Nobody likes being insulted. We often feel compelled to respond in kind, all too often exacerbating problems. I haven’t found advice to have a thick skin or not to let it affect you helpful, especially when angry or feeling attacked. It feels like letting the other person win. Understanding the situation from a different perspective makes responding easier. The main principle: When people insult, they say more about themselves than[…] Keep reading →

This exercise transforms your life. It has you do the first three steps of the Method, prepares you for the fourth, and sets up accountability with others for step 4. Accountability is how things get done, so it can help a lot. I do this exercise halfway through my seminar. People get deeply into it, even after sitting in a room for five or six hours. When we review the[…] Keep reading →

The Method’s steps 2 and 3 have you conceive of new emotions, environments, beliefs, and behaviors for emotional cycles you want to change. The challenge How do you pick the new beliefs to crowd out the old ones? Choosing the opposite to existing beliefs rarely helps. You end up debating yourself in your head. Discussion I find complements to beliefs crowd out existing ones more effectively. For example, I found[…] Keep reading →

Many people feel they can’t change themselves or that doing so is fake. Here is a quick exercise to show you how easily you can change yourself because you do it already. Step 1 First answer the question “Who are you?” by describing yourself with three or four adjectives. I know you’re just reading a web page, but if you have pen and paper or can open a window on[…] Keep reading →

If you lined up all the cycles in your life by the amount of reward they brought you, you might represent them like this. The low bar on the left might represent something you can never get right — like feeling helpless about your weight if you’re overweight or about a big debt you have to repay. The high bar on the right might represent the joy you feel for[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model — my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development — which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model — my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development — which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the[…] Keep reading →