[Hayden Kessinger]

Beliefs

Hi Friends! I’m writing to you from Painted Post, NY where I am attending the New York State Outdoor Education Association annual conference. This is a pretty sweet way to lead into the final week of my internship. Today was full of workshops and some networking and tomorrow will be the same. I’ll also be giving my own workshop tomorrow! Well, kind of. I’m going to be sharing the Spodek Method, which is obviously not my creation. I’m very excited and nervous.

The nature of my workshop and the nature of my mind going into it are both relevant for the beliefs I recorded for homework this week. We moved up from writing our inner monologue to writing our beliefs. This means thinking about and writing things like “getting enough sleep is important to be healthy” instead of things like “I should get more sleep.” The latter is a judgment based on the former which is a belief. I enjoyed this exercise as it helped me realize the roots of why I think the things I do. When I noticed a thought that sounded like it was coming from a belief, I sat with it for a few moments and tried to discern what the underlying belief was. I didn’t do a great job keeping up with this exercise throughout the week but still wrote down 41 beliefs. I’d like to do more, but I wanted to still reflect on these for now.

Did I notice any trends or patterns?
Yes. Most of my beliefs were related to health and wellbeing. And many existed in juxtaposition — I’d write one thing and immediately think about the opposite belief. I think this is most common when thinking about my own self-worth and abilities. There’s a belief that I’m not smart or good, etc. but then a rebuttal to that belief, like “no, I actually am smart, etc.”

Did I notice unexpected beliefs?
Yeah, a few. I didn’t expect to have as many negative beliefs. Like I said above, they were countered by a positive one that I felt like is my true belief. But the negative belief is there in some capacity nonetheless.

Did I notice the difference between beliefs and strategies?
Yes, I think so.

How do beliefs work?
Honestly, I don’t think I know. They can come from many sources and experiences. Sometimes I have no idea why I believe certain things and not others. They can also be changed!

How do beliefs affect my life?
I think beliefs can play a big role in guiding my decisions. They make me look at the world in my own specific way. They’re the source of my judgment of others and myself. They can make me happy or sad.

Where and how might I apply my experience in the rest of my life?
Similar to past exercises, I’d like to simply continue this practice of noticing my beliefs. I hope to apply it by taking pause when I have a judgment and considering what belief it is stemming from. Knowing the breadth of my beliefs will be helpful for understanding myself and others.

I think I have a lot to learn when it comes to being mindful of my thoughts and beliefs. I’m not confident in all of my answers to the questions above but looking forward to learning more. This will be a lifelong process, I’m sure 🙂

I keep having thoughts about being more mindful, meditating, or exercising more but then give myself a pass to do it when I’m less busy. I have to say, I’ve never felt so busy in my life but I also know that by prioritizing those things, even just a little bit more, will add to my life and give me more time rather than taking it away. Just last night a coworker commented that I’m like the little engine that could. In a way it felt good — I’m being acknowledged for my hard work. Mostly, however, it made me feel kinda sad. I don’t want to be a person that just keeps going, going, going. I don’t want to try too hard to impress others and end up exhausting myself and ignoring other more important parts of my life. So, on that note, I’m going to stop writing and post this!

[Hayden Kessinger]

Back at it with more optimism!

Its great to read how you feel your thoughts have improved over time. You and Beth both mentioned this. Its encouraging, so thank you. I look forward to hearing how the 30 days of thoughts goes.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Organizing thoughts

Thanks for the new way of working with my thoughts. Putting them in literal (kinda) trays with labels in my mind. Intellectually I basically always recognize when one thought is harmful or not serving me, but I definitely don’t always use that intellect very well. By deliberately putting them in their place, I think that could help.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Hmmm

Thanks for making me go, “hmmm”, Beth. Why do we need to explain things. Just feeling or sensing sounds awesome, and I think it is awesome on the rare occasion I experience it.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Slow down and play more!

I can relate to feeling playful during this exercise. It was fun and gave me permission to let go. Also, love the line about the “cherry-flavored cherry” My heart breaks thinking about all of the amazing uneaten food that tastes so much better than its attempted replacements that do get eaten. I had a date for the first time just a couple of years ago and was blown away! And I’m sure there are many many more delicacies that deserve my attention.

[Hayden Kessinger]

More color

I think you hit the nail on the head by saying being “present seems to add so much more color and detail.” That and your last two sentences really resonated with me.

I can also relate to your habit of eating quickly and too much. It’s a strange thing and really frustrating, and honestly embarrassing (again, for me at least). Thanks a bunch for sharing.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Very cool

Thanks for sharing, Eugene! Both the details about the raisins themselves and the greater experience. I find it very cool that you became so deeply present through this exercise. I has somewhat similar experiences, but not quite to this depth. I did it with pieces of a date and then pieces of a banana, so now I want to try with a raisin and see if I taste cinnamon (my favorite spice!).

[Hayden Kessinger]

Always learning!

I love your curiosity and humility when it comes to learning, Ivette! Having been led through several memories this week, it’s not easy to describe the emotions (even when I know what’s coming!). I find that tapping into the sensory experiences helps a lot. It sounds like you did a good job leading your friend Tiana to get to her emotions by asking her to sort of bring you to the beach with her. As we discussed in class, take your time (and let them take their time) getting to the emotions.

As for Santosh, I bet he left your conversation feeling better and more calm, even if it felt somewhat frustrating for you. I’m sure Josh and Evelyn can speak more about navigating similar conversations as they have more experience than me 🙂

[Hayden Kessinger]

Plank buddies!!

[Hayden Kessinger]

Getting the reps

Congrats on doing the reps, Lorna! From your post and our conversation, it seems like you’re learning from each conversation (and finding them enjoyable!). I look forward to hearing more in class.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Well done!

Thanks for sharing your experience Christof. I hope the conference went very well and I’m curious to learn more. Very interesting nature moment from your friend! Definitely the first of its kind I’ve heard about.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Tip for posting

Hey everyone! I love reading your reflections and look forward to hearing more about them today in class. To make the format easier to read, you can start with a simple title (like “Exercise 2” or whatever you want) and then hit the “enter”/”return” key twice to begin writing your reflections. This way, the first line will be large and the rest will be normal text that is not all squished together.

I hope this helps! Let me know if you have questions and we can jump on a call to troubleshoot.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Planning, planning, planning

If I had a nickel for every thought I had about planning for whats next, I’d probably be just as rich as everyone else!

I have plenty of judgmental thoughts about myself and others and then I judge myself for judging… and so on. It’s good to know I’m not alone. And I know by not acting on them, I’m at least moving in the right direction. Eventually, they will become less frequent/central, especially if I keep paying attention 🙂

[Hayden Kessinger]

Inner Monologue

Initial Reflections

I carried a tiny composition notebook that’s somehow stayed with me for at least 10 years, rarely getting used. I tried to record my thoughts three times each day but sometimes I only did it twice. It’s been a super busy week so although I know I’d probably benefit from doing it more, this was what I got.

Josh warned us that at first, writing our thoughts will feel like drinking from a fire hose. That was a pretty accurate description. The moment I went to write down my thoughts, they’d totally change and I wouldn’t even know what to write because they were coming and going so fast. It’s quite fascinating to actually sit and observe your thoughts. Our minds are definitely never blank — even lifelong monks say their mind is crazy. Looking back at the exercise description, I’m realizing I may have messed up a little. The goal is to “capture a thought, remember it, and record it independently of what you’re thinking while writing.” I did that sometimes, but other times, I’d let the first thoughts go and write down the thoughts that came up while writing. Or I’d write about what I was thinking, but not what I was thinking.

Reflection Questions from the book

Did I notice any trends in my inner monologue?

I was typically a bit all over the place, confused, and unsure of myself. But also curious and intrigued.

Did I notice common thoughts?

Yes, definitely. Basically every time I ended up thinking about whether or not I was doing it right. As I wrote, I would think, “are these my actual thoughts or are they descriptions of my thoughts?” I also commonly thought about how I’d like to be better at this. A few times my thoughts were literally nonsense like this: “ba ba pa pa ba daaa. Songs are nice.”

How do I think my thoughts compared to others’?

I imagine there are similarities. I think we all naturally want to be good at things, so I bet others experienced those thoughts as well.

Where and how might I apply my experience to the rest of my life?

It was nice to pay closer attention to my thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes it felt quite powerful to reflect on where my thoughts were coming from. I was able to recognize that some thoughts are very silly, don’t necessarily mean anything, and certainly don’t need to be acted on. I hope to continue noticing my thoughts and get better at not acting on the ones that don’t serve me. There are a couple of unhealthy habits/ways of thinking that I would like to stop, so hopefully this will help. As the week went on, I think I did get better.

[Hayden Kessinger]

I got the same chuckles!

I feel like it has something to do with feeling like a child, curious about the seemingly smallest, least significant things. Permission to be playful.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Eugene,

I find stories like yours from HS fascinating. I was also shy but maybe not as shy as you. I didn’t bother trying to initiate a relationship and instead waited until I practically had no choice but to ask a girl out at age 19. It’s so interesting how we were opposite — you were dedicated to transform your shyness into confidence while I just gradually became more confident (though I’m still far from an extrovert). I strongly relate to your desire to go beyond being liked. You describe my feeling perfectly, “I want people’s lives to be better for having had me in it.” Also like you, I know that “shoulding” people goes nowhere but do it anyway. I hope the next 18 weeks leave us both doing it less.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Very curious to learn more, Joe!

[Hayden Kessinger]

Excited for you!

Sounds like this simple act will be huge. I like your other two options, too. Complimenting people is an underrated route to happiness 🙂

[Hayden Kessinger]

Christof,

Thanks for leading me through the Spodek Method today. I enjoyed our conversation within and outside of the method very much. Interesting that your friend and I both struggled to name the overarching feeling from our memory. Looking forward to reading your future reflections.

[Hayden Kessinger]

Ariella,

Thanks for sharing these reflections. I’m glad you had positive experiences and your family members brought you into their personal memories. I can relate to the feeling of tension when beginning, feeling unsure if the other person will want to talk to me. Almost every time, the experience is similar to how you described it: they get excited and open up quickly 🙂

I’m looking forward to reading/hearing about your future conversations to see how they change when you spend more time guiding the person through their memory.

[Author]

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