In Leadership Step by Step, I give several exercises on how to influence how you perceive the world. I recently found a simpler way of describing them.

We all know that our beliefs influence our perception. If you believe a person approaching you is friendly, you perceive them differently than if you believe they intend to hurt you.

Many people don’t know that they can choose their beliefs, even people who work on mindfulness. I participate in a meditation group that includes people who have meditated regularly for decades. They generally know that if they feel an emotion or thought that they don’t like then if they observe it, it will pass. This skill helps calm one’s life. It makes you less reactive.

I work on these exercises with clients and in workshops. People love what they bring: flexibility, resilience, creativity, and more.

When I tell them that they can choose new thoughts that replace the ones they don’t like, beyond just letting them pass, hoping they’ll like the next ones more, they react like they’d never thought of it. I think that people who learn cognitive behavioral therapy and similar practices will understand it more, since I think they use the practice, but I suspect many people there still think it’s hard.

My old way of saying it

Read the book for context, but I generally suggest to people in the chapters Adopt a New Belief, Adopt a Challenging Belief, and those on The Method, to practice a new belief.

The problem: many people associate beliefs with religion and the supernatural. They start analyzing whether a belief is true or not. Sometimes I suggest thinking of the phrase “mental model” instead of belief, since it sounds like something we can change more, but I prefer simple words to phrases.

The book treats these hang-ups. Still, hang-ups or not, if I can avoid them, people will develop the skill faster.

My new way of saying it

Now I’m testing: instead of saying “adopt a new belief” or “choose a new belief to think” I refer to the belief as a string of words to put into your inner monologue. It’s a lower level instruction that is what they actually do. It doesn’t prompt people to question if the string of words is true or not.

You still have to do the steps described in the book to find the places in your life to apply the technique, then to come up with the new beliefs and strings of words, so you’re not picking words randomly or hoping for the best. There’s still the art to it, but our minds react to the words we think.

This wording seems to simplify and clarify how to implement the exercises.

• ← 849: Josh Bandoch, part 3: How to Get What You Want: Mastering the Art and Science of Persuasion