How do you think when someone acts unexpectedly, especially a way you don’t like. That result is usually the opposite of leadership, where you want people behaving the way you lead them.

I used to think something like

They did something wrong. Why would they do that?!? What’s their problem? I know how to do this right. I have to change them. What should I do to get them to behave how I want?

I still think that way sometimes, I guess out of habit more than effectiveness because I don’t find it effective at influencing people to follow my lead. It annoys the other person and it frustrates me.

Now I think something more like

I didn’t expect that result. I don’t like that result. It may look bad, but I doubt they intended to do something bad. They have the same motivational system that I do, so they must have had different inputs to get a different output. I wonder what different environments, beliefs, and behaviors made that look like right. How would I have to experience the world to have done that?

What can I learn from them?

Since I assume they have the same emotional system as me, I get curious about what differences they have and I wonder what I can learn from them.

I respond more with empathy and compassion than I did before.

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