A longtime reader and friend told me a way he put together to make himself feel better, going back to my 2009 post, “Less, please“. He said “You know how I get to feel better when I’m feeling down? You have your burpees and SIDCHAs. I do my Joshua Spodek Ten. Whenever I feel down, I set a goal of getting rid of ten things.” He described that he had[…] Keep reading →
How to up-lead After my leadership seminars, someone always says “This material is great. I can see how it will improve my life. I’m starting to implement it. But you know who could really use it? My boss!” Most of my clients who have problems at work wish they could change their bosses, a process I call up-leading or up-managing. Come to think of it, our success developing up-leading skills[…] Keep reading →
On another forum I got into a dialog about the mental models of introversion and extroversion I found relevant, given my posts here. My goal on treating the mental model of the one-dimensional introversion-extroversion is deeper than examining this one mental model. It’s to show how much people can confuse mental models with actual observations. Without that confusion you can reject models that inhibit you. They see the mental models[…] Keep reading →
[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Has an interviewer ever begun a question with “Can you tell me a time when …” or asked you about your experience? Such questions arise in job interviews,[…] Keep reading →
[This post is part of a series on Cold Showers. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view that series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] What is creative avoidance? You know the feeling, or rather the mental chatter. The scene: Some time ago you told yourself you would do something challenging. Maybe going to the gym, talking to[…] Keep reading →
When you try to lead someone who doesn’t feel understood you ruin your your chances of leading them. I want to emphasize in this post the difference between understanding someone and them feeling understood. You understanding someone happens in your head. Them feeling understood happens in their head. People don’t act on what’s in your head. They act on what’s in their heads. Here’s what trying to lead someone without[…] Keep reading →
[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Making someone feel understood is a powerful leadership tool that makes the difference between motivating with external incentives, which merely guide, and internal emotions, which motivate from within.[…] Keep reading →
One of my clients has a boss who hoards information and responsibility and doesn’t give him the support he needs to do his job. Naturally, he wants to influence his boss to lead him better—that is, he wants to lead his boss. You have to see people as people first and positions on organization charts second, take responsibility, and lead them if you want to influence them. The first step[…] Keep reading →
Has anyone ever told you they understood you and then did something that someone who understood you never would? You feel they not only don’t understand you, they think they did, which they don’t, and told you they did, which was wrong. You write off that person as not understanding you and therefore not worth listening to or following. You might not even consider them worth your time to help[…] Keep reading →