Insults describe the person giving them more than the person receiving. How you can learn from yourself when you insult.

August 22, 2013 by Joshua
in Blog, Tips

I overheard some people talking about another group as “douchebags” with “popped collars” who called everyone “bro” or “brah.”

Okay, I get that some people can find others annoying, but to call them douchebags is just mean. You’ve insulted others for other reasons. People call others losers, sluts, assholes, and so on.

More importantly to you, if you’ve ever insulted someone or thought about it, which covers everyone on the planet, is that the insult says something about you:

When you insult someone you evaluate them by your values, which you impose on them. You judge them. You think “I’m better than them” or “I’m right and they’re wrong.”

If they judged you by their values you’d look terrible too. If you considered your thoughts critically you’d sound silly. So what’s the point?

Instead of trying to elevate yourself at someone else’s expense, see how you can learn from your inclination to insult. What are your values? Why do you feel compelled to impose them on someone else? Did they hurt you?

Actually, in the example they weren’t mean because they weren’t saying it so the others could hear. So instead of being mean, they showed they couldn’t accept another group’s values. And what was so bad about calling other people a term short for brother? You could just as well take it as a term of endearment. As for popping their collars, is that hurting anyone?

The insulting group seemed intent on feeling superior. I don’t think they succeeded. The best they could come up with to put the others down was an insult — their opinion. If the insultees were doing things to hurt others, the insulters could have stated what they saw, like “those guys are so loud they are repelling the girls they are trying to attract,” which would show the counterproductivity of their actions. But they didn’t. They just tried to judge other people by their values, values the other group obviously didn’t share.

If the insulters had reasons beyond their opinions to put down others they could have done that, but didn’t, so made themselves look provincial, judgmental, and too scared to share their opinion.

Many of my friends try to avoid people like that too, but that doesn’t mean they are bad people. They just don’t spend time together.

Nearly everyone insults other people, thinking it will make them look better by comparison. You probably do it too.

Next time you insult someone, think of what that insult says about yourself. If you feel you’re so good and they’re so bad, what difference in values are you seeing and why do you think yours are better? Can you access your humility and see if you can learn from them or yourself?

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