More thoughts on “Where you get energy”

Two thoughts to follow up my post from two days ago: Where you get energy. First, after mentioning I was mystified by people who used the same excuses not to dance that I used to dance, I should mention that before my dancing friends got me to go dancing the first time, I would have used any excuse to avoid dancing too. I didn't know how to dance and was afraid of being judged. I'm like everybody else, of course. I had to get over those fears too. Overcoming them once improved my life in one area. Generalizing that result to realize overcoming fears around things I loved brought me my greatest joys improved my life everywhere. Second, after mentioning the energy you feel has…

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If you love it, do it even if you aren’t good at it

"I love to do X, but I'm not good at it" or "I think I'd love X, but I can't do it." Such common excuses not to do something. People just stop thinking or motivating themselves after saying that. Result? Even as they watch others have the times of their lives, they don't sing, they don't go to the gym, they don't dance, they don't get on stage, they don't ask for the promotion, they don't ask out the girl or the guy, they don't rock climb, ... They deprive themselves of things they would love. I can't think of anything you'd want to do less than avoid something you love. If you have a reason that makes sense -- like you're allergic to some…

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Where you get energy

Want to have more energy to do things? I'll demonstrate how how much energy you have to do something rarely has to do with how much energy you have. When I used to go dancing every Friday night I would look forward to the excitement of seeing friends, listening to great music, dressing up, etc. The friends I went out with looked forward to it too. I was mystified by people who would say they were tired at the end of the week and as a result didn't want to go dance. The exact reason motivating my friends and me -- to release, have fun, meet people -- demotivated them. How much energy you have to do something depends more than anything else on the…

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Goodbye guilt and blame, V

[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] My past three posts on guilt and blame have been about beliefs and models. Now let's look at behaviors to solidify and augment that change. Belief without behavior doesn't change your life and no one can tell anyway. Belief consistent with behavior changes your life. Today's suggestion is to be curious about causes of your feelings of guilt and blame and act on it. All too many people ask "Why would they do such a thing?" rhetorically, angrily, not looking for an answer. Yet…

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Goodbye guilt and blame, IV

[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Two days ago I suggested that we all believe we don't try to hurt others and therefore should give others the same benefit of the doubt, even if we feel hurt by them. Yesterday I proposed a model that we all the the best we can, not just yourself. Today I'll combine those two ideas and suggest that if you were in someone else's position and had their same perspective and abilities, you would do the same they would. Being in another's position is…

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Goodbye guilt and blame, III

[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Two days ago I wrote at a high level about getting rid of guilt and blame. Yesterday I wrote about understanding others' emotions of guilt and blame. Today, let's look at people's motivations from yet another perspective. I'll introduce a mental model for people's behavior. I'm not proposing the model is right or wrong. Models are always flawed -- the question is how useful it is. Try this model on for size: Everyone does the best he or she can at the time, given…

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Goodbye guilt and blame, II

[This post is part of a series on overcoming guilt and blame for good. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Yesterday I introduced the topic of getting rid of guilt and blame by understanding the emotions and replacing them with more productive ones. Today, let's look at them from a different perspective: understanding other people's motivations. The better you understand your own motivations, the better you can understand others', so first let's look at your motivations. Have you ever hurt someone intentionally -- that is, acted with your primary intent to make someone's life worse? I've never met someone who acted primarily to make…

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Working on art

When you feel like a superhero it's hard not to indulge in sharing why you feel so great. Solving technical problems makes you feel like a genius when you get it. I've had two days straight of amazing progress. One thing after another fell into place. It all took a lot of research, trial and error, moving step-by-step, not biting off too much at a time. Most of that was software and deliveries coming in. For those who know, the software I'm working on was getting the Western Digital media players for the Union Square digital linear zoetrope display to work remotely, which requires getting into the hacker community for the product. For anyone who doesn't know, working with hacker communities means searching all over…

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When you want to feel fake

Why would anyone want to feel fake? When do you want to feel fake? Developing leadership skills or other types of personal development aren't like learning typical how-to skills. When you develop leadership skills or develop personally, you change how everyone sees you and how you see everyone. You change as a person, in other words. You used to be person A and expect to become person B. As person A you knew what environments, beliefs, and behaviors brought you reward. You knew how to enjoy life. As the person B you will become you expect to know what environments, beliefs, and behaviors will bring you reward so you expect to know how to enjoy life. In between, you don't know how much of A…

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More rapid life-level changes and an origin of this blog

Another example of a significant life-level change that happened almost instantly came from my performing in Follies in business school. You are capable of the same level of change. The scene was my second semester of business school. I had not performed on stage since third grade, thinking I didn't want to, thoughtlessly continuing my third grade rebellious streak. When a friend told me he was thinking about joining the group, I mentioned I was thinking of writing a sketch for it. The next semester I went to the first Follies practice, in which people propose sketch ideas. They liked one of mine -- the one from the conversation with my friend -- but told me what I was afraid of hearing: they only consider…

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The value of looking for solutions over looking for problems

Some people look for problems; others look for solutions. The problem, to me, with people who look for problems is that they can get good at it. When you're with them, you may find yourself surrounded by problems you never would have found otherwise. What I like about people who look for solutions is that they find them. When you are with them, you tend to enjoy yourself, unaware that problems even came up. They may not even be aware "problems" existed in the first place because they made them fun. Personally, I have less and less time for people who look for problems. I fill my life increasingly with people who look for solutions. It's a better life for me. Imagine you're approaching a…

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The fun side of raw food

One of my raw food friends met these guys who call themselves the Raw Brahs (sounds like Raw Bro's). They make goofy, funny, informative videos about eating raw food, being buff, living a life of abundance, and having fun. They eat tons of food, mostly fruits and vegetables, and are seriously buff. I watched them videotape their antics at a McDonalds in Union Square, which they made fun of. In a few days I guess I'll see it posted. In the meantime, I've been watching and laughing at their videos. Plus salivating at their smoothies and fruits. I'm ambivalent about raw food, but I like having fun, laughing, and enjoying whatever I eat, which these guys do in spades. Check them out.

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A master speaks on creative expression

Martha Graham, one of the great artists of the twentieth century -- Picasso-level stature and influence in her field -- entered my life late, in my 30s, when recording Julliard dancers for my art at Lincoln Center. They were perfect people to learn from, dancers actively learning her, describing a "Martha Graham revolution" I'd never heard of before. I'd feel bad about learning about her so late, but since then I've met plenty of people who haven't heard of her either. I understand she allowed few recordings of herself and her work. Her voice-over in the only one I've seen captures some elusive yet essential points about creativity, expression, discipline, repetition, and freedom. When I heard these quotes the first time they resonated like only…

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My New York Academy of Sciences Seminar

April 5 and 7, 6-10pm at the New York Academy of Sciences I will be giving my seminar on Leadership and Personal Success -- the best seminar you'll ever attend. It's similar to the leadership seminar at Columbia Business School in December, but more science-y and less business-y. Here's the background from the NYAS web page (where you can register): Leadership and personal success through self-awareness and emotional intelligence are popular pursuits outside the scientific community—for example, in business, sports, politics, etc. But why not in science? In part because their literature has shaky and often non- or even anti-scientific foundations. If the practices work, though, they are repeatable and amenable to study. Shouldn't we scientists should be able to understand and apply the material…

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Teaching is awesome and inspiring

Class at Parsons today was awesome and inspiring. The project due today -- a linear zoetrope for each group, internally lit -- was a big challenge. At the beginning of class a couple groups appeared to be having trouble -- missed communications, etc. They grouped together, rallied, figured out what they could do during class, and, by the end, nearly every group was nearly finished. I expect each will be done by the end of the week. (I'm hoping to get emails from each group as they mount each completed display). They keep surprising me. Whenever I mention an idea I've never done, one of them implements it better or quicker than I would have. Inspiring. Check out some of their work on the class…

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How do you keep going in the face of adversity?

Here's a model for you: think of a baby learning to walk.No baby learns to walk right the first time. Not even the tenth time. So-called failure for them is not just figuratively painful, it looks physically painful. Yet babies learn to walk. They try and fail. And try and fail. And try and fail. For months they try and fail.This model alone shows how poorly the popular use of the term failure describes that part of the learning process. Failure is inevitable. Failure teaches. Failure is what experience means. Babies build experience when they fall. That's how they learn to walk so well.Can you imagine if after one fall a baby said, "Oh well, I tried my hardest. I just can't walk. I'm not…

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Why are decisions hard?

When you think of deciding, do you think of going toward the choice you decide on? I tend to and I think most others do too.But if deciding is about going toward something we like, why can it be so hard?The -cide in decide is the same -cide as in pesticide, homicide, and suicide -- from Latin, meaning cut or kill. However much we think about deciding as going toward something we like, our language retains the hard part: cutting off or killing something we like almost as much.In choices with obvious differences in value -- like Steven Wright's joke: 'I'd rather be rich than stupid" -- you don't hesitate to cut off or kill the choice you don't like. When differences in values are…

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The empowering relationship between time and priorities

One of the great lessons I learned from my father was that when people talk about how they spend their time, they're talking about priorities. As he put it, "When people say they don't have time to do something, they mean they prioritized something else higher. People have time to do anything. The question is if what they put aside to do something."Internalized over the years, the perspective seems obvious to me now, but it clarifies. If you don't know your priorities you don't know how to spend your time, so you can work long hard hours and achieve little.The main value in the perspective for me is that it enables you to do what you want. Time flows as time flows, outside of your…

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Where does value come from?

What creates value? Do things have inherent value?Many parts of society value gold, money, status, and so on. But if you're hungry enough, those things will lose their value relative to a modest apple.On the other hand, if your material needs are covered, a simple apple loses its value. Water and oxygen are necessary for life, but since they are nearly freely available at least to individuals reading these words, people take them for granted, which means they don't behave like they value them much.My current working model is that things don't have inherent value. Value -- and for that matter meaning, purpose, importance, and related concepts -- comes from the person considering the thing in question. So a thing's value can change based on…

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Demotivating acceptances

[This post is part of a series on turning rejections into motivation. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Despite ourselves, accepting things can demotivate as much as rejections can motivate us. Physics, at its core, has always meant to me studying the most basic elements of our environment: space, time, matter, forces, charge, and so on. Though today I view experiment as its equal, in graduate school I wanted to study theory -- particle theory, in particular. When I was choosing my direction in graduate school, my old undergraduate adviser pointed out to me how little money there was in theory. Without money, there…

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Motivating rejections IV

[This post is part of a series on turning rejections into motivation. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Growing out of its start-up phase and in a recession, Submedia's needs expanded beyond what my skills could handle a few years after we incorporated -- physics trains you well to develop products, and passion will carry you far, but not knowing the value of a balance sheet and not even having taken a class in management, marketing, or finance can hold you back. I wanted to keep working with the medium while no longer CEO. The company, having promised returns to its investors, was only…

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Motivating rejections III

[This post is part of a series on turning rejections into motivation. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] A PhD in physics is a challenge by any measure. Choosing to start the major in your junior year makes catching up that much harder. I felt I was always catching up, filling in details I missed having had to teach myself required classes from a textbook over the summer. Many physics majors know what they want to pursue when they start and finish college with twenty or thirty math and physics classes. Though I was always good at math and science, I hadn't yet learned…

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Motivating rejections II

[This post is part of a series on turning rejections into motivation. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Ultimate Frisbee was one of the great passions of my life. I played for most of twenty years, competing at Nationals, Worlds, and playing with some of the best players in the game. I played in high school, though we didn't know the rules then. If you don't know the sport, do yourself a favor and find a way to watch one at the highest level. It's beautiful, incredibly athletic, and fun. Joining Uptown Local, the Columbia College team, was one of the first things I…

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Motivating rejections

[This post is part of a series on turning rejections into motivation. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] We've all been demoralized and discouraged by rejection. Have you ever been energized and motivated by one? Has one ever been the driving force behind a major projects in your life? So-called failures are often the learning opportunities launching the successes of many of the most successful people I've known or heard of. I presume you've found that pattern too. Rejections can work the same way, motivating you to succeed beyond what they expected you to. In my case, some of the most rewarding parts of…

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