Why don’t they teach emotional intelligence and self awareness in school? (part 1, K-12)

I write a lot about leadership skills and how to improve your life through understanding how emotions work in general, how yours work in particular, and becoming aware of your emotions as well as everyone else's. As a result of focusing on leadership, my community has become full of people with similar interests (you, perhaps?). They all tell me learning and practicing it improves their lives. We prefer having each other in our lives to people who complain all the time or complacently never improve things they could. People complain they don't like their jobs, relationships, identities, hobbies, and so on, but don't know they can change them so they dwell in misery. I haven't found this stuff too hard to learn, though you have…

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How to get the body you want

This isn't a diet or fitness blog, but your body is a major part of you. I don't see how you can live the life you want without achieving the body you want. Conversely, if you don't have the body you want, I suggest you aren't living according to your values: your body tells you what to change to create the lifestyle you want. This post is about emotions like joy and emotional reward -- getting the body you want is an inevitable side-effect. Having the body you want is one of the great life-level rewards you can experience. I'll come back to that point in a second. This is also a post on strategy, not tactics. I don't tell you what specific activity and…

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Two representations of problems with America

EDIT: the site I linked to changed their post so I removed the link on "America's Fat Future." Sorry for any inconvenience. Americans eat too much and keep getting fatter. Here's a graphic a reader sent on "America's Fat Future." Our government can't stop itself from spying on us. Here's a graphic on the unchecked growth of one part of the government spying on us. I post these images not to put anyone down but to motivate changing the trends.

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Physical and emotional tension are similar and you can use either to help the other

We use the same word to describe emotional and physical tension for a reason. They go together. I tend to think of them almost as the same thing. I haven't done any scientific studies, but I've found any time someone has emotional tension, it will manifest itself physically. Any time you have physical tension, it will constrain you physically. When I see someone who walks and moves stiffly, I find them less free emotionally too, and vice versa. If something stresses you out, you hunch your shoulders, tighten your back, or however you manifest things. To me this seems obvious, but recently I found a few people who never noticed it. Then I realized I once noticed it for the first time too. Or maybe…

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How gyms having big mirrors helps so much

Gyms having big mirrors helps a lot and you should use them if you want to get in better shape. I used to think they had them to help you with your form while exercising. They do help for that, but I realized a better reason. Some background: I've been in shape most of my life, mostly since I started running cross country in high school. My family got me to play soccer and little league baseball before that, but I didn't play much. When I played ultimate I got in very good shape -- playing, practicing, or working out about five days a week in season. My marathon training got me in decent shape too. In all that time I never achieved two important…

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Spring sunshine and breezes

Burpees and rowing indoors are great, but nothing beats getting up early and running in the morning sun with 60 degree light breezes. Freedom -- what life is about. Especially for the first time in the spring. (I still did my daily burpees anyway, of course.)

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My habits

People generally think of habits as bad things they want to break. On the contrary, creating habits that you want is what creating a life you want means. It's a big part anyway. Creating habits you want frees you from trying to do things all the time. It frees you from using your limited willpower. I wrote yesterday about making behaviors you like habitual using your relationships. Today I'll write some examples of some behaviors I've made habitual in my life that way. Like everyone, I have a million more, but these are a fun start. Some seem trivial. Some may seem restrictive. To me, they represent freedom. Since they are generally healthy and crowd out unhealthy alternatives, I don't have to think about them.…

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Habits can be contagious. How to make that work for you.

Many studies show that quitting smoking and losing weight spread through networks like diseases do (see links below). Many other behavioral changes work similarly. I like academic studies, but we don't just want information. We want to use it to improve our lives. Here's how. Make behavior you want into habits Trying to change behavior through willpower alone doesn't work in the long term, as my series on willpower described. Willpower gives out. Making new behavior stick in the long term requires making it automatic. Today's tip is to use your relationships or make new ones to reinforce the behaviors you want. Make your habits contagious Think of the behaviors you have now that you like. Maybe some habits you like started out of the…

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Telling my awesome story on stage about inspiring my mom’s first marathon

Monday night I told my second story at the Moth, to about two hundred people. A bit scary, though not as scary as last time, but awesome! Improving public speaking improves your abilities in almost any field. Few structures match the story structure in engaging people to listen. That's why I stuck my neck out to practice storytelling in public -- to exercise useful skills. And to have fun, of course. Here's my second on-stage story, based on inspiring my mom to run her first marathon. I'm happy with how the story came out, despite my nerves and inexperience. I see ways to improve, though welcome feedback. I owe thanks to my friend Mick who recorded it, though he missed the opening line, which says…

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A bad day skiing beats a good day of almost anything else

Kids learn to ski easily, before they learn to fear falling. After I learned to ski in my mid-twenties I asked my mom why they never took us skiing. She answered "We couldn't afford that" quick enough I could almost hear an unspoken "duh!" following it up. I love skiing so much I suggested my sister take her kids while they were young. President's Day weekend she told me she had decided to take them but her husband had been called to perform an emergency surgery. Could I join them, having booked rooms already? Three kids for a mom who didn't know how to ski would be a handful. So despite 40+ degree weather, I figured out how to cancel or postpone my other plans…

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Some reasonable talk on the China Study

I wanted to love the China Study, a bestselling book by a scientist and doctor on nutrition. It's gotten a lot of media attention (from the NY Times, Huffington Post, Bill Clinton, and Oprah, for example). It's based in science, promotes healthy eating, and does two main things -- one well, one not so well. Overall, I like the book and recommend it. At the end of this post I wrap it up. The not-so-well part The not-so-well part started off looking great. The authors researched nutrition, found evidence for the healthiness of eating plants, unhealthiness of eating meat, and major problems with food in the U.S. I expected to learn important new things. I thought it might make my resource list. I was hoping…

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More on burpees

[This post is part of a series on my daily exercise and starting and keeping challenging habits. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] A few words on burpees and working out to follow up the past two days' posts (yesterday, the day before) Having read that some people consider burpees one of the best single exercises, I was happy to try them out. I haven't tried to optimize my workouts, to build as much muscle as possible, to reduce fat as much as possible, or any big or specific goal like that. I only exercise because I enjoy exercising, the feeling of exhaustion afterward,…

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Grand Illusions and North Korea, part 2

Following up yesterday's thoughts on illusions our leaders benefit from, another occurred to me in learning about ping-pong diplomacy, the 1970s sports phenomenon that contributed to opening relations between the U.S. and China. In particular, the United States and Chinese governments followed, not led, the opening process. The government of each country called the other its enemy and armed itself against the other. Yet I expect most people of each nation cared at most little about the others, but certainly didn't care to fight random people they'd otherwise never meet on the other side of the planet. I doubt anyone wanted to pay taxes to develop weapons just to threaten them either. Today we commonly say Nixon opened China. While his visit improved relations, I…

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Who knew a one-minute-a-day workout could do so much?

[This post is part of a series on my daily exercise and starting and keeping challenging habits. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] So what are these burpees I raved about yesterday? First, from the New York Times article that got me started with them: Ask a dozen physiologists which exercise is best, and you’ll get a dozen wildly divergent replies. “Trying to choose” a single best exercise is “like trying to condense the entire field” of exercise science, said Martin Gibala, the chairman of the department of kinesiology at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario. But when pressed, he suggested one of the foundations…

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How to begin a workout routine to last: start with joy

[This post is part of a series on my daily exercise and starting and keeping challenging habits. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] This post covers how I'm putting myself in better shape with minimal effort, but don't be distracted. That's a secondary point, a side effect. This post is about joy, fun, and friendship. And how I create them with the Method. The seed Over dinner with a friend I mentioned how I read a New York Times article about fitness experts speculating on a "single best exercise." Readers here know I like rowing, but they didn't mention it. They first mentioned burpees.…

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Wrapping up reasonable talk on eating

To wrap up this extended series on food, I'll summarize most of it in the form of advice: Eat what you feel is right for you. The more you learn and think about food the more you'll enjoy it. Anyone who tells you what you should or shouldn't eat is moralizing and meddling. Eating has no right or wrong. In the time I've written this series I've eaten more vegetables than ever. Now that I started using the Vitamixer my mom left me, when a friend who is a personal trainer came over and I told him I bought kale for the first time, we decided to buy and blend $50 worth of fruits and vegetables. We bought red kale, green kale, broccoli, apples, cilantro,…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue7: anatomy

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with anatomy, the next on my list of a few days ago. This reason makes little sense to me, but I hear it regularly. People who eat meat point out things like that most predators have eyes that face forward and so do we, so we should eat meat. Or that we have a long digestive tract or can't produce vitamin B12 so we should eat meat. People who don't eat meat point out some comparable physical characteristic that they use to say others should or shouldn't eat meat. I like…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue6: religion

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with religion, the next on my list of a few days ago. I expect this would-be reason to be a non-issue for obvious reasons. Well, first, I don't belong to any religion that has any rules requiring or forbidding eating meat, so religion doesn't apply to me as a reason to eat meat or not. I think most people get that their belonging to a religion doesn't impose rules on other people. They mostly understand some semblance of tolerance for others following their religions, even if they feel compelled to impose…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue5: feeling closer to nature

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with feeling closer to nature, the next on my list of a few days ago. I can keep this post as brief as yesterday. Both meat eaters and non-meat eaters claim their eating habits bring them closer to nature. Hunters claim hunting feels primal and puts them in tune with nature and the animals they hunt. Fishers claim similar feelings. Likewise, people who don't eat meat claim avoiding meat makes them feel bonded with all of nature and to feel more compassion for living creatures. If you've read my series on…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue4: animal cruelty

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with animal cruelty, the next on my list of a few days ago. I'll keep this brief. Once an animal is born, it has to die. Killing it for meat doesn't mean it feels more pain. In fact, killing it intentionally can create the opportunity for it to feel less pain than it would have felt if it died not by human hands. If not for humans, some predator or parasite would likely kill it, and likely more painfully. I don't eat meat, but I don't accept that a human killing…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue3: animal rights

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with animal rights, the next on my list of a few days ago. I confess I don't know much about animal rights, so I won't say much today. I distinguish between reasons not to eat meat based in animal rights from reasons based in animal cruelty. The former seems to propose a set of rules for people to follow. The latter seems based on an individual's personal feelings. As I understand animal rights, people don't suggest giving animals legal rights, like to sue or vote. I understand the concept of animals…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue2: environment

Following up my series on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth in the realm of food, let’s continue with environmental reasons since I listed it next on my list a few days ago. People who don't eat meat often point out that eating meat pollutes the environment significantly more than not eating meat. As far as I know the data overwhelmingly supports this conclusion. I've heard people who eat meat argue that eating meat pollutes less, but I've never heard one of their arguments hold water in the least. They generally forget or neglect something obvious like that animals eat food too. I'm open to hearing something I missed,…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issue1: health

Following up yesterday's post on liberating ourselves from moralists, meddlers, and others who want to impose their subjective values on us in the name of objective truth, let's start with health since I listed it as the first non-issue two days ago. First, nobody chooses what they eat solely for health, so claiming to eat meat or not as a wholesale policy based on health is a red herring. Next, let's look at what I claim is a typical example of someone claiming health as a foundation for eating meat or not. This example goes one way, but it ones in the other direction go the same. In graduate school I knew a guy who claimed eating meat was necessary for life. We had a…

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Why I don’t eat meat: non-issues

People spout tremendous nonsense on why people should or shouldn't eat meat. My next several posts will point out flaws in their reasoning. I think in the echo chambers of their minds, people come to believe their reasons for eating or not eating meat are grounded in absolute truth. Or they only talk with people who agree with them, while arguing positionally with people who don't, a recipe for confirming and firming one's beliefs more firmly, no matter how wrong they are. I speak, of course, from now-humble experience, having spewed nonsense myself, trying to convince others of the unhealthiness of eating meat. No more. I don't claim to know what's right, but I can tell you some things that are wrong. My goal is…

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Why I don’t eat meat, part 2

Yesterday I mentioned I didn't eat meat for two categories of reasons: taste and intellectual reasons. Today I’ll cover my intellectual reasons. Intellectual You know what? None. Now that I think of it, no intellectual reasons motivate my eating habits. Everything I think of that seems not based in taste, when I peel away at it, turns out based in taste. I expect your reasons ultimately are based in taste too. You can tell your reasons aren't objective because other people disagree with you. I mean, maybe you're right and they're wrong, but they say the same about you, so I'll stick with my conclusion. See my next few posts on non-issues to see why I don't find your reason objectively true. Non-issues Here are…

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