Why I want fewer people in my life

August 31, 2015 by Joshua
in Habits, Nonjudgment, Relationships

“Dude. Why don’t you take people’s numbers / email addresses?”

At a video shoot last week, three people told me they wanted to follow up with me so I gave them my contact information. Immediately after the event, I wrote in my calendar to follow up, following my habit, “Schedule your follow-up when you email!” which I apply beyond email connections.

After not hearing from them, I wrote my friend who invited me and knew them.

He responded with the question above.

I responded

Why do I believe the words people tell me when they say they will call? Because I put faith in people. If they don’t follow up, I’ve filtered out someone with low self-awareness. If they do, I find someone who does what they say.

I don’t have time for people who don’t do what they say, so why not filter them out? Or worse, people who think they are being honest while they could know they aren’t. I have better ways to waste my time than dealing with people who say one thing and do another.

I thought I explained all this a couple times already.

You vouched for [one of them], so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

The other two showed extra interest in me — reading my blog, recognizing me from a party where we hardly met. Those pluses balance with the minuses, so I’ll put some effort while I’m following up your recommendation.

I’m not judging the people. My response isn’t based on whether they are good, bad, or whatever. I’m seeing if we match on interests, values, etc. If I’m not interesting or memorable to them, I presume they are still awesome people, just with other priorities than me. That’s fine. I have my online course to finish and start marketing, my book to write, my courses to teach, clients to work with, and so on.

I used to want more people in my life. There are seven-billion-plus. I can’t meet that many. I’ve learned to prefer relationships where we mutually value each other. Low value relationships distract me from the high value ones.

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