Quora Saturday: What men love, thought leaders, no-strings-attached sex, entrepreneurship, and falling in love
Continuing my Saturday series on posting my answers to questions from Quora, here are my next questions answered:
- What makes a man feel loved?
- Which business thought leaders do you follow and why?
- It seems that guys nowadays are just interested in no-strings-attached-sex. How is it possible in this day and age to find a guy for a committed monogamous relationship (ages 25-35)?
- Where can I learn a whole package of things that every entrepreneur needs to know?
- What is the best way to make your wife fall in love with you?
Q: What makes a man feel loved?
A: What makes a human feel loved:
- Behave so that person feels comfortable sharing what they care about, which is also what they feel vulnerable aboutâ€”both mental and physical.
- Support them on these things.
- Share your vulnerabilities so they can support you.
- Repeat on increasingly important and deep vulnerabilities.
- Resolve conflicts so the relationship ends up stronger for solving them so they feel comfortable sharing problems, not hiding them.
Works every time.
Q: Which business thought leaders do you follow and why?
A: Marshall Goldsmith, because he gives simple, actionable advice that I can use to improve myself. Most others say things that sound nice or important but that I canâ€™t act on simply and effectively.
Q: It seems that guys nowadays are just interested in no-strings-attached-sex. How is it possible in this day and age to find a guy for a committed monogamous relationship (ages 25-35)?
A: Every man wants plenty more than sex from a relationship. No man wants just sex as the sole value of a relationship. Every many wants rewarding, mutually satisfying, mutually respectful, loving relationships. Every man wants someone he can be vulnerable with and will support him, just like he wants someone who can be vulnerable with him that he can support. If you arenâ€™t finding that in men, itâ€™s not because itâ€™s not in the men.
By saying they are interested in â€œjustâ€ sex, you are saying they are interested in nothing else whatsoever. No interest whatsoever in any conversation, non-sexual activity, kids, social events, charity, health, fitness, restaurants, movies, pets, self-improvement, education, or anything else with you at all.
Do you really believe that they have no interest in any of these things?
Humans are interested in sex, not just men or women. You are too.
Q: Where can I learn a whole package of things that every entrepreneur needs to know?
A: The one place you can learn most about entrepreneurship is by starting a venture.
No book, video, or any non-experiential source will match what you learn from experience. No great entrepreneur became great from reading more books or watching more videos. They became great through experience, sometimes painful, often rewarding.
Research at Columbia Business School found that of all the factors searched in a study on successful entrepreneurs, the greatest correlation with success was how early they started their first venture.
Sorry I canâ€™t cite the original research, so you may want to verify independently, but I remember that the age of starting the first venture correlated with success more than choice of industry, educational level, amount of funding, and may other possible factors. They didnâ€™t all succeed at that first venture, but starting it led to their ultimate success.
Starting a first venture doesnâ€™t have to mean trying to start the next Space X. It can be something small, more like a lemonade stand, but anyone can do it.
Q: What is the best way to make your wife fall in love with you?
A: If youâ€™re already married, youâ€™ve found common interests, mutual attraction, physical compatibility, and enough to conclude you should marry.
Then you only need two more things:
- Make her feel comfortable sharing her vulnerabilities, then support her on them. Share your vulnerabilities so she can support you on them.
- Learn to resolve conflict so when problems arise, resolving them makes the relationship stronger.
Works every time.
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