Ethicist

Ethics, from Wikipedia: Ethics or moral philosophy is a branch of philosophy that involves systematizing, defending, and recommending concepts of right and wrong conduct. The field of ethics, along with aesthetics, concerns matters of value, and thus comprises the branch of philosophy called axiology. Ethics seeks to resolve questions of human morality by defining concepts such as good and evil, right and wrong, virtue and vice, justice and crime. As a field of intellectual inquiry, moral philosophy also is related to the fields of moral psychology, descriptive ethics, and value theory. To start, I'll point out that I've read Plato, Aristotle, Laozi, Confucius, and dozens of other philosophers', psychologists', and others' work. I approach the field with respect, based on its focus, history, weight, and so on. For about four-and-a-half years,…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “How Can I Teach My Great-Granddaughter to Be Charitable?”. I have an 8-year-old great-grandchild. I would like to help her develop a sense of charity. If I were to give her $40 per year to donate, how should I present the options to her, without overwhelming her? Were I to show her images of starving Yemeni children, homeless Americans, threatened wildlife, Syrian/Central American refugees and so on, I fear she wouldn’t be able to process such a burden of information. How can an 8-year-old confront the neediness of our world in an age-appropriate way? Are there baby steps to charitable giving? I want…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Should My Daughter Speak Up About a Classmate’s Plagiarized Poem?”. My daughter spends half her school day in an arts high school, the other half in a traditional high school. Recently, she shared with me instances in which one of her peers had plagiarized in the arts school and cheated on exams in the regular high school. She told me that her peer is considered, by teachers in the art school, to be a superior writer. One afternoon she came home from the arts school upset because the cheater read aloud a supposedly original poem that my daughter recognized as having been written…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “The Ethicist: I Detest the N.R.A. What Should I Do With My Gun?”. As a gun owner who abhors the ‘‘slippery slope’’ philosophy of the N.R.A., every new mass shooting sickens me. I would like to sell one of my three weapons and give the proceeds to March for Our Lives or Everytown for Gun Safety. Is it better to: 1) Sell it knowing the $750-$1,000 would do some good; 2) Keep the gun knowing it won’t be used; or 3) Destroy it/surrender it to the police for disposal? Name Withheld My response: "Better" is a measure of goodness and badness. There is…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “The Ethicist: Should I Report a Do-Nothing Co-Worker?”. I work in a department of about 10 people, within a smaller team of four people. The culture is relaxed, even more so as you accrue seniority. One of my teammates, who has been here for many years, has managed to adjust her schedule to be present for only 7.5 hours per day (for which she is supposed to not take a lunch break) and work from home one day a week. It has become clear that she takes advantage of her privileges. She frequently takes lunch breaks, comes in later than her start time…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Is It O.K. for a Chinese Restaurant to Favor Chinese Patrons?”. At a Chinatown restaurant we go to for lunch, there is a “lunch menu” and a “dinner menu.” Whenever a Chinese person comes in, he or she is automatically given the lunch menu. When a non-Chinese person comes in, he or she is usually given the dinner menu. The dinner menu is considerably more expensive and does not have the low-cost luncheon choices. We know this, and so we always ask for the lunch menu, which they bring without a problem. However, a majority of other non-Chinese (usually foreign tourists) who come…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “I Think My Former Employer Is Underpaying a Black Employee. Should I Tell Her?”. I worked in human resources at a national nonprofit organization with more than 100 employees. In the summer, we hired two people for the same position. They had similar educational and work experience. One of the employees is a black woman living in a large city in Florida, and the other is a white woman living in a small city in the Midwest. When the employee in the Midwest was offered the position, the hiring manager did not consult the human-resources department and offered her a salary above the…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Was I Wrong to Tell a Friend’s Partner About His Infidelity?”. I am of advanced years but still exercise my profession. Not long ago, after I gave a seminar in my field, a young professional approached me with some questions that I happily answered. We kept in touch, and I became his mentor. Over time, we became friends: the young man and his live-in partner would come to our house for dinner, and my wife and I would go to theirs. The relationship between this man and his partner was often bumpy, in large part because of his drinking problem, which also affected…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “I Quit Watching Football Because It Harms Players. Can I Still Keep Up With My Team?”. I have decided to stop watching football given the recent findings about the frequency with which concussions occur and the long-term effects of those concussions on the players. I am not trying to take a stand and change any of my family’s or friends’ opinions, but I do want to feel like I’m doing my part. Can I still follow my team in some way, though? I’m a Jets fan (O.K., maybe I’m not giving up much by not watching), and I really like keeping up with…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “My Son’s Tutor Slipped Me Entrance-Exam Questions. Should I Report Him?”. Last fall, my son was in the midst of New York City’s application process for public high schools, which has sparked much recent discussion regarding unequal opportunities for students based on race and socioeconomic status. With some ambivalence, I took him to a well-regarded (and expensive) tutor to help him prepare for the Specialized High School Admission Test. After his session, the tutor asked if my son was also taking the entrance test for a different coveted public high school in the city. When I said yes, he gave me a handwritten…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Can I Cut Off a Relative With Hateful Views?”. My sister divorced her husband years ago. Until recently, we remained on friendly terms with my former brother-in-law, socializing at family events he hosted and exchanging holiday gifts. Lately he has become so radical in his political and world views that I am no longer comfortable maintaining a relationship. He has a blog and is an occasional radio host, so his are very public opinions that are filled with hate and even calls to violent action. I find this horrifying, and I am firmly in the category of people he is calling for violence…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “May I Cut My Daughter Out of My Life?”. I am the parent of a high school student with multiple issues. Her learning disabilities and mild autism are dwarfed by a severe mood disorder that has forced our family to endure daily hourslong tantrums that have disturbed neighbors and drawn the police. Triggers are typically minor, like being asked to tidy her room. She’s attractive and physically healthy, has an average I.Q. and has a sibling who has suffered greatly. Nearly two decades of this has battered our marriage and careers. We are approaching retirement age, but we have spent a fortune on…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Should a Nonprofit Splurge on Management?”. I work at a nonprofit that advocates for consumer rights and financial literacy, a mission I have been proud to serve. We recently suffered a financial crisis of our own. Due to changing federal policies, among other factors, we lost a chunk of our annual budget. Management decided to cut about a quarter of the staff to protect our long-term future. I was of course saddened by what happened, but I understood that there were no good options. Then a staff member who was laid off (and quickly found a new job) told me that senior managers’…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Do I Tell My Father That My Brother Might Not Be His Son?”. I am the executor of my father’s will. He is 82 years old and frail, and lately I have been troubled by a question. My brother may not be his child, and my mother and siblings all know this (including the brother in question), but my father does not. My parents are divorced and not on good terms. My mother is fairly sure that my brother is not my father’s child, but a DNA test would have to be done to be certain. If my brother is not my father’s…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Am I Wrong to Believe My Friend Is Innocent of Rape?”. One of my closest friends was accused of raping a fellow student in college. There were no criminal proceedings, and he has always maintained his innocence. In the years since, he has not been accused again. I know nothing about the woman who accused him other than what my friend has told me about her — or about what happened, other than what he has told me — and having not been in the room with them, I must live with the fact that the truth is in some respects unknowable. I…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Can We Disinherit Our Addicted Son?”. Our son has been a heroin addict for 10 years. He has drifted in and out of homelessness and prison. We have spent a fortune on rehab, counseling, legal fees and more, which changed nothing. We love our son, but we have also painfully learned that he is an inveterate liar, will steal anything not nailed down and has an incredible capacity for manipulation. We are in the process of updating our wills to reflect this reality, and we are struggling to articulate a fair plan as to inheritances. Our other children are living normal, happy, productive…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “What Do I Owe My Severely Disabled Parents?”. A little over two years ago, my family was involved in a catastrophic car accident overseas. My younger sibling was killed, and my parents survived but are severely disabled. My father is quadriplegic, while my mother has a traumatic brain injury resulting in severe cognitive impairment. My spouse and I were overseas for several months with my parents before they stabilized and were evacuated back to the United States. Then, over the next year (we don’t live in the same city) we traveled to their city often to help manage transitions from the hospital to…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Should I Stay at a Lab That Makes Animals Suffer?”. I am an undergraduate researcher in a university-affiliated biology lab. The research we are doing involves subjecting many mice to disease, suffering and death. I haven’t interacted with the mice directly, but I use their serum in my experiments. The thought of animals suffering for the data we produce really bothers me; I am vegan for ethical reasons. My only justification is that the research we do will hopefully provide disease prevention in the future. However, I don’t know if that is enough considering the slim chance of developing a therapy and the…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Can I Trick My Brain-Damaged Brother Into Taking His Meds?”. My older brother suffered a serious brain injury about 10 years ago. His communication skills were hard-hit. He understands some of what people say as long as they speak slowly, but even then concepts are hard and reasoning with him can be difficult. He was quite brilliant before the injury, and he understands that his brain can no longer do what it once did. To make matters even sadder, he has psychological problems that have never been properly addressed. Both my dad and I learned we had bipolar disorder late in life. We…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “What Should I Do About My Cheating Classmate?”. I am a senior at a competitive high school. My best friend is known for being a top student and the president of the student body. Over the last year, I caught him cheating on tests and plagiarizing work several times. When I confront him, he insists that he is not cheating, just outsmarting the system. I’m concerned that his academic dishonesty may jeopardize his future and ruin his reputation. What should I do? Name Withheld My response: In contrast to my usual answers, I point out that his motivation to cheat stems from our…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Is It O.K. to Press Your Spouse to Have a Vasectomy Before You Ditch Him?”. Some time ago, a friend told me that she was planning to leave her husband but was waiting for him to get a vasectomy. She said she knew she’d have to hold his hand through it to make sure it happened. Once the procedure was done, she planned to break the news that she was going to end the marriage. I was dumbfounded and told her that I was concerned that she had chosen to pressure her husband to have a vasectomy before letting him know that she…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “Should I Go to a Gender-Reveal Party?”. A close relation is pregnant with her first child and is having a gender-reveal party. She is overjoyed with the addition to our family, as am I. However, I am adamantly opposed to attending the gender-reveal party because it violates my moral code. I have worked in activism for my entire professional life, and though I am cisgender, I have strong feelings about gender politics and equality. Gender-reveal parties — where parents and guests learn a baby’s gender together — violate my values because they reaffirm society’s gender binarism and inadvertently perpetuate the stigma against nonbinary…

My series answering the New York Times’ Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with “What Should I Do With Old Racist Memorabilia?”. While renovating our home 30 years ago, we found an album of old postcards lodged in a rafter. Many were from the turn of the century, addressed to members of a family that settled in our community. A brief search at the time did not turn up any descendants. The album was disintegrating, and we removed the cards. Over the years I forgot about them, but in getting ready to move, I came across them again. One in particular is offensive in its captioning and art to people of African descent. While I presume there…