I’ve never had a flat stomach with definition—a six-pack—but I’m close to it now and I’m amazed at how well getting close to it motivates me to eat healthily and exercise. It’s not the first time I’ve felt motivation to get fit. Earlier times led to long-term changes nothing like what diet books seem to recommend. While I didn’t grow up fat, I was chubby enough that my step-brother made[…] Keep reading →

How often do you say “I need” something? “Need” is a powerful word in social contexts because neediness is one of the most repellent behaviors. Family and very close friends who understand each other deeply can get away with using it. Rarely otherwise. Neediness means they’re putting their interests before yours. Maybe you consider them justified or you know you’ll help them out of friendship, but they’re still doing it.[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday’s post discussed how the world complicates understanding empathy with vague definitions and associating it with neediness and unwanted emotions. Today I’ll describe a simple model to understand empathy simply. A simple model for empathy The model you have for something determines how you understand it and how you use it. I’ll talk about emotions in general and then empathy in particular A simple model for emotions in general Many[…] Keep reading →

You want to improve your empathy because you’ve heard it’s fundamental to leadership, influence, and motivation, but find it hard to define, measure, or see in use, making it hard to improve or learn from others. In other words, empathy is important for working with people, but hard to learn, all the more so for those who lack it most. While I don’t pretend to be the most empathetic person,[…] Keep reading →

Context: Losing your composure hurts you When you lose your composure you don’t get promoted. People don’t follow you if you lose your composure. You lose your ability to motivate or influence them. If you debate or argue with someone and you lose your composure and they don’t—that is, if your emotions become more intense than theirs—you generally lose the argument. People feel emotional reward when someone else’s emotions get[…] Keep reading →

Longtime readers will remember that before burpees I got a rowing machine — see my posts “Best solo workout I know” and “First time sprints” — and enjoyed it, putting in about half a million meters in the first year of using it. I finally it back out of storage and started using it after renovations. I enjoy using it as much as ever. Actually, I’m enjoying it more for[…] Keep reading →

The more I spend time out of school, the more I find value in non-academic things I learned. The more I see people who just work hard—by “just work hard” I mean working hard for other people for a pay check without choosing the job—the more they don’t seem to create greatness or deep satisfaction with their lives. The more I see the great people our society admires don’t seem[…] Keep reading →