Ethicist

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "How Much Can We Spend to Keep Our Dog Alive?" About 18 months ago, my husband and I adopted a dog who was seized as part of a cruelty/neglect investigation. He has serious skin issues and was recently diagnosed with lymphoma. Like most dogs, despite all he has been through, he has a sweet doggy spirit. He also has a team of specialists — a dermatologist, an oncologist and his regular vet. At the moment, he is comfortable and happy. When the time comes (most likely in the next year), we…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Must a Quaker School Care for Its Neighbors?" A wealthy private school that espouses Quaker values is buying property contiguous to its main campus. On that land is a hospice center and home for Medicaid recipients; residents were reportedly given about 15 months to relocate. Some said they had nowhere to go and were very distressed at the prospect of moving. The facility has apparently been in poor financial condition and was forced to sell. Discussing this story, my friends and I agreed that the school acted in keeping with its…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Should I Set the Record Straight About a Suicide?" I am in the military and have been deployed a number of times. Recently, a friend with whom I served in Iraq took his own life and that of his wife. The news is devastating. Since I hadn't spoken to him in years, I have been trying to figure out what happened through news articles and friends. I have been angered to see the loose connections that the media (and Internet comments) are making between this tragedy and his service and deployment.…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Is My Neighbor Obliged to Report Me to Immigration?" I have recently employed a foreign national from Ukraine as a live-in home health aide to care for my wife, who is in a wheelchair, paralyzed and incontinent. The home health aide's visa does not allow her to work in this country, and my neighbor found this out. My neighbor feels that she has an ethical responsibility to report me and the aide to immigration services if I do not terminate her employment. The aide is paid at the standard rate and…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post,  "Should I Help a Classmate Who Sexually Harassed My Friend Get a Job?" At work, we fill a lot of vacant positions through word of mouth. I recently posted a job on my college's career network and received a résumé from someone in my graduating class. I've never met this person, and I know him to have been a diligent student who won a prestigious fellowship during senior year. He would probably be a leading candidate, and by passing his résumé on, I would be implicitly giving my stamp of approval.…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Can I Wear Jewelry If I Don't Support Its Origins?" When my mother passed away, I inherited an antique necklace made of carved ivory beads. I love the look of — and am sentimentally tied to — this necklace, but I am also a supporter of anti-poaching programs and organizations. I have avoided wearing the necklace because I don't want to appear to support the ivory trade. On the other hand, I hate not being able to wear one of the few pieces of jewelry that I have from my mother. What…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "How Do I Handle the Towel Saga Next Door?" On Easter Sunday, we always have an egg hunt for our neighbors and the children of our Hispanic housekeeper and yard man. This past Easter, our next-door neighbor invited the kids to swim in their pool afterward. In July, a full three months later, we received an email from our neighbor stating: ''Would you mind reminding your housekeeper that they have a large portion of my swimming towels, I was terribly short this weekend. Hope you had a great Fourth of July.'' This…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "What Can I Do About a Neighbor's Partying Child?" I live in a neighborhood of predominately single-family homes in Southern California. On our block, most homes have garages that lead to an alleyway shared by homes on the other side. One neighbor is a single parent with three children, one of them a junior in high school. When they first moved in last summer, this adolescent was using the converted garage as an area for social gatherings. Multiple teenagers parked their cars in the alley, which is expressly forbidden by posted…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Should I Ask My Secretary to Fix Her Teeth?" I have a small law practice with several employees. My secretary, who is the face of the firm to every client or prospective client who walks through the door, fell last December and knocked out eight front teeth. Since then she has not had them replaced or had dentures made. She comes to work with no front teeth, which is not the face I want put forward. She has health and dental insurance through my office, but she says she's too nervous…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Should I Respond to My Mechanic's Racist Poster?" I live in a small rural town. At the local garage, the owner has photocopied and displayed a poster that he apparently thinks is clever. It proclaims to picture the most useful cellphone to have with you — a handgun that has a cellphone keypad in its handle. It then names the cities where this might be useful, naming cities that are primarily African-American. The owner is a nice guy and not a virulent racist; he probably does not realize that the poster…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "How Do I Counter My Sister's Abuse Claims Against Our Father?" My sister has become a personality in the media primarily due to her colorful past. She gives lectures and has a self-help book coming out soon. One of her minor themes concerns our deceased father and is particularly nasty. Although there is no way to positively refute statements she has made, neither I nor my two brothers and my mother believe my father capable of the events my sister describes. My father was a kind and giving person. He has…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Taxicab Confessions." Last night I witnessed an assault on a taxi driver. After the passenger jumped out of the cab and kicked it repeatedly, the driver got out and confronted the man. The man suddenly began throwing punches, and a legitimate brawl ensued during which the man yelled things like "go back where you came from" and "I was born in this country, you weren't." A small crowd gathered to break up the fight. When the police arrived, I stuck around to defend the cabdriver. The police listened but told me…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Do I Have to Keep a Secret About a Family Member's Health?" My uncle's daughter texted this message to me a few days ago: "You didn't hear this from me, and pretend this conversation didn't take place. My dad went to the hospital this morning in an ambulance with a heart attack. My mom told me not to tell anyone, saying this is Dad's news to tell, but I thought you would want to know. Whatever you do, please don't tell your mom." My uncle and I are very close, so…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Do I Have to Tell About a Co-Worker's Rape?" My first job out of college was at a major political campaign. Late in the year, an intern told me she had been raped by one of my colleagues and that campaign higher-ups made the problem go away. I'm not sure what that means, but the police weren't involved, nothing made the news, all the people involved kept their jobs. To my knowledge, this young woman told me and one other colleague. I kept the secret to myself for the last seven…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "May I Lie to My Husband to Get Him to See a Doctor?" I believe my 86-year-old spouse is in the early stages of dementia. He won't see a doctor. I asked for some advice in an online caretaker's forum, and a couple of people told me to tell my spouse some lie about why he's going to the doctor and then have the doctor give him a cognitive test. I think it would be unethical to ever trick someone into doing something, but if he is slipping into this disease,…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Can I Change My Name to Avoid Discrimination?" Is it ethical to modify my name on a job application to prevent unconscious bias? For instance, if my name were Samantha, I could apply as Sam, or if my name were Jose, I could apply as Joe, to prevent discrimination based on gender or assumed ethnicity. If it is ethical, up to which point may I modify? A.R., LONDON My response: From now on, unless someone shows me I'm missing something, I'm going to call these questions where people ask someone else…

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "What Should I Do About a Nanny Who Drinks?" Last April, I hired a woman to take care of my then-8-month-old daughter. The references she gave me all spoke highly of her, though only one family seemed to know her well. Fast-forward three months. I come home one evening, and the nanny is not yet back with my daughter. When she arrives, half an hour late, she is visibly intoxicated and reeks of alcohol. I immediately fire her after getting a verbal admission that she was drinking. I later found out…