Why do people like hearing me share my vulnerabilities?
People like hearing me share my vulnerabilities. I’m not special. People like hearing anyone share their vulnerabilities too, but I noticed it this week about myself.
At the beginning of this week, I thought about blind spots. We all have things we do or don’t do, or know or don’t know, and we aren’t aware of the consequences differing from what we expect. Learning about them can help us improve our lives and relationship. This topic came up in conversation with a group of friends who help each other to grow personally and professionally.
Could I find any of mine? Almost by definition, we can’t see them, so maybe trying to find one’s own blind spots wouldn’t work. Others see them, though, so I thought to try to pay attention to others’ reactions.
Sure enough, midweek someone did something that annoyed me. I responded reactively, as did he in return, which annoyed me more. In the moment, I just reacted, but a few hours later, I noticed the reactivity and his response. I looked inside and noticed my indignation and self-righteousness motivating my response.
Moreover, as I examined where the behavior pattern came from, I thought of how my dad acted that way, which I didn’t like. I think I had picked it up from him and unthinkingly practiced it, incorporating it into my identity.
Looks like a blind spot. I started to think about sharing my observation with the group of friends I talked to about blind spots in the beginning of the week. When I thought to share it, I cringed. It felt like sharing something I did that I didn’t like and didn’t notice affected me counterproductively but I didn’t notice would show flaws I didn’t want shared. If my life had gone fine without addressing it so far, why bother? If I let sleeping dogs lie, I wouldn’t have to face feeling humble.
How else could I change, though? So I worked through my inhibition and shared what I noticed. What I knew would happen happened.
First, they had observed the behavior. I was blind to it, not others. They had seen the pattern and didn’t like it either. So . . .
Second, they were glad to help. They relished the chance to help me and, of course, help themselves in our relationships since they didn’t like when I reacted with them as I did in the case I observed it.
Third, they told me they liked hearing me share something challenging to bring up. They told me they felt honored. I feel honored when people share such things with me. Yet I still feel inhibited from bringing them up with others.
As I type, I think of other times I’ve hidden shortcomings and later saw hiding them only prevented me from getting help working on them from people who could help. Hiding them perpetuated them. Me trying to put them out of my awareness didn’t sweep them under the rug of reality. It just deprived me of being able to work on them.
The past few paragraphs talked about the benefit to me of sharing flaws and shortcomings. It doesn’t explain why people seem so pleased and rewarded to witness my acknowledging the flaws, shortcomings, and blind spots. The question remains:
Why do people like hearing me share my vulnerabilities?
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