Adam Quiney
Adam, in his words (from his page):
I’m an obsessive perfectionist, high-performer, former lawyer, and now an Executive Mentor. Â I know what it’s like to succeed easily and quickly. To blindly put my happiness in the hands of achievement.
All the success, money and possessions in the world couldn’t cure my boredom. Couldn’t produce a loving, intimate relationship with my wife…and definitely couldn’t fulfill me.
The first time I was powerfully coached, I was told that the package looked great. I was charming, handsome, witty, well-spoken, educated, and brilliant.
I was like a shiny new iPhone. I was entertaining, and people loved to play with me.
But then they’d set me down and go have a beer with their friends, because those were the people that they could relate to.
I had no capacity for authenticity or vulnerability.
No ability to allow for, or to create, intimacy.
I was married to a woman I loved, and even she was held at arm’s length.
On some level, I knew that I was never alone, but often felt lonely.
I couldn’t keep on this path.
I had to let go of knowing all of the answers (or doing the research and discovering them myself), and allow another human to impact me —Â deeply.
That person become my first coach. In that journey, I’ve had to learn how to:- Experience my feelings (I have tear-ducts?)
- Open my heart (The ability to love more deeply also means allowing your heart to be broken)
- Let go of my propensity for being right (Because as long as you know all the answers, no one can ever truly impact you); and
- Re-discover the passion that is my birthright
And what I’ve discovered is that behind our fears lie our greatest desires. I help the smartest people in the room uncover those desires, confront hidden fears, and create a new adventure. This is my mission in life.
223: Adam Quiney, part 2: Do the Thing
This episode is two thoughtful, intelligent people sharing environmental thoughts. I think the thoughts we share are what a lot of people think but don’t share enough.
We cover action, leadership, motivation, caring, beliefs, integrity, and Adam’s challenge on “imperfect” (which I put in quotes since I prefer non-supermarket apples) apples.
I suspect you’ll hear things you’ve thought about but maybe haven’t shared, not just environmental, though we mostly hover around there.
Most conversations I hear devolve into abstract, academic, analysis and blame, things like government should do X, corporations should do Y, or this law should pass—anything but acting themselves. Yet acting raises awareness more than awareness leads to acting. And the fastest, most effective way to influence companies, government, and other institutions is to live by your values, which will make you a leader.
217: Adam Quiney, part 1: Leadership for the Smartest Person in the Room
Adam studies brilliant people and leadership. There are many leadership coaches and researchers. If you like me and my way of doing things, which is geeky, you might be geeky yourself. You probably like leadership too.
We get to his research results about halfway through the conversation. He focuses on helping people like you and me understand and improve leadership. In this conversation we focus on blind spots, among other topics, but his in particular. But Adam’s focus and specialty on brilliance emerges. He’s vulnerable and open.
I recorded this conversation almost a year and a half ago, so you can hear I hadn’t developed a voice yet. Still, some meaningful nuggets from both of us, in fact some points I haven’t shared in a while, like, regarding blind spots, nature not losing track of any molecules.
Back then I hadn’t yet learned to see when people talk about people as their environment, they’re playing it safe. We all know acting on the environment starts hard. So I was glad he moved to bruised apples that would get thrown away. I don’t accept that imperfect looking apples are materially lowering quality of life. After a while, supermarket apples look weird. Farmers market ones look less uniform but have more flavor.
Most environmental action is like choosing the apples corporate buyers don’t. They don’t fit someone else’s values, but they tend to taste better and cost less. After you get used to them, the old ones look weird, even creepy in their uniformity and too much shinyness.