A friend started a job and found after a week that she couldn’t stand it. She asked me for advice on leaving, wondering if after one week was too soon and how to tell the person she was working for.

The first thing I asked her? “Did anyone refer or recommend you to this job?”

She said yes, two people recommended her.

I said “Since you asked me for advice I’ll give it. Before you talk to the person at the job, talk to the people who recommended you. They put their names on the line for you. How do you think it affects their reputation if you leave right away? Even if you don’t think of them, think about yourself: do you think you’ll get recommendations from them any more if it means risking their reputations?”

She complained that it was a weekend, she didn’t want to work Monday, and she couldn’t contact her recommenders over the weekend.

I suggested she look at the relationships with the people on her side as the most important element in the picture. I communicated what’s in “How to follow up a referral.”

She contacted them. I’m posting this today because yesterday she told me the recommenders thanked her for checking in with them. When someone thanks you that means you improved their life. That doesn’t happen when you unilaterally choose to do something that affects them. It could have gone the other way had she acted that way.

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