Today I’ll take a short break from my thread on the Model to share advice to a client with a common problem: he has grown and changed and a former friend hasn’t. The former friend now holds him back. He wants to move on, but doesn’t know how. His description of the situation described incident after incident of counterproductive behavior from the friend (and him accepting it), only briefly mentioning[…] Keep reading →

People sabotage their relationships and lives without realizing it. You might too. Today’s post will tell you an effective way to make your relationships miserable and shallow, in contrast to yesterday’s post on how to get others to improve your life. People do the opposite of that post’s ideas and, lo and behold, achieve opposite results. They have apparently valid, but ultimately shortsighted and counterproductive, reasons for their behavior. Their[…] Keep reading →

It’s great to improve your life. It’s that much better to get others to improve it for you. How do you do it? Here’s one way. Share things you love. It’s enough to tell people about those things. Here’s an example. At my mom’s house over the weekend, I asked my mom about the Vitamixer she has. She bought this super-powered blender from a late-night infomercial maybe twenty years ago.[…] Keep reading →

A couple people emailed me today’s long New York Times article Do You Suffer From Decision Fatigue?. One pointed out that it echoed my post that English and romantic languages reflect the difficulty in deciding in the root -cide. On choosing The article reports research in choosing. This blog emphasizes not mere research but applying it to improve your life. I love reading research, but enjoying learning pales in comparison[…] Keep reading →

Another reason for yesterday’s post on avoiding acting judgmentally came from a project some people told me about called E-prime. From Wikipedia E-Prime is a version of the English language that excludes all forms of the verb to be. Hence, E-Prime allows neither conjugations of to be (am, are, is, was, were, be, been, being), nor archaic forms (e.g. art, wast, wert), nor contractions (‘s, ‘m, ‘re). Some scholars advocate[…] Keep reading →

Nobody likes feeling judged. We don’t like other people feeling so high and mighty as to judge us. I bet you’re more judgmental than you realize. Here’s how to raise your awareness of it, reduce it, annoy people less, and share more about yourself. I bet you don’t realize how judgmental you seem to others, even if you don’t intend it. Nor, I bet, do people making you feel judged[…] Keep reading →

One of my most important lessons from business school came before the first class began. It’s been useful for me since. Columbia emphasizes ethics. Orientation included a class on ethics. The case was an employee who witnesses someone breaking a rule. Reporting it would potentially harm him and certainly someone else for something that may have been minor. Not reporting it would benefit himself, but at the cost of becoming[…] Keep reading →

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] The previous exercises work fine on their own. You can further use them as building blocks to create whole conversations that are intriguing, interactive, mutually satisfying. Here are[…] Keep reading →

A client wrote me about frustration with a personal development project he was working on with a mentor in his field. I felt my response applied generally to personal change so I think it may help others. I’m reading two parts to your message — one is asking for specific advice on your project; the other is about anxiety with the pace of change. I’ll address the second part first.[…] Keep reading →