Reply To: Exercise 7: Your Authentic Voice
My Authentic Voice
“Woah” I thought to myself with wide eyes reading the first lines of instruction for this week’s exercise.
I felt a healthy dose of fear and doubt around this. Josh begins this chapter talking about Martin Luther King Jr.’s Against Vietnam speech and Muhammad Ali refusing to enter the Vietnam War. So I initially thought I was going to have to voice my inner monologue to others. Before reading further, I thought “no way, we must just be saying it out loud to ourselves.” Yes, but only to start. After a little practice alone, the assignment was to do it with others. I couldn’t believe it! Then I started to feel a little excited.
I realized that the assignment wasn’t to randomly blurt out whatever thoughts came to me. Instead, it’s about following the flow of my inner monologue based on a certain thing or situation. That’s something I think I naturally do already.
I started practicing by myself right away and saw how doing it more frequently and with others could lead to a more authentic voice and nice interactions. Though I did have experience doing this naturally (just talking to myself), I quickly picked up on slight differences when I really paid attention to my thoughts moment to moment. Usually, when I talk out loud to myself it’s about planning things and/or I still pick my words more consciously. This exercise brought me to the present moment as I talked as fast as I could to keep up with my stream of consciousness.
When I practiced alone, I allowed myself to go in any direction my mind took me. Several times this was rather profound; I’d start talking about something quite simple and end reflecting on serious issues from my past. It was really interesting to see how impactful saying these thoughts (that I often don’t recognize) out loud could be. I practiced with a few of my classmates, too. In one practice, we gave each other a prompt (i.e., talk about tennis) and take turns voicing our inner monologue. In another, we chose our own topics. This was a fun excuse to get to know them a little better and hear someone else’s inner monologue in real time. It was also interesting to notice how much more I wanted to be strategic with my words. I wanted to say the right things so I sounded smart and interesting. I found it a little easier to practice with my parents without telling them. I’d be in the middle of something and just start speaking my inner monologue. These led to some cool mini-conversations.
Did my voice change?
With each time I practiced, I think I was able to be more authentic. In the bigger picture, my day-to-day voice has not changed.
Did it feel more authentic? If so, how?
For the most part, yes. Sometimes it felt like it was forced. It was especially authentic feeling when I was alone and speaking to myself. I felt like I was able to get real with myself. When I got into the flow of it while talking to others it also felt more authentic, even if it started feeling inauthentic. When I could let go of trying to sound cool or interesting or smart or whatever else, and just follow my moment-to-moment thoughts, I felt like I got to share things I would never have otherwise.
Did I fear saying anything I’d regret?
Yes! That was among my immediate thoughts when first reading the exercise instructions. I also thought I’d just look/sound stupid.
Did I say anything I regret?
Pretty much the opposite. When I spoke my monologues to others it was fun and sometimes led to nice conversations. When I was alone, my monologues got quite personal at times and were very powerful. That said, since some of my monologues while I was by myself were personal, if I was with others when speaking I probably would’ve had regrets. But maybe not!
How do I feel about speaking more openly?
It’s a little scary at first, but feels really good in practice. I especially enjoyed speaking my monologue to myself in the mirror. I’d do my best to not hold anything back. It’s kind of funny how difficult it can be to be raw and open with yourself. I found the result of this to be surprisingly valuable. I voiced thoughts that I’ve been having for a long time and not fully acknowledging as well as thoughts that I didn’t really know I was having. Speaking them out loud enabled me to see them for what they were and start accepting them and moving forward. Typically, I’d recognize them and either push them away or half-heartedly deal with them (fully thinking I understood them). I hope this is making sense!
How did others respond?
When they weren’t aware of what I was doing they responded like anyone might respond to someone talking about something. I realized that by speaking what was really on my mind about random things at random times, that’s basically what we do anyway. But we guard ourselves a bit. So by letting my stream of consciousness flow out, it was more interesting to me and maybe more interesting for them, too. When practicing with classmates, we each got a nice glimpse into the world of the other person. To me, it felt like I was welcomed into a previously exclusive place.
Do I want to do it more? Less? Differently?
I definitely want to do it more, both alone and with others. As scary as it can be, speaking authentically can be so wonderful.
Where and how might I apply my experiences to the rest of my life?
I’d like to continue opening up more to myself and others. I often practiced while walking my dog, and I think that’s a great time to continue doing it. I also see it as a tool for working through things — almost like a self-therapy. I already journal every night which is sort of like writing my authentic voice, but this week showed me that I still hold things back. Incorporating a couple of inner monologues in the mirror every day would be an easy addition to my life.