I gave a book on men and how men experience the world to my girlfriend at the time, maybe five or ten years ago. After reading it, she asked me, “Do men have emotions?” Apparently she thought men didn’t have emotions. In fact, she clarified, “I thought men just did things.” I’m glad she asked if she didn’t know. I was surprised she didn’t. For context, she had graduated a[…] Keep reading →

A friend recommended to me an exercise I hadn’t heard of. It sounds like the Three Raisins exercise I learned from Jon Kabat-Zinn, included in my leadership book, and assign in my leadership class. She didn’t explain much about it, but my experience with experiential exercises told me that doing it would reveal more than any explanation. The exercise The instructions: Drink a hot beverage and when I think judgmental[…] Keep reading →

Have you noticed the difference between something tasting good—that you like the sensation—versus wanting more—that it motivates you to eat more, though doesn’t always taste good? If the nuance sounds foreign, I’ve written on it several times. I use it to illustrate the difference between craving and emotional reward. In my experience, the difference seems subtle until you get it. Then it’s huge. Emotional reward improves life, craving enables others[…] Keep reading →

In two days I begin my fifth year not flying. I estimate talking to about 1,000 people about not flying and that about 998 of them said that not flying would be impossible for them—not difficult or unwanted but impossible. Suddenly they’re able not to fly. Their claims of being unable to avoid flying were never a matter of reality, as they described, but a lack of motivation and imagination.[…] Keep reading →

Why am I writing so much about white males? Partly because I am one but live in a society that denigrates and silences the group. When I read about people in other groups exploring their accidents of birth—their skin color, sex, sexual preference, geographic origin—society seems to celebrate them. My city hosts parades for many groups. Does anyone wonder how much it would accept a white male parade? I expect[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday’s post Update on automatic thoughts people connect with straight white men culminated with a couple questions I found intriguing: Imagine if your entire life, every time you said you suffered, people said, “actually that’s an example of you causing others to suffer.” How would that affect your life? and: Imagine every time you said you worked hard at something, people said, “actually that’s an example of how easy your[…] Keep reading →

Last month I asked “What automatic thoughts come to you when you think of straight white men?“. I also explored the topic with Psychology Today‘s Editor-at-Large, Hara Estroff Marano, in an audio recording for a piece there, White Men and Preconceived Notions. Some updates. . . First, context. However obvious, I’ll still say that the following is a personal account with all the biases of someone just talking to the[…] Keep reading →