I grew up in liberal, progressive households and I don’t remember everything of how I viewed leadership, but I’m pretty sure I viewed it skeptically.

Well, when Martin Luther King or Gandhi did it, it seemed inspirational, but when I considered doing it, I shied away. I’m trying to remember how I viewed it because I work with a lot of people who are liberal and progressive and they shy away from leading people.

More than shy away, they seem to sabotage themselves from improving at it. They seem to shun it as something unseemly.

I think they view it as coercive, like “If I do something that leads someone to do something they wouldn’t have otherwise, I must be coercing them without their consent.”

I think they view it as sneaking around someone’s consent.

I think they view it as hierarchical, in particular imposing hierarchy on others, which for them often means patriarchal, maybe racist, sexist, etc. I think they feel like if they try to lead, they’re saying that they think they’re better, or have more status or privilege than the person they’re leading, which they’re loathe to do.

I don’t think they can see someone leading others as playing a different role, not presuming to be better. I see a conductor not as ordering the musicians in the orchestra around, but as playing a different role. A basketball coach isn’t better than the players. He or she just plays a different role that an on-court player couldn’t play. I think they struggle to imagine someone influencing someone else playing a supportive role.

I think liberals and progressive might see using social and emotional skills as trickery. I think they think you should just rationally talk to someone, at every step ensuring clear, voluntary enthusiastic consent.

I don’t think they view it as in my working definition for leadership: Helping other people do what they already wanted to but haven’t figured out how. I don’t see it as remotely coercive or imposing hierarchy. On the contrary, it’s the opposite to me. It requires listening, empathy, compassion, and related social and emotional skills.

By contrast, at least on political issues like sustainability, they embrace using government to coerce others and impose their will on them. They won’t even consider trying to lead someone to pollute or deplete less, but they will try to impose their wills on them through legislation.

Am I close?

If you know what’s going on or if any of what I wrote above rings true to your experience considering leading, please let me know. I see liberals and progressives avoid helping and supporting people who would thank them if only they would overcome their inhibitions or whatever holds them back. Whatever they think leadership is, it’s not that.

• ← Some of the most thrilling words I’ve read in literature