Exercise 7: Your Authentic Voice

[Joshua]

Exercise 7

Please post your reflections on the Authentic Voice exercise here including addressing some of the questions on page 71.

[Hayden Kessinger]

My Authentic Voice

“Woah” I thought to myself with wide eyes reading the first lines of instruction for this week’s exercise.

I felt a healthy dose of fear and doubt around this. Josh begins this chapter talking about Martin Luther King Jr.’s Against Vietnam speech and Muhammad Ali refusing to enter the Vietnam War. So I initially thought I was going to have to voice my inner monologue to others. Before reading further, I thought “no way, we must just be saying it out loud to ourselves.” Yes, but only to start. After a little practice alone, the assignment was to do it with others. I couldn’t believe it! Then I started to feel a little excited.

I realized that the assignment wasn’t to randomly blurt out whatever thoughts came to me. Instead, it’s about following the flow of my inner monologue based on a certain thing or situation. That’s something I think I naturally do already.

I started practicing by myself right away and saw how doing it more frequently and with others could lead to a more authentic voice and nice interactions. Though I did have experience doing this naturally (just talking to myself), I quickly picked up on slight differences when I really paid attention to my thoughts moment to moment. Usually, when I talk out loud to myself it’s about planning things and/or I still pick my words more consciously. This exercise brought me to the present moment as I talked as fast as I could to keep up with my stream of consciousness.

When I practiced alone, I allowed myself to go in any direction my mind took me. Several times this was rather profound; I’d start talking about something quite simple and end reflecting on serious issues from my past. It was really interesting to see how impactful saying these thoughts (that I often don’t recognize) out loud could be. I practiced with a few of my classmates, too. In one practice, we gave each other a prompt (i.e., talk about tennis) and take turns voicing our inner monologue. In another, we chose our own topics. This was a fun excuse to get to know them a little better and hear someone else’s inner monologue in real time. It was also interesting to notice how much more I wanted to be strategic with my words. I wanted to say the right things so I sounded smart and interesting. I found it a little easier to practice with my parents without telling them. I’d be in the middle of something and just start speaking my inner monologue. These led to some cool mini-conversations.

Did my voice change?
With each time I practiced, I think I was able to be more authentic. In the bigger picture, my day-to-day voice has not changed.

Did it feel more authentic? If so, how?
For the most part, yes. Sometimes it felt like it was forced. It was especially authentic feeling when I was alone and speaking to myself. I felt like I was able to get real with myself. When I got into the flow of it while talking to others it also felt more authentic, even if it started feeling inauthentic. When I could let go of trying to sound cool or interesting or smart or whatever else, and just follow my moment-to-moment thoughts, I felt like I got to share things I would never have otherwise.

Did I fear saying anything I’d regret?
Yes! That was among my immediate thoughts when first reading the exercise instructions. I also thought I’d just look/sound stupid.

Did I say anything I regret?
Pretty much the opposite. When I spoke my monologues to others it was fun and sometimes led to nice conversations. When I was alone, my monologues got quite personal at times and were very powerful. That said, since some of my monologues while I was by myself were personal, if I was with others when speaking I probably would’ve had regrets. But maybe not!

How do I feel about speaking more openly?
It’s a little scary at first, but feels really good in practice. I especially enjoyed speaking my monologue to myself in the mirror. I’d do my best to not hold anything back. It’s kind of funny how difficult it can be to be raw and open with yourself. I found the result of this to be surprisingly valuable. I voiced thoughts that I’ve been having for a long time and not fully acknowledging as well as thoughts that I didn’t really know I was having. Speaking them out loud enabled me to see them for what they were and start accepting them and moving forward. Typically, I’d recognize them and either push them away or half-heartedly deal with them (fully thinking I understood them). I hope this is making sense!

How did others respond?
When they weren’t aware of what I was doing they responded like anyone might respond to someone talking about something. I realized that by speaking what was really on my mind about random things at random times, that’s basically what we do anyway. But we guard ourselves a bit. So by letting my stream of consciousness flow out, it was more interesting to me and maybe more interesting for them, too. When practicing with classmates, we each got a nice glimpse into the world of the other person. To me, it felt like I was welcomed into a previously exclusive place.

Do I want to do it more? Less? Differently?
I definitely want to do it more, both alone and with others. As scary as it can be, speaking authentically can be so wonderful.

Where and how might I apply my experiences to the rest of my life?
I’d like to continue opening up more to myself and others. I often practiced while walking my dog, and I think that’s a great time to continue doing it. I also see it as a tool for working through things — almost like a self-therapy. I already journal every night which is sort of like writing my authentic voice, but this week showed me that I still hold things back. Incorporating a couple of inner monologues in the mirror every day would be an easy addition to my life.

[Jim Jenkins]

7-authentic voice exercise-Jim

How I interpreted this exercise: I typically have 15-20 topics rattling around in my head that pop up when I read or find a piece of information that seems to fit the topic or it creates new thinking to help me understand a problem I’m trying to solve. So, here is a list of the monologues I spoke out within this exercise. I’ve been thinking about some of these for a while so they may have sounded prepped.

1. Why am I in the Initiative group and what can I gain from it
2. Irrepressible optimism + action.
3. Being in the forest, my centering place
4. My community project and where I want to take it
5. My beliefs about leadership
6. Does circularity always = sustainability?
7. How do I bring my group through the company cost cutting and reorganization initiative
8. Kindness to animals, my connection to them

REFLECTION

1. Did my voice change?
Became more animated, more variability in pitch and timbre, more confident in the later half of the topic.

2. Did it feel more authentic? How?
I was using phrases that are particular to me and analogies to illustrate my points. This is my less formal but more illustrative way of speaking that in some forums I hide: may as well hide under the bed, …I was making references to other people or works.
I found I questioned some of my statements out loud, sort of talk them through or make reference that I should go back and check that item.

3. Did you fear saying anything you would regret? Did you say anything you regret?
No fear, this exercise is quite low risk with the people I spoke to. Didn’t say anything I regret but I’m trying to not dwell on regrets so my tolerance is high. Next time around I would try to say something more clearly and effectively using better words.

4. How do you feel about speaking more openly?
Am generally fine with it but it has gotten me in trouble. I have a strong belief that I should tell the truth and feel compelled to do so when I see a problem. Tested a few topics out on people and tested myself to see how long I could sustain a monologue. I do know that speaking openly in many corporate circumstances does not go well. Some senior leaders don’t like to hear certain items brought up so I have to be mindful of who I’m speaking to but that is also a part of knowing your audience.

5. How did others respond?
Generally positive. I found though that the topics that the listener seemed to relate to produced much more emotional or expressive reaction. A couple of conversations extended past each of our monologues which was great. I think a couple of my topics were not so relevant or interesting to the listener and it was a , ‘ok we got that done ‘ type of response.

6. Do you want to do it more? Differently?
Yes definitely I want to do it more. Of the many exercises I think this skill gets so much more refined with practice. I interpreted the exercise to mean I could start a monologue on any of the items rattling around in my head. I have a list of about 20 of them right now. So I would pick one and just start. I am constantly thinking about these items as I pick up a new piece of information through the day that I think fits so some of these may have sounded scripted or prepped to the listener.

7. Where and how might you apply your experience in the rest of your life
Speaking more authentic more of the time is my goal. But I believe what comes with that is you have to know something of what you are talking about, otherwise the bullshit alarm will go off. I believe you still have to assess your audience and tune the speech to them for best effect without compromising your authentic voice.
The new learning for me is to speak my monologues out loud more often to myself and others to test myself on what I hear me saying and ask whether I believe me!

[Hayden Kessinger]

Jim,

It’s very interesting to read about the corporate world in your reflections. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into it from your perspective.

[Joe Spradley]

Authentic Voice

Throughout the authentic voice exercise, I noticed that my day-to-day voice remained unchanged. This consistency likely stems from the fact that I was speaking about topics I am deeply familiar with and passionate about, allowing my natural flow to emerge effortlessly. The exercise felt more authentic overall, as I found it difficult to fabricate or monitor my speech, minimizing any superficial responses. Despite this authenticity, I initially harbored fears of saying something I might regret or appearing foolish, a common hesitation I experience even with close friends and family. Fortunately, these fears did not materialize during the exercise, which was a reassuring outcome and highlighted my ability to overcome apprehensions when speaking sincerely.

Engaging in this exercise left me feeling both comfortable and slightly on edge, akin to a rollercoaster ride. I trusted my own boundaries and felt generally safe, though there was an underlying anxiety about potential negative outcomes—a fear that fortunately did not come to pass. The positive response from Eugene, who was eager to hear more about the topic I spoke passionately about, reinforced the value of sharing authentically and encouraged me to continue this practice. I am motivated to incorporate more authentic speaking into my daily interactions, recognizing that it requires significant personal effort and self-trust. Moving forward, I aim to apply these experiences to enhance my communication in various aspects of my life, striving to move beyond surface-level responses and engage more deeply and genuinely with others. This approach is particularly important for me as I work on clearly stating my needs and setting boundaries both personally and professionally, ensuring that my interactions are respectful and true to who I am.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Joe,

Thank you for your reflection. I realized through reading it that I, like you, discovered I can speak our authentic voice openly without saying the things we think will make us look bad is pretty powerful. Now I’m thinking about how, with more practice, this has potential to completely change all of my interactions. I’m imagining how quickly my confidence could grow by repeating these experiences.

[Eugene Bible]

Exercise 7 Reflection: Authentic Voice

The Authentic Voice exercise is a simple exercise on the surface: instead of writing your inner monologue like I did in exercise #3, this time you have to verbalize it, first alone, but then with friends, family, or anyone else.

The first couple of times doing this exercise on my own made it seem easy enough – it was just like when I sometimes talk to myself about what I have to do for the day, or if I’m checking to see if I’m remembering everything before I leave the house. I thought, “this exercise is going to be super easy, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to get out of this.” It wasn’t until I tried it with others that I really started to feel something new.

The first time I tried it with someone else, I asked them to give me a topic and I just opened the floodgates from my brain to my mouth. I immediately noticed some things that are very different from my usual conversations with others. First, I became really self-conscious of how much I was talking without giving the other person a chance to talk. I felt voices in my head saying things like “I wonder what he thinks about what I’m saying? Does he have anything to say about this? I should ask him something related so he can talk”. Because of how fast these thoughts came to me, some I was able to voice, but others passed too quickly for me to verbalize.

Talking “without a filter” also brought some other feelings associated with speaking freely. In one way, I did feel like it was my “authentic voice” – I wasn’t trying to tailor what I say to the person I’m talking to, meaning I wasn’t saying anything simply to appease the person I’m talking with or to placate them. But other times, it also felt like having a filter is not a bad thing – I found myself asking “Is it a bad thing to be aware of who I’m talking to and tailoring my conversation for the person I’m speaking with? Does speaking in my “authentic voice” truly make the conversation better? For me? Or for the person I’m talking with?”

Another feeling that I really enjoyed during this exercise was a feeling of importance, or being special, if only because the format of the exercise made that artificially so. Speaking freely for a couple minutes without being interrupted or disturbed felt like I had a spotlight on me – like I was on a stage giving a speech, rather than having a conversation. It meant all of my attention was devoted to trying to speak in a way that was impactful, engaging, and “worth” the listener’s time. It felt exciting and almost like an improv performance.

I definitely felt the value in the exercise: I’m simply not used to giving speeches or speaking freely and the more I did it, I felt more confident and like a more powerful voice was slowly shaping up, for when the need arises. The exercise really made me feel like this is a new area I can work on and felt like a skill that, when developed, can become a really potent tool for leading and influencing others. For the first time, I felt why organizations like Toastmasters are so popular – learning to speak powerfully, from your heart, and without inhibition can be thrilling, fun, and in a way, addictive.

There was one area that I didn’t feel like I got to try enough: using the “authentic voice” unannounced in normal conversation. I tried to do it a few times, but during regular conversations, it was really hard to not just have my typical, ordinary conversations. I found it difficult to just trigger the same mental state as when I would “prep” my listener for the exercise, and found myself trying to figure out whether I was doing something wrong, or was there some kind of belief or self-consciousness that was preventing me from doing it. Sometimes it felt like maybe this “authentic voice” exercise just doesn’t quite suit regular conversation, though from the description in the book, it didn’t seem like that is the case.

Like the past few exercises, this exercise continues the pattern of being one that doesn’t feel like one week is enough. It feels like a skill that you could spend years developing and improving at, and I certainly would like to continue to do so. I hope that the coming exercises will continue to build on this and allow me to keep practicing it, but even if it doesn’t, I think I will probably continue to try to practice my “authentic voice” during regular conversations.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Eugene,

I experienced a similar thing when trying my authentic voice in regular conversation; I’d get maybe 1/6 of my thoughts out before being interrupted (not necessarily in a bad way) or getting self-conscious and stopping early. That said, it was fun to use an initial piece of my inner monologue to begin a conversation. I’d start speaking whatever was on my mind and allow others to chime in. It wasn’t quite the same as the assigned exercise but it definitely led to good conversation and connection that felt meaningful and more authentic.

So while the full exercise may not be suited very well to regular conversation, I think it can be practiced in bits throughout a regular day.

[Beth]

Authentic Voice

Did your voice change?

I’m not sure if this means my actual physical voice or what I was saying. I had meaningful conversations each time, deeply personal and satisfying. In the conversation with Josh, I realized that each of them hadn’t exactly followed what he was suggesting. That being said, my voice when I was “just talking to myself” was maybe physically different. The invitation to speak with my “authentic voice” is something I took seriously and spoke deeply about the things I was feeling that I might not have spoken outside of that invitation.

Did it feel more authentic? If so, how?

I talked to myself throughout the week and hearing out loud the voice that was inside was interesting but didn’t feel particularly revealing or different. When speaking with Josh and he pointed out the difference when I was speaking “about” what I was thinking, vs speaking directly my thoughts, I saw the difference and heard that it felt more “authentic” to him. When I spoke to others, I started with speaking my thoughts and then that progressed to sharing more deeply what I was feeling. It became less an exercise and more a deep conversation. Those felt authentic and deeply nourishing.

Did you fear saying anything you’d regret? Did you say anything you regret?

No

How do you feel about speaking more openly?

I made meaningful connections in each conversation.

How did others respond?

Each person I spoke with responded positively, frequently with further conversation that took us to deep places of connection.

Do you want to do it more? Less? Differently?

I’m not sure. Based on my conversation with Josh after the other conversations I had, I don’t think any of us were doing it the way he had in mind. I got a lot out of my conversations with classmates and I would like to have more like them. In terms of the assignment, I think I need to try more simple practice with it to know.

[Author]

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