“I can’t do sustainability because my [spouse or kids] won’t go for it.”
One of the most common rationalizations/justifications/excuses I hear for not trying to live more sustainably is saying someone’s spouse or kids make it impossible. Never mind that humans lived sustainably as healthy, safe, and secure as today for 250,000 years.
One person told me “sustainability is nice until it runs into a six year old.”
Another: “my wife shops for food. She gets what she gets. If it’s packaged, it’s packaged. I can’t do anything about it.”
The purported “reasons” aren’t reasons. They’re excuses not to try. If they saw themselves as we see people who participated in cruel systems before, like slavery, they would never say, “I can’t stop buying slave-produced sugar or cotton because my spouse needs them.” Future generations will see us that way. We only have to distance ourselves from the intensity of the moment to see we’re contributing to the problem as much as people buying slave-produced goods. The main difference is that the number of people suffering and dying today is orders of magnitude greater than even the height of slavery.
After years of hearing people sharing about their family situation led me to realize something staring me in the face that I nonetheless hadn’t seen: though each person’s situation is unique, we all face the challenge of anticipating resistance from at least one person close to us. The people complaining about friction from spouses and kids aren’t facing greater challenges. We all face friction from people we love as well as mainstream society.
That challenge, that friction is universal. Again, every situation is unique, but that people who take it love the results of my workshop, even ones with spouses and kids, I think attests to it helping in that area. Many of them become closer to their family and kids.
I’m not saying applying sustainability with a resistant spouse or kids is easy. I’m saying many people have done it. Each person has to solve the situation for themselves, but sloughing off their responsibility to stop hurting others for their comfort and convenience likely violates their values.
Several of my podcast guests share how their spouses and kids provided their most valuable support.
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