One measure of something worth doing is if you would ever regret it. I’m making a list of things that no one would ever on their deathbed look back and say “I did X too much.” I doubt anyone looked back at their life and said, “I danced too much,” “I sang too much,” or “I played with my nieces and nephews too much.” Can you add to the list?[…] Keep reading →

The following statement has become a personal guideline since I first came up with it. It’s served me well. Don’t look for blame but take responsibility for making things better to the extent you can. You can always find someone to blame if you want. Blame is fundamentally about the past, which you can’t change, and judgmental, which repels people. But the main issue is that when you blame someone[…] Keep reading →

Do you or people you know get stuck “winning” arguments only to find they’ve annoyed or alienated people around them? It’s hard to do anything about it because when people aren’t arguing they tend to feel they don’t do it — that only others do. And when they are arguing they’re often least open to exiting argument mode into self-reflection mode. A scene in The Big Lebowski that illustrates the[…] Keep reading →

People use too much lingo. What do I mean by too much? I mean it when big or out-of-context words confuse more than illuminate or create meaning. Everybody knows it, we still do it more than we mean to. I’m going to examine the issue from a few perspectives. Having a background in science I see a lot of scientific sounding language where it seems people use it more to[…] Keep reading →

An incredibly useful perspective in some half-baked notes to a friend. I’ll develop them more in future posts. Feedback and criticism appreciated. — You wrote about lying as an example of a “bad trait”. I’d like to suggest another perspective (generalizable from just lying to other aspects of apparent lack of empathy): that the reason people communicate is not to convey truths. Evaluating people according to truths and lies holds[…] Keep reading →

One of the great lessons I learned from my father was that when people talk about how they spend their time, they’re talking about priorities. As he put it, “When people say they don’t have time to do something, they mean they prioritized something else higher. People have time to do anything. The question is if what they put aside to do something.” Internalized over the years, the perspective seems[…] Keep reading →

I have a friend who says he can voluntarily let go of emotions he doesn’t want to hold on to anymore. I’ve let go of many things, but never in the moment from conscious intent. He sounds sincere, but frankly I doubt him. Like telling an angry person to calm down, suggesting someone let go of something is counterproductive advice. Trying to let go of something voluntarily focuses your mind[…] Keep reading →

Many people are quick to say they don’t judge. People seem to value not judging others. Come to think of it, I do. People all too commonly say they aren’t judgmental when someone else is judgmental about something they aren’t. For example, when one person says “Americans are too fat,” the other may say “Don’t be so judgmental” or, more mildly, “I’m not so judgmental.” It’s all too common because[…] Keep reading →

Some people like to give advice. Maybe everyone does, despite knowing how annoying it can be. Sometimes we think we can help so much or don’t think of the other person’s perspective enough that it feels worth it. We’re all used to our thoughts preparing the advice: hoping to avoid stepping on toes, to avoid insulting, and so on. The other person’s annoyance is often justified. That is, our advice[…] Keep reading →