Here’s an exercise that helps you recognize why and when you get angry sometimes. You can use it to help prevent yourself from getting angry or not blaming others.

It applies for any other emotion than anger, so you can use it to prevent any emotion you don’t want and to create any emotion you do want.

Step 1: Think of a time you got angry.

Step 2: What did you do just before? Were you also angry just then, or rushed, under pressure, or something similar?

Many times one type of pressure or stress affects your mood afterward, even if the later situation has nothing to do with the earlier except that they were close in time. Moods linger. You can feel angry toward someone just because you were under pressure from something unrelated ten minutes before.

Step 3: What did you do just after? Did the anger carry over?

Anger in one area lingers and can affect other areas for no reason except for happening close in time.

For other emotions, think of a time you were unshaken by someone doing something that would normally annoy you — showing up late, talking too loud, etc. What did you do before? Were you happy just before?

Think of a time you were happy, satisfied, calm, or the like. If you remember, did you continue to feel resilient toward problems afterward?

Like emotions you don’t like, emotions you do like also linger and affect you afterward.

Creating emotions you want creates a self-reinforcing resilient cycle.

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