I may update the acronym, but I’ve created one for my upcoming book that I’ve found relevant to many people’s views on pollution, depletion, and the prospect of life and culture without either.

I’ve found useful the acronym TYMCALM (pronounced: Tim-calm, for “That’s Your Mind Creating A Legitimizing Myth”) useful for when people respond reflexively to rationalize or justify a behavior that violates their values. For example, when I say that I haven’t flown since 2016, people often respond that I must not have family flying-distance away, or (outrageously) that I must not love them, or that must not have had to fly for my income.

Now I think, “TYMCALM.” I don’t begrudge them for their minds working the way human minds work. That the responses are predictable doesn’t make them right, only that they help them sleep at night.

For another example, when I mention I no longer have an account with the electric company. People typically reply with a few common responses, like that I must be different than they are. I used to get annoyed at what for me became obviously reflexive, unthinking responses. For them, they felt meaningful and unique.

Now I think, “TYMCALM” and try to help them get beyond pure self-defensive recoil.

Notice that when you drink a glass of water or chat with a friend, your mind doesn’t come up with explanations to rationalize and justify. When you do things that don’t violate your values, you don’t need to legitimize. When you find yourself creating legitimizing myths, even if you use the myths to convince yourself, your having created them means you’re violating your values. You will improve your life more by recognizing the process and stopping violating your values.

A Few Simple Cases

Consider what happens in your heart and mind when you feel tempted to act against a deep value. Everyone is different, but many people tend to resonate with one of these examples.

1. You feel like checking your social media after getting in bed. You know you’re likely to scroll for hours, but you recently committed not to based on thoughtful reflection.
2. You walk into the kitchen to see a slice of gooey chocolate cake you love, but you had decided to avoid such unhealthy self-indulgence after a period of considering your values.
3. You resolved to exercise two days a week for the year. You have though January, but it’s a Friday in late February, you just finished a long, grueling week of work. You’ve only exercised once this week, but your friends who know how hard you worked invited you to relax with a drink after work. You feel you’ve earned it and would enjoy time with them, but know you wouldn’t exercise after.

If you feel tempted to log on, eat the slice, or go for the drink, your mind does a few things, not under your conscious control, but if you pay close attention you can sense it happening.

First your mind recognizes the conflict that acting on the temptation will create, some internal, other social. The internal conflict arises because part of your mind anticipates that succumbing to temptation will lead you to feel emotions you don’t like—that is, unless it can create an explanation the rest of your mind can accept. The social conflict arises because part of your mind anticipates that if people who share your values learn what you’ve done, then succumbing to the temptation may lead to losses to your reputation, relationships, and status—that is, unless it can create an explanation that people who find out can accept. By contrast, if you come up with a great explanation, your mind and peers may laud your action.

Each conflict leads to a different but related process.

The internal conflict prompts a part of your mind to start proposing explanations why eating the cake actually won’t create conflict. It might propose, “I worked hard, I deserve a treat” or “It’s not that unhealthy if I only have a bite or two, or only one slice every now and then.”

Another part of your mind then evaluates each explanation. If it feels acceptable, the first part keeps offering proposals until either the second part decides that that explanation works and thinks,”Let’s eat the cake” or it runs out of ideas.

If you put the cake away, walk away, or some other resolution that removes the temptation, the process stops. If you eat the cake, whatever explanation or combination of explanations overcame the resistance will feel true and right, at least in the moment you indulge. That feeling chocolate of truth and rightness increases when you feel the reward of pleasure when you eat the cake, though it may decrease if afterward you feel the punishment of regret.

The process to resolve your social conflicts regards your relationships with people whose opinion you value and is similar to the process to resolve you internal conflict. Again, your mind imagines consequences, this time what those people might think of you if they find out. They might judge you for how your actions affect them (for example if the cake was their slice they were saving for themselves), for not living by your own values, or for other reasons.

As with the internal-conflict process, one part of your mind proposes explanations that another part evaluates. The social evaluation is more complex because you know less of how others will respond. Your mind can only guess if others will accept your explanations or, if they don’t, if you can resolve any conflict with them anyway. If the evaluative part of your mind feels an explanation will work, you eat the slice, log onto social media, or accept the invitation and join your friends for a drink.

We live in a world with many people trying to tempt us. In fact, as I’ll describe in Chapter 16, the forces that created imperialism made our culture that way. For some things this process happens daily, sometimes multiple times. It happens in multiple ways. For example, with advertising-based media or online shopping sites, it may happen dozens of times per minute. When a waiter brings a dessert tray for everyone at your table to see, the group often goes through the process collectively, ordering dessert they wouldn’t have without that temptation.

• ← Another walk in the park with family Spodek Method commitment
• TYMCALM: Common and Advanced Legitimizing Myths around polluting and depleting →