Beth
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BethParticipant
The Model
Situation 1: I have anxiety about the changing administration in the US government and want to feel more calm and directed
ENVIRONMENT – In my home reading about or watching the news about the incoming administration or having conversations with friends
BELIEF – Autocracy and oligarchy are taking over in the US government
EMOTION – Sadness, resignation, determination, curiosity
BEHAVIOR –
1. Avoid reading or watching any news and avoid discussions of it
2. Engage with Indivisible to learn how to use my individual power to more effectively use my power as an individual citizen.
3. Change my self-talk to include the “opportunity” that the current circumstances offer in changing what needs to be changed in order for government to serve the needs of all its citizens.Situation 2: I would like to be more flexible physically
ENVIRONMENT – Arriving home after my daily exercise routine.
BELIEF – Exercising every day makes me feel good about life and adding stretching at the end would make it even better.
EMOTION – Relaxation, satisfaction
BEHAVIOR – Finish my daily exercise routine with stretching.
REFLECTIONS:
I have not exactly written out my “emotional model” before this class but I have studied them and have used them consistently throughout my life with increasing awareness of doing so as the years progressed. I enjoyed seeing how Josh structures his thinking about this topic. I would say the most stark contrast I see in my model from Josh’s is that mine is more based on emotional experience than mental constructs. An example of this would be in his discussion about beauty at the end of the third video. When asking if one could see beauty in one scene vs. another, he referred to recognizing the plate tectonics of the mountain scenes in his journey to seeing the “equal” beauty of the scenes. I immediately imagined myself sitting in those scenes and felt the presence of beauty which also was an imaginative exercise but one that focused on feeling (“presence”) rather than thinking about their nature. Even with the cockroach I could see myself in the presence of the roach appreciating its design and intricacy. With the person polluting, I could feel the “person-ness” which sparks my curiosity about what they might be thinking when they decide to leave the car running with the a/c on, or wonder if they are stressed, hurried, etc.The usefulness of using environments, beliefs, emotions, behaviors is yet to be seen for me. I appreciated the invitation to look toward a couple of things I would like to address and to apply this model. I don’t feel ready to evaluate comparisons or usefulness yet.
The discussion of pleasure, happiness and reward made me think about the studies in delayed gratification. In some ways, this demonstrates the difference in the instant pleasure of now and the ability to imagine experiencing increased gratification (reward?) if I wait just a little while longer. Will I withstand the discomfort of “longing” right now for the perceived greater reward later? I have pondered this issue in this group of people interested in changing our own behaviors regarding polluting and changing the tide of behavioral norms in our human society. It seems to me that people in this group experiences the sensation of reward, and even happiness, without the necessity of “pleasure” immediately. In my experience, the pleasure may come, but it isn’t necessarily immediate. I’m still working on this but it is definitely in the mix as I examine the differences between the three.
January 12, 2025 at 8:14 am in reply to: Exercise 13: Your Models for Leadership and Emotions #20560BethParticipantWhat is Leadership
I am not posting my essay because it is not finished. I have gone in so many different directions in what I am thinking and feeling about this that I have chosen not to post it yet.
BethParticipantAvoid Imposing Values
I caught few examples of using the “imposing values” words. When I did recognize using them in speaking, I felt like a big “GONG” go off in my head and I immediately reworded what I said to more of an “I statement”, using a statement of my feelings as opposed to my judgements.
The most glaring example that comes to mind is when I was out with my sister and brother-in-law listening to music. The waitress automatically brought water in plastic cups and I moaned. My sister said something about a message on the side of the cup about recycling and my response was a very emphatic “yeah but that’s bullshit”. My sister recoiled and I recognized my behavior as EXACTLY the opposite of what I want to do and having exactly the opposite effect that I would like to generate. I then said that what I meant was that very little plastic is recycled and that I wished I had told the waitress I didn’t want it before she put it down. The energy of my statement stopped conversation and took some time to dissipate.
Another time I recognized that I used the word “good” in an email response to Josh’s birthday greeting to me. On this occasion I didn’t recognize my use of the word until the next morning when I was meditating and I “saw” the word in my head and it made me laugh. He expressed appreciation in his email and I appreciated that. I said something like I was glad he experienced my having brought some “good” things to his life. On further reflection, what I wanted to communicate was that I appreciated his sharing some of the ways I had touched his life.
One of the things I appreciated most about this exercise was taking Hayden’s comment about being a beginner to heart and approaching it with “beginner mind”. I had a meditation that exploded with recognition that “beginner mind” is the source of awe and wonder, of being present in the moment. This prompted me to approach this exercise with fewer preconceptions.
One of the places I most frequently saw these words was in my inner monologue. “I could have done that better”, “I’m always wanting to do my best”, etc. I will continue to watch in this arena as well as in the world around me.
BethParticipantNo, But, However
What fraction of your no, but, and however responses do you think you caught?
I think I caught a small fraction of them, but I don’t know what that might be. I found that I was more aware of the “energy” of “but” or “no” and was unsure whether I had said the words or not.
Did you notice changes in others’ reactions?
It was in reactions that I ended up asking myself if I had used the word. A friend was giving me information and a recommendation for a house sharing site that I felt unlikely to use. When he started speaking with more emphasis and arguing strongly for my considering it, I asked myself if I had said “no” or “but” and I didn’t know if I had or not, but he acted like what I imagined he would IF I had used those words.
How do you imagine the different responses feel?
I’m not sure I understand this question, but I think in the example above, once I realized he was feeling the need to vigorously suggest the site, I took a curious point of view and his energy changed.
How else could you begin your responses?
“What if…”
“I was thinking…..”
“I wonder…..”
“What do you think about….”
“Sometimes it might be…..”Do you think others noticed a difference?
I don’t think I was aware of doing it often enough to answer that. In the example above, his energy did change when I consciously changed my “posture” of “but”.
BethParticipantChanging Beliefs 2
The emotions and beliefs I identified were:
1. I believe people’s fear has resulted in electing an authoritarian leader and that we are seeing a frequently repeated cycle in history.
2. I feel grief, powerlessness, hopelessness, resignation and anger
3. I would rather feel connected to my own power and hope and the willingness to do something in the face of the government that has been chosen.
4. My new belief is that I experience my own power and hope when I act from love and curiosity with everyone, those with whom I see eye to eye politically and those I do not.
BethParticipantHey, Evelyn,
I love reading this report of the changes you have implemented in those trying circumstances and how you have experienced success with this (as I know you have in the past, as well, sometimes just a little poke to get back to what we know works, huh?) I think you have been exploring changing beliefs your whole life and that this fits as another tool in your toolbox for how to approach that task.
Beth
BethParticipantJim,
I love how you described how minds work with adopting beliefs whether they are “true” or not and the difficulty with identity at times in changing them. Sounds like your approach with your team was fruitful which is really inspiring!
Beth
BethParticipantHey, Hayden,
Thanks for the invitation to talk about beliefs together. Your description above is very clear and it is exciting to hear about your success in practicing this!
Beth
BethParticipantChanging Beliefs
1. Did your initial candidate belief feel fake? Did that feeling change?
No. This is not a new concept for my life. It is a new process by which to choose alternative stories.
2. Did you feel like you could not just change “a” belief but beliefs in general?
Yes.
3. Did you sense how your mind adopts beliefs and changes them?
Yes
4. Where and how might you apply your experience to the rest of your life.
It was a reminder to me to consciously review what my beliefs are when I’m feeling an emotion that I would call negative and playfully/intentionally/creatively explore alternatives.
BethParticipantAuthentic Voice
Did your voice change?
I’m not sure if this means my actual physical voice or what I was saying. I had meaningful conversations each time, deeply personal and satisfying. In the conversation with Josh, I realized that each of them hadn’t exactly followed what he was suggesting. That being said, my voice when I was “just talking to myself” was maybe physically different. The invitation to speak with my “authentic voice” is something I took seriously and spoke deeply about the things I was feeling that I might not have spoken outside of that invitation.
Did it feel more authentic? If so, how?
I talked to myself throughout the week and hearing out loud the voice that was inside was interesting but didn’t feel particularly revealing or different. When speaking with Josh and he pointed out the difference when I was speaking “about” what I was thinking, vs speaking directly my thoughts, I saw the difference and heard that it felt more “authentic” to him. When I spoke to others, I started with speaking my thoughts and then that progressed to sharing more deeply what I was feeling. It became less an exercise and more a deep conversation. Those felt authentic and deeply nourishing.
Did you fear saying anything you’d regret? Did you say anything you regret?
No
How do you feel about speaking more openly?
I made meaningful connections in each conversation.
How did others respond?
Each person I spoke with responded positively, frequently with further conversation that took us to deep places of connection.
Do you want to do it more? Less? Differently?
I’m not sure. Based on my conversation with Josh after the other conversations I had, I don’t think any of us were doing it the way he had in mind. I got a lot out of my conversations with classmates and I would like to have more like them. In terms of the assignment, I think I need to try more simple practice with it to know.
BethParticipantHayden,
“Rather than feeling an unwanted emotion and trying to out-think it or avoid it, I could dive a little deeper and let it go.” That is very cool. I love that you had fun with this!
BethParticipantLeadership Step-by-Step
Unwanted Beliefs1. How did this compare with writing your beliefs
I have to first acknowledge again that I did not find a way to make it work to write things down as I was feeling them. I usually felt something in the middle of doing other things, in transit somewhere, in a group, etc, and stopping to write down what I was feeling didn’t feel like an option. I wrote them down later.
I didn’t feel much difference in this exercise and the last about recording feelings. I watched my feelings of judgement and of others and myself arise frequently as I had unwanted feelings. I think that being a therapist trained me to watch my own negative feelings scrupulously in relationship to others and it is a lifetime habit. I tried to recognize anything different that might arise in this particular exercise but I honestly can’t say that I saw my feelings differently.2. Were you able to separate your beliefs from the emotions they evoked.
The hotter the emotion, the more time it took me to get out of the emotion and articulate the belief underlying the emotion.
3. Were you able to separate your beliefs from your identity.
This is a lifetime process! One of my beliefs about what this life is about is continuously learning that I am not my ideas, my thoughts or my beliefs. I see it as the helix. I keep seeing/learning this in ever evolving levels of understanding.
4. How did you feel while thinking about the beliefs and emotions.
I sometimes felt like what Josh described feeling when he meditates; “I’m probably doing this wrong”. I thought of Josh’s example of believing that not locking your knees was the “right” way to stand as a child, but then thinking “that has a should in it”. So what is the belief behind that should? That standing with your knees locked will hurt you? So much of my processing time was trying to figure out if I was missing something. If the way I first expressed my belief had an implied should, I tried to examine what I thought the outcome would be if that should wasn’t met. I felt a little twisted around in a way that didn’t feel particularly enlightening.
5. How did that feeling change over the course of the exercise, if it did.
It really didn’t change.
6. Did awareness of the belief make the feelings stronger? Weaker? Different?
Yes. Examining the belief behind/underneath the feeling changed the feeling, sometimes to a different feeling and sometimes it diminished in intensity. I don’t think I had an experience of the emotion increasing in intensity.
7. Where and how might you apply your experience to the rest of your life.
The story that Josh shared in the chapter about his experience with his professor can also be described as “reframing” the experience he had with the professor or “changing the narrative” he used to explain the experience to himself. I think this is what this exercise helps us do. When we have negative emotions, creating other ways of looking at the disturbing events by looking at our beliefs can completely change how we experience what was originally experienced as distressful.
November 16, 2024 at 10:04 am in reply to: Exercise 5: Write Others’ Beliefs and Write Society’s Beliefs #20254BethParticipantLeadership Step by Step
Others’ Beliefs Reflections
I reflected on and thought about others’ beliefs a lot this week and I need to acknowledge that carrying around something to write on and to write what I’m observing in the moment is not something I did very often. I observed and noted what I thought might be a person’s belief, but I wrote it down later. On my first run through the chapter, I missed the “society’s beliefs” part, so I just did that at the end of the week.
I have spent most of my professional life working with people in ways that take deep dives into what they believe and how that influences their behavior and emotions. In preparing for that career, I took a deep dive into my own beliefs and the consequences of those in my life. It was still helpful to do this exercise in a more random way, looking at the people and the world around me in the frame of beliefs.
I suppose that one trend in my observations might be that I tend to look through a lens of emotions and so my observations were often focused on what emotions I believed I was witnessing. Fear, joy, guilt, anger, hopelessness, hopefulness (and more) underly the beliefs I identified.
Regularly observing how others are behaving through the lens of beliefs helped me keep it in my pocket for regular use. How accurate I was is not determinable without further information. It is my experience that we learn how accurate we are as we interact with people using the underlying assumption about their beliefs and observe if that assumption moves us in the direction of better understanding. I think I am accurate much of the time based on my experience in life thus far.
Consciously taking the vantage point of looking for beliefs was helpful in recognizing my own judgements. This motivated me to look beyond that impulsive response to one of interest and curiosity. In this time of political upheaval, I found the practice helpful and calming.
I participated in several meetings this week around an organized response to what is anticipated to be coming with the next administration. I noticed that much of what was accomplished by those leading these meetings was a very strategic effort to help people join in a belief that individual action matters and is most effective in numbers. Truly, the meetings were all about addressing beliefs. The specifics of this or that action was secondary to first believing that our actions do matter.
I like the idea of “keeping in my pocket” for use at any time my curiosity about what the belief is that underlies any given behavior I am witnessing.
Society’s Beliefs
1. Buying things in packaging is normal
2. Government should help me/ protect me
3. Borders protect us
4. Flying is normal
5. Buying more improves the economy
6. Technology will help solve the climate crisis
7. Laws should be fair
8. Music is part of our identity
9. Money matters
10. Family matters
11. Creating trash is normal
12. “Someone” is in chargeBethParticipantBeliefs
My beliefs tended to be mostly from the “eagle” perspective as opposed to the “mouse”, i.e looking at things from a more distant vantage point than up close. I think there was one thing that came up for me as a belief that wasn’t exactly surprising but maybe felt with more generalized sentiment than I had previously noted. I didn’t write any strategies, I don’t think, I think they were all beliefs.
Beliefs are the lens through which I make meaning out of the data I receive from my senses. They are something like our skeleton or the frame of a house. The incoming data gets placed according to the infrastructure our beliefs have constructed. I see the world around us according to what I believe. I hear what another says to me in the context of my beliefs. I put stories to my emotions and sensations according to what I believe about life and myself. And one belief I have is that we all think that what we believe is “right” which frames how we interact with others. It is only with a belief that I could be wrong, or I might be missing something, when something opens up in me to listen or observe differently. This is something that I think is incredibly important to cultivate in my life in order to grow beyond my current identity or limitations.
BethParticipantEvelyn,
The truth “I am not my thoughts”, seemed reinforced by writing them down and observing them as an external thing. Your observation of the flow of thoughts changing, becoming quieter as you followed them also rang true in my experience.
I didn’t write about the selection process of what I wrote and what I didn’t write but I appreciate your articulating that part of the process. For me, on one hand it felt like picking flowers from a field of possibilities, on the other, like wanting to hide something in the closet when my mom was coming in the door. As you said “who am I really hiding from?”
BethParticipantHayden,
I love the nonsense thoughts you shared. Sometimes for me it is a sensing or feeling that doesn’t really have words until I put words on it. That feels like a mixed bag because sometimes I just want to feel or sense whatever it is without words or explanations.
BethParticipantEvelyn,
Your playfulness is always an inspiration to me! What a playful description of your experience.
Your recognition of slowing down, not just with eating but with life, is a theme in what 3 of us have written so far. I have been playing around with that when I eat when I walk, when I’m just hanging out somewhere. There seems to always be treasures right here in front of me when I stop to notice.
BethParticipantOlivia,
That sense of being “rushed” is such a thief, don’t you think? That is my conclusion, anyway. It robs me/us of all of the richness of what is right in front of us right now. I also walked away being reminded on slowing down! I hear that in your comment about listening to comprehend, more than respond. It is similarly being present to listen rather than being rushed ahead in time with a response. Thanks for providing me with another reminder.
BethParticipantHayden,
YES! We all have judgmental thoughts about ourselves and others. I totally agree with you that the issue is what we DO when we have them! See you tomorrow!
BethParticipantInner Monologue Reflections
Watching my inner monologue is a decades old practice for me but writing my thoughts down isn’t part of my normal practice. Looking back on what I wrote I would identify three categories:
1. Planning for what I need to do in the future
2. Looking back on what already happened
3. Reflecting on how I am feelingWhat I wrote didn’t really have common thoughts other than what I stated above, but I am aware of recurring thoughts that I have that weren’t demonstrated by this exercise. I set the alarm for three times a day. I didn’t always write when the alarm went off but it reminded me to do the exercise when I could write. I did recognize that my thoughts are often of an organizing and planning type, how to get things done and in what sequence I need to do them according to priorities.
I would guess that the categories of my thoughts aren’t much different than others but that there would be significant differences in content and emphasis. I know in my earlier years, I had more evaluative thoughts than I do now, specifically negatively evaluating myself or judging others. These thoughts lead to challenging emotions that need to be dealt with. I still have those kinds of thoughts, but they are not often central, and they don’t consume much of the oxygen of my thinking. I have learned strategies to observe them and make choices about where I want to put my energy. I think age and practice have contributed to the difference (“method observation of thoughts” otherwise known as meditation and self-reflection?)
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