Would you expect me on a podcast called Ask Women Podcast: What Women Want? With an episode title “How To Be A Leader With Women | The BJ Technique“? Yes, ‘BJ’ meaning what you think. Here are the notes about the hosts, Marni Kinrys and Kristen Carney:
What do a female comic and a professional wing girl have in common? The realistically raw and hilarious perspectives on what women ACTUALLY want in a man. Prepare to be offended and awed as Marni Kinrys & Kristen Carney take you through the uncensored and often ridiculous mind of a woman to help you better understand, appreciate, and avoid getting punched by the next girl you come across.
I met Marni first. Here’s her business page:
Regular readers and listeners to my podcast may know about and connect men connecting with women with my hosting conversations with a couple dating coaches and my touring North Korea with Neil Strauss and Jordan Harbinger.
Before coaching executives on leadership, I coached men on attraction and dating. Before coaching other men on attraction and dating, I got that coaching as part of a many-year overhaul of my life around social and emotional skills, all my relationships, and especially my relationships with women.
While I’ve shared my attraction coaching past with people in person, I’m still taking baby steps to sharing it publicly. Why not share it? Some people reflexively think: helping men meet women equals pick up artist, which equals misogynist!!!!! My experience learning attraction was the opposite, but you can’t stop some people from preconceived notions.
Why share it? Because a lot of what I learned in that intense personal training helped my life beyond nearly anything else, to where nearly every relationship today is better by what I value in relationships than nearly any relationship I had before. What I learned applies to all relationships—work, friends, family, etc. Moreover, how I learned—effectively experiential active learning involving people and outcomes I cared about—was a major foundation to how I teach leadership and everything else.
Then I realized those hypothetical other people’s preconceived notions were preventing me from expressing myself. I can convey where I’m coming from on leadership, entrepreneurship, initiative, and the environment much more effectively without the arm of one of my greatest sources of growth tied behind my back.
I started with baby steps—for example, talking about my coaching in my episodes with Brad P and Chase Amante. In this episode with Marni and Kristen, I share some of my origin story from decades of poor relationships with women to becoming the #1 coach in the #1 market for the #1 guru. At the end I share how my struggling to figure out my clients’ sexual frustrations—missing sex, oral sex in particular, as the ‘BJ’ in the episode title implies—led to my core leadership technique. I frame it in the podcast moving in one direction, but the principles apply in any direction.
Intimacy, vulnerability, support, nonjudgment, and sex
At the core of meaningful relationships is intimacy, which means vulnerability, which comes from support and nonjudgment. I’m no Dalai Lama, but I’ve come a long way and I’ve helped many clients come a long way too—in business, personal lives, and everywhere else.
I plan to open up more about intimacy, vulnerability, nonjudgment, sex, and related things and stop letting fears make me a prude online when I’m not with people I know. If I lose some of you, darn, but I hope those who stick around like what they find and new ones find me. If someone sees me more for their preconceived notion, well, their loss and I’ll have to deal with it when it happens, but I expect it won’t.
Enjoy my opening up on the podcast introducing more comfortable and open relationship and sex talk from me.
Gratitude to Marni and Kristen
Marni and Kristen led our conversation to make me feel comfortable and laugh. Thanks to you both!
(We already scheduled a follow-up conversation on their podcast and Marni and I recorded episodes on my podcast, so more to come.)
Read my weekly newsletter
On initiative, leadership, the environment, and burpees