Yesterday I wrote about how we often judge people implicitly without realizing — often a repellent behavior — and one class of implicitly judgmental language. The second class of implicitly judgmental language is when you make value judgments without realizing it. Here are a few examples: “People on the left say X. People on the right say Y. I’m not political about it, I’m practical and I look for a[…] Keep reading →

Do you like being judged? Nobody likes when someone else is self-righteous, holier-than-thou, or high-and-mighty to them. Would you be shocked to find you’re judging people — thereby repelling them — without realizing it? Would you want to do something about it? You probably avoid judgmental people. I’d bet it’s one of the major reasons you avoid the people you do. (Clients often mention their parents here. Even recognizing their[…] Keep reading →

A few thoughts from when I heard last night that U.S. soldiers killed Osama bin Laden. This passage of the Tao Te Ching resonated most with me: Weapons are the tools of violence; all decent men detest them. Weapons are the tools of fear; a decent man will avoid them except in the direst necessity and, if compelled, will use them only with the utmost restraint. Peace is his highest[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Two days ago I wrote at a high level about getting rid of guilt and blame. Yesterday I wrote about understanding others’ emotions of guilt and blame. Today, let’s[…] Keep reading →

“Does Harvard pay off?” was the title of a thread a friend posted on A Small World (and re-posted on his blog) whether a higher education was worth it. The discussion didn’t lead to a full consensus, but many people from within Harvard’s community and the Ivy League answered yes for various reasons. Based on my faithfully rewarding strategy “don’t look for blame, but take responsibility for making things better[…] Keep reading →

I can tell you the root of happiness. I’m talking about the root of the word, not the emotion per se, but they’re related, so the answer is telling. First, let’s note that for many people, happiness is their highest value, over money, fame, fortune, and power. More pointedly, when you ask people what they want for their children, happiness ranks yet higher. The root of happiness is hap, which[…] Keep reading →

Myth: great personal change or development takes time. You have to understand where you are, your goals, and how to get from one place to the other. Myth: great personal change is hard. You have to overcome hurdles that take time, energy, and other resources. I believed those myths for a long time. I hear people counseling others with them all the time. Now it pains me to hear those[…] Keep reading →