Listen, I’m just being honest. Other people might not be, but I am. If you can’t handle honesty, that’s on you, not me. There’s nothing wrong with the truth.
You’ve heard people say that message before, even if not to you or in those words. Maybe you’ve said words like them.
Nobody likes someone treating them like an idiot, especially when the person doing it pretends they are doing you a favor.
When someone says something to hurt you and then pretends they were just being honest and if you can’t take it it’s your problem, they’re doing that.
Everyone knows a message can be delivered a million different ways. Everyone also knows anyone communicating a message has multiple motivations, but at least one is to help themselves.
Someone with a difficult message who genuinely wants to help will start with the listener’s interests first and figure out a way to help. You can tell they wanted to help when the listener thanks them, or at least doesn’t demand an explanation.
Someone who had to explain themselves, probably didn’t want to help. They probably didn’t have the listener’s interests at heart, or at least buried them below their own interests. There are a million ways to be honest. If you chose one that hurt,
If they try to imply they were helping after devaluing the listener’s interests, especially on something difficult to communicate, you can bet they were just trying to help themselves, and are now speaking in a condescending way to the listener.
If someone pulls the jerk move around you, I hope you know to see through their aggressive, self-righteous ruse. If you pull it on someone, I hope you see through your own.
Great post Josh! It is very true that there are a million ways to express a thought, opinion, or position or feeling… the key is to know the listener, as you said. Your post reminds me of Covey’s Habit of First to Understand Then be understood.
Thank you, especially that you reminded me. I haven’t read that book in a while and I’ve been meaning to.