A longer essay than I expected

I decided to answer each question included in the book so I can have a clear, structured starting point to look back on. You can read my essay on my blog here.

What motivated me to take the course and do the exercises in the book?

Truthfully, I was motivated to join Initiative for reasons I explained in that personal essay, but was not quite as interested in Leadership. When signing up for Initiative, I knew it was a package deal but didn’t think much about the second part. That said, I had a feeling that I would enjoy and benefit from this one, too. Having finished Initiative and experiencing many other great things in that same time, I am very motivated to do the exercises for Leadership. I think my motivation is possible because of the benefits I’ve received from Josh’s other classes and the communities I fell into because of them. I can only imagine these benefits will continue to compound. Josh did mention in the first class that there will be a time where we feel like we’re moving backwards instead of forwards. He said it’ll very likely be really hard at times but the other side is amazing and rewarding in ways I can’t imagine. I was skeptical when I joined Sustainability Simplified in the spring, and even more skeptical when I started Initiative. But now, I’m pretty much on board.

What do I expect to gain from the experience?

Put simply, I expect success. What form that success will take I have no idea. I like to refrain from expecting much from anything. Not because I don’t want to be let down, but because I want to enter new experiences with an open mind. That said, some other things that come to mind are: challenge, fun, growth, community, friendship, clarity on my goals and values, an improved ability to lead myself and others, and awareness and humility necessary to continue improving.

What motivated me to pursue leading in general?

Leading has been part of my life for a while. In many ways I think it just fell into my lap early on and I just believe I was leader from then on. Recently, however, I’ve taken a much more active role in leadership. I recognize that I already have a fair amount of experience leading others and am kinda okay at it. I also recognize how valuable it is to be an effective leader. I see how ineffective many “leaders” are and I hope to avoid being like them. I’ve come to learn that true leadership takes many forms — I think I can even be (and sometimes have been) a leader as a temporary intern with no prior experience in the field. I’m excited learn a lot more and help the world as best I can.

What do I think about leadership?

I think leadership is valuable and needed. I can’t think of any circumstance in which being a good leader and having well-developed leadership skills wouldn’t be helpful. Most people I know speak about how we need better leaders in all fields. And I agree with Josh that we’re desperate for real leaders in the environment. I hope to be one.

What are my models for leadership?

I’m not really sure I have any. Or maybe I don’t understand this question. Coaches, parents, bosses, team captains? I think I immediately think of people with high status and/or high paying jobs who give speeches and influence others. I know leadership is much more nuanced than this, though. I view people with strong listening skills, compassion, initiative, determination, open-mindedness, respect for others, curiosity, and integrity as great leaders. Leaders also need to act in accordance with what they say/believe. I really like Josh’s definition of leadership: helping others do what they want to do but can’t see how.

Who are my role models?

I have many role models. Everyone in my family is a role model for me in at least some capacity. My dad definitely sticks out, though. He’s been a man of few words my whole life. He leads through his actions. Growing up, I witnessed — on many occasions — him talking with people I didn’t recognize in Lowe’s (or some other store) for what felt like forever. At the end of these conversations I’d ask who they were and often he wouldn’t be able to tell me their name. But the person certainly seemed to like him a lot. As I got older I realized he was rarely contributing much to these conversations, he would just listen. I realize now that he was contributing much more by listening. That’s why people like him so much: he listens to them and gives his two cents where they’re needed and nothing more. I don’t remember him ever explicitly telling me to work hard but the message was loud and clear from his actions; always sticking his neck out for others, fixing things around the house, coming to my soccer practices and games, and rarely complaining.

My late grandmother, Nena, was also a great role model for me. She exuded compassion, empathy, love, and service like no one else I’ve ever met. Similar to my dad, she acted more than she spoke and when she did speak it was pure gold. She always put others first, and seemed to always know what everyone needed. I try to live like Nena: constantly looking for ways to help — big or small, but always meaningful.

My sister, Spencer, is another role model of mine. She is huge reason that I’m committed to the environment and animals as much as I am. She always listens to me and gives relevant advice, encouraging me to act on it only if it feels right for me. Spencer is also really good at acknowledging others’ feelings and thoughts for what they are; she rarely lets her own perspectives get in the way of understanding the other person. I feel really lucky to have a great relationship with her.

Lastly, I’ll highlight my highschool soccer coach, Matt Blue. He was a fantastic coach and mentor for me as a young man. Coach Blue died earlier this year, a little more than a year after being diagnosed with stage four colon cancer. I could go on and on about the lessons he taught me in highschool, but I think they can all be summarized by his outlook during his year with cancer. At a fundraiser for his benefit in spring 2023 he gave a short speech. In addition to thanking everyone for being there and supporting in different ways, he shared wisdom that I’ll never forget. He told us to appreciate all parts of life: the joy and excitement, the mundane and boring, and the really shitty parts, too. This isn’t a new philosophy by any means but to hear it coming from a man experiencing these aspects of life so acutely, it became more real. All parts of life, all emotions are valuable — in and of themselves as well as for the way they help us gain perspective. I think because I knew Blue so well before his diagnosis, I could look back and see how he practiced this philosophy his whole life. Like my dad, everyone loved him. He talked a little more and was a goofball, but that didn’t prevent him from leading with integrity and action.

What works for me when I lead? What doesn’t?

Acting on the skills I mentioned above always seems to work very well. Actions really do speak louder than words — I’ve had several people recently recognize the consistency between what I talk about and how I act. They told me they respect me and have felt inspired. But I know to be a more effective leader I need to do more than act in line with my values. Nothing else matters without the corresponding action — others will always do what you do, not what you say — but I think its time I engage more with the people I want to lead. Other things that work: asking questions, connecting to values, connecting people to each other, affirming ideas (and respectfully providing counter ideas), having fun, following up with people, giving space for their interests/passions/motivations to emerge, offering advice when they want it, and giving constructive criticism after telling people what they did well.

Telling people what they should do almost never works. Treating others as if they have the same experiences, values, interests, and perspectives as me is a recipe for disaster. Giving unsolicited advice stinks. Talking more than the other person usually doesn’t help much. Getting angry or irritated is of course useless. Holding myself above others (by using jargon or obscure references or just exuding that sort of energy) feels wrong and makes people shut down. Acting in opposition to things I say or believe is a great way to fail as a leader. Many of these things that don’t work come from a place of ego; entering the conversation or interaction thinking I know what’s best for them instead of with curiosity to work with them to figure out what they want/need.

Where do I want to apply my leadership skills?

Everywhere, I think. My current understanding is that a good leader isn’t necessarily leading everything all the time. They know when to step back and let others take the wheel. So, I think if that’s true, I’d like to apply my leadership skills in all areas of my life: personal and professional. I can get specific, however, and say that I’d like to apply leadership skills to sustainability, conservation, and activism. Josh defines leadership as “helping others do what they want to do but don’t know how” and that’s what I want to be for people and myself. I want to empower myself and others to make meaningful impact in whatever shape that takes for them.

What is my history with leadership — first memories, best and worst memories, and so on?

I feel as though I have a pretty long history of leadership. Despite being quiet and somewhat shy for most of my life, I think I’ve always gravitated toward leadership positions. As I think more about earliest memories of leading others, it seems like it has sort of been a self-fulfilling prophecy (I think I’m using this phrase correctly). I’m not sure I can pick out an early, clear example but I just always remember assuming the leader role in school projects. Then, perhaps after a few instances like that, I accepted that story about myself: I’m the guy who leads the group. And yet, I can think of plenty of times where I was reluctant to do so. I don’t think I was always competing for the spot with others. I see it more like the leader role needed to be filled and since no one else would fill it, I did.

A couple of weeks ago I was working with a group of highschoolers who were volunteering at Five Rivers to install a fence around one of the gardens. One girl was working much harder than the rest and she was leading her classmates rather effectively. Her teacher commented on her leadership and the girl said something like, “I just take charge because no one else will and if that happens, then its just chaos.” That pretty much sums up a lot of my experiences leading. Though I usually enjoy and value leading others, it sometimes felt like an obligation, especially for school projects.

Perhaps I’m not giving myself enough credit. I think I’m a pretty good leader and maybe others see that in me. One standout memory (that is really many memories combined) is being named captain of my first club soccer team. I joined in middle school and only knew two other kids on the team. During our first practice, my new coach put me on defense, my first time ever playing there. I played defense basically the rest of my “career.” At our first game, when the referees asked for captains, my coach sent me and one other teammate. I was confused as hell. Almost everyone else had been playing together for years, just under a different coach. Now all of a sudden I’m a captain? Yep, and I remained a captain for all five years I played club soccer. I was also a captain of my high school team my senior year, and captain of my community college team as a freshman and sophomore. I felt pretty confident leading my high school and college teams, but club was different. I was never super close with most of my teammates, I was probably one of the worst on the team, and I didn’t talk much. Memories of club soccer are riddled with feeling small and like I didn’t belong. My coach and teammates would get frustrated with me for making mistakes, leading me to feel scared to make more, which would of course result in more mistakes. I stuck with it, though, and I improved as a player and captain. Still, I think I left a lot to be desired as a leader. But my coach never took that role from me. It really makes me wonder how different my leadership history would look if I hadn’t been randomly selected as a captain in 8th grade.

I’m realizing a key issue in the way I judge a leader. During club soccer, I felt undeserving of my captaincy because many other players were more talented and athletic than me. Then, when I felt confident as a captain in high school and college, it was largely because I thought I was more talented and athletic than most of my team. Intellectually, I’ve known this to be flawed for many years, but I think I still judge myself and others in this way. It’s silly because if you looked at the top ten soccer teams in the world, you’d find that the most talented player is rarely the captain. The captain is the person who can bring the best out of everyone else. The captain leads through their actions and disposition more than their words or skills.

I have one particularly bad memory of leadership that is very similar to a story Josh often shares to demonstrate where he started as a leader and what people get wrong about being a leader. My second year playing soccer at Chesapeake Community College we stunk. We lost most games by more than four goals. I was a captain and the best player on the team. But I didn’t really know how to lead. I thought I did. I couldn’t handle the fact that we stunk so bad. Worse than that, the team goofed off way too much (in my eyes). It drove me nuts that no one wanted to play as hard as I did. It didn’t take long for me to start yelling at my teammates. Of course, tough love is necessary sometimes, but that’s not what I was providing. I even remember yelling at a teammate, out loud for all to hear, “what are you doing!?” I’d shout, “c’mon!” I’d scream for the ball or bark instructions, thinking that’s what I needed to do. If they could just do what I tell them to do, we’d be better. One game, as we prepared to defend a corner, I was yelling to no one in particular, “c’mon mark-up, what are we doing!?” To which a teammate replied, “don’t just yell at us, tell us what to do.” I’m not sure how I responded but it probably wasn’t a good response and I knew they were right. I haven’t thought about this so deeply before and I’m realizing just how much it must’ve sucked to be my teammate. They were probably afraid of me or hated me or both. Early in the season the athletic director came to watch us practice for a bit. He pulled me aside and complimented me for my passion and said I had great potential and responsibility to be a great leader, but I had to change how I was leading. I knew he was right but I don’t think I adapted my strategies much.

My best memories include more recent ones. Having conversations with people that end with them thanking me is very rewarding. Filling a leadership role in the volunteering I do with The Humane League has been great, too; I get to engage with other volunteers and help them get more involved in the advocacy that they want to do. Yesterday, I gave my staff presentation on food and the environment which was really rewarding. I was working hard and stressing about this for the past two weeks so to have it come together and receive compliments for the way I effectively shared a difficult topic felt incredible. It felt like leadership because I was sharing my knowledge and experiences to provide the audience an opportunity to explore a new way of consuming. I didn’t prescribe any lifestyle changes for them. I engaged with the audience by asking them to think about questions and discuss with the person next to them first rather than telling them the answer straight away. I think I did a good job going into it with humility while maintaining my passion for the subject.

What is the value in doing these exercises?

I think one of the most valuable parts about a course like this is literally doing the exercises. Taking the action, making them a priority = I’m making my growth and well-being a priority. Writing this essay for example has taken a big chunk of my time but the value of it cannot be understated. I’ve learned about myself in the process. I’ve strengthened some of my beliefs about leadership and myself and I’ve let go of others that weren’t serving me.

Doing the exercises means actually practicing the skills that will be used in life. Reading and even taking notes aren’t very practically helpful. It’s great to learn that way, but for something like leadership, intellectual understanding and practical understanding are far from the same thing. I imagine that by doing the exercises I’ll feel myself becoming a better leader in my day-to-day and I’ll start leading others more effectively without thinking.

If you made it through all this, thanks! I hope you enjoyed and/or found it helpful in some way. I’m excited for whats to come 🙂