works every time. You don’t have to think about anyone but yourself. You don’t have to prepare anything. It’s clean.

Local fresh produce takes more effort to select. It can be bad sometimes. It’s messier. It takes planning. It’s different every time. You have to think about other people. You may have to put their considerations before yours.

Doof disrespects other people. It minimizes their role, almost to where you can imagine they don’t exist. If you did know their role, you’d feel ashamed of paying to put them in that role. You can tell yourself all you want it provides meaningful employment, but no one who didn’t have to do it would. You consume doof when you’re too young to know any better.

In all these regards,

Doof is to local fresh produce as masturbation is to making love.

I’ll copy the paragraphs above so you can read them, substituting masturbation for doof and making love for local fresh produce. The main difference is that your life is better with zero doof.

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Doof brings you predictable, reliable pleasure. It works every time. You don’t have to think about anyone but yourself. You don’t have to prepare anything. It’s clean.

Local fresh produce takes more effort to select. It can be bad sometimes. It’s messier. It takes planning. It’s different every time. You have to think about other people. You may have to put their considerations before yours.

Doof disrespects other people. It minimizes their role, almost to where you can imagine they don’t exist. If you did know their role, you’d feel ashamed of paying to put them in that role. You can tell yourself all you want it provides meaningful employment, but no one who didn’t have to do it would. You consume doof when you’re too young to know any better.

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Again:

Doof is to local fresh produce as masturbation is to making love.

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