What people mean when they say “We have to have a conversation about…” (hint: it’s not about having a conversation)
I hear people say “we have to have a conversation about…” some controversial topic like racism, abortion, and the usual topics. Yet the controversy shows we’re talking about them.
So what do they mean if the conversation is already happening?
What they don’t mean
While I can’t read anyone’s mind, I know they aren’t saying they want to learn new views. They can learn by reading and watching. If they want to learn from people they disagree with, they can just ask, but they don’t.
Judge for yourself, but when people say it, I hear them coming from a place of self-righteousness, not humility or desire to learn. People who feel self-righteous don’t feel they’re lecturing or self-righteous. They feel they’re helping people out of their ignorance. They feel helpful.
What they do mean
I believe the examples below illustrate that they are coming from perspectives that they are right about something they want others to learn from them. It seems obvious to me that people saying the phrased aren’t interested in listening or learning, except enough to imply that they’re not lecturing.
I think they want to lecture, though. When people say “we need to have a conversation” about something, they want to look like they’re listening or at most listen just enough to convince people they disagree with to change their minds and agree with them. I doubt they want to be convinced, persuaded, or led. If they did, they’d just follow or research on their own.

Examples
I searched on “we have to have a conversation about”. The first result came from USA Today subsidiary. In a piece entitled “When finding affordable housing is an issue, the system needs to improve”:
To have a meaningful conversation about affordable housing, we have to have a conversation about government processes and regulations.”
In video of a liberal representative talking to a liberal audience:
REP. SUMMER LEE: “We have to have a conversation about what oligarchy looks like in 🇺🇸 — Oligarchs should not control our government. Elon Musk does not have the best interests of working people at heart, no matter what Latin phrases he uses on Twitter.”
I see them preparing to convince others under the guise of listening, just enough for the others to think it’s a conversation. I don’t see listening as parts of their goals. Note in the headline of the article: “the system needs to improve,” in other words: I know better.
In the video, Representative Lee follows up the phrase with a statement saying what others should and shouldn’t do, then judging someone.
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