[This post is part of a series on Cold Showers. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view that series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] What is creative avoidance? You know the feeling, or rather the mental chatter. The scene: Some time ago you told yourself you would do something challenging. Maybe going to the gym, talking to[…] Keep reading →

When you try to lead someone who doesn’t feel understood you ruin your your chances of leading them. I want to emphasize in this post the difference between understanding someone and them feeling understood. You understanding someone happens in your head. Them feeling understood happens in their head. People don’t act on what’s in your head. They act on what’s in their heads. Here’s what trying to lead someone without[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Making someone feel understood is a powerful leadership tool that makes the difference between motivating with external incentives, which merely guide, and internal emotions, which motivate from within.[…] Keep reading →

One of my clients has a boss who hoards information and responsibility and doesn’t give him the support he needs to do his job. Naturally, he wants to influence his boss to lead him better—that is, he wants to lead his boss. You have to see people as people first and positions on organization charts second, take responsibility, and lead them if you want to influence them. The first step[…] Keep reading →

Has anyone ever told you they understood you and then did something that someone who understood you never would? You feel they not only don’t understand you, they think they did, which they don’t, and told you they did, which was wrong. You write off that person as not understanding you and therefore not worth listening to or following. You might not even consider them worth your time to help[…] Keep reading →

I wrote on my model for personal development and coaching of setting your angel free based on Michelangelo’s answer on how he carved David out of a block of marble: “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.“ My model says that since we feel most natural and people are most attracted to us when we behave free of the constraints and motivations others[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Cold Showers. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view that series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I’ve been talking to people about SIDCHAs. I’ve found something surprising that I’d consider researching if I were still in school or had students working with me. Nearly everyone who does a SIDCHA[…] Keep reading →