My failure resume, first pass
Someone mentioned the idea of a failure resume a month or two ago. You know as much about them as I do now. I haven’t looked up the idea but the name describes enough to go on.
I’ve thought about it long enough. Time to start it. I expect I’ll add to it and refine.
Date | Event | Lessons |
1970s and 80s | Mugged 5 times growing up, three bikes stolen, etc, felt shame, and kept the stories private. | I can feel shame for things beyond your control and not realize it for decades. Suppressing shame causes it to persist and fester. |
1983 | Got a 55 on a 6th grade math test, on percentages. Possibly my worst test score. | Low test scores aren’t the end of the world. |
1988 | In courting Julie, my first girlfriend, considered by some the cutest girl in school, I learned: I could get the cutest girl in school, all I had to do was be her friend for a year and a half first. | Much later (2007): learn more about differences between men and women and between friendship, attraction, and intimacy, learn and practice behaviors, skills, and beliefs that attract women. |
1989 | First time the team captain didn’t put me in for an important game. | Asked and answered: am I playing for fun or to compete, reach my potential, and contribute to the team? Dropped entitled feeling that I should get to play just for showing up. Ultimate became one of the greatest sources of value and growth from this moment. |
1993-94 | First year of graduate school got worst grades of my life. Also girlfriend left me and I couldn’t find a team to play ultimate with. In other words the top three parts of my life all fell apart. My worst year and a half. | This too shall pass. |
1993 | Lived with roommates who didn’t pay bills and other untrustworthy things. (When I moved out, I moved to one of my favorite apartments, with a south facing bay window just off Rittenhouse Square in Philadelphia) | Be wary putting my name on bills that others might not pay. The experience partly reset my understanding of humanity, trust, and standing by your word. |
1996 | Three friends within a short period of time said, “I’ve known you a long time but don’t know the real you.” | Stop my old strategy of choosing to open up after knowing someone for a while. Start opening up early to create the friendship |
1999 | The most uncomfortable presentation of my life. I was solely responsible. On my second thesis defense, six months after my first (Columbia’s physics department requires two), I hadn’t practiced, thinking “How could I not remember what I spent four years working on?” I forgot plenty. | Prepare for every presentation. |
2002-03 | Submedia almost goes bankrupt, investors squeeze me out. A company I conceived of the technology for, co-founded, once owned more than half of, operating displays on four continents, covered in every major media outlet, valued at over $10 million—I was now a bit player on the sideline. The year leading to my ouster tied with first year of graduate school for worst year of my life. | Business is based on relationships, not academic knowledge and abstract analysis that universities teach. Learn social and emotional skills. |
2007 | First attempts at approaching women, for about a year no meaningful relationships resulted. | I wasn’t the man I thought I was. How to open up, allow myself to be vulnerable and make others feel comfortable opening up with me. Re-creating major parts of myself from the ground up. Stop putting women on pedestals and get to know people as individuals. |
2012 | Didn’t get paid by licensee for upside of contract, for what should have been worth six figures. | Be careful with overseas contracts that can’t be enforced. |
2013 | Trusted an architect now ex-friend who suggested redesigning my apartment. The project started great, but he didn’t manage the contractor he recommended, who went over budget, over schedule, and shoddy work. Even my ex-friend recommended switching. Eventually my ex-friend stopped helping. Luckily my step-father stepped in and helped finish the job. | I got closer to my family. The experience partly reset my understanding of humanity, trust, and standing by your word. |
I’ve been writing, reflecting, and editing a few hours. I know I can write more, but I expected I’d keep thinking of more failures for a long time, hand “first pass” in the title and the empty rows. I’ll stop here for now, but keep updating it when I can.
Notes:
- I thought I’d come up with more failures faster. I know I’m forgetting many.
- Identifying the specific failure takes more consideration than I expected. For example, I first wrote the failure was being mugged. After reflection, I realized the failure was suppressing and accepting the shame.
- I’ve known each failure and how important they were, but writing them honors them and enables me to learn anew.
- I can’t tell yet for sure, but I think writing them and honoring them will enable me to build on them.
- I’m not sure how to handle the repercussions of 9/11.
- I recommend this exercise.

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