[This post is part of a series on empathy gaps. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Did you know you undermine some of your best efforts to do challenging things, especially involving personal change? You do. We all do, through an effect that makes sense when you get it,[…] Keep reading →
I remember as a kid in the 70s being taught a policy to turn off lights when I was the last to leave a room. People put stickers on light switches with that message. I don’t see that message that much any more. People seem to generally project that saving energy is better than not saving energy, but I see the idea more used to market selling products than changing[…] Keep reading →
This TED talk on body language covers several things I cover in my seminar. I recommend watching it. The speaker is Amy Cuddy. From Wikipedia Amy J. C. Cuddy is an American social psychologist known for her studies of the relations between stereotyping and behavior. She is Associate Professor in the Negotiation, Organizations & Markets Unit at Harvard Business School. Cuddy studies the origins and outcomes of how people judge and[…] Keep reading →
People have a lot of misconceptions about values that make it hard for people to know and live by theirs. In particular, people imagine sticking to their values in challenging situations hard. Misconception 1: It’s hard to stick to your values during crises, conflict, and ethical dilemmas A lot of people think that crises, conflicts, and ethical dilemmas entice you to drop your values and just do what’s easy. I[…] Keep reading →
People often look at someone acting with intense emotions — like when they’re excited, angry, enraged, passionate, etc — and say that they are “emotional” at times like that. They misunderstand emotions. Understanding emotions is one of the most important parts of self-awareness and therefore leadership of yourself and others. Emotions motivate you. As long as you’re awake you feel motivation. Everyone is always emotional all the time. Calmness is[…] Keep reading →
A couple months ago I posted a question on awareness, non-attachment, caring, and motivation I’d been thinking about for a decade or so, unable to answer it in all that time. I came up with an answer I like, that satisfies my curiosity, and helps me understand more. First let me remind you of the question. It came when I was learning in college about Buddhism. I learned the story[…] Keep reading →
The past few posts talked about using self-talk to lead yourself. Today I’ll mention a few things about leading others by influencing their self-talk. To me, influencing someone’s self-talk feels easier than changing their beliefs, but the effect is roughly the same. Trying to change other people’s beliefs sounds hard, especially if you can’t change your own beliefs. It’s easier when you realize some simple things about how others have[…] Keep reading →
Knowing your self-talk lets you change how you perceive and influence your world more than almost anything. That knowledge helps you understand and influence how your team members, peers, bosses, and so on perceive their worlds. It’s a powerful lever. Your beliefs affect how you perceive your world. Everything you observe gets filtered through your beliefs. If you think Bob is a jerk, you will filter everything you see about[…] Keep reading →
Yesterday I posted a short passage of self-talk you might have come up with yourself doing the self-talk exercises I recommend as two of the best exercises I know to raise your self-awareness (exercise 1: write your self-talk; exercise 2: voice your self-talk). Let’s do another, this time in the context of walking into a crowded room in a social situation. First, have you noticed what people do when they[…] Keep reading →