Humor


A silly post I couldn’t help posting

Though I post daily, I think of more post ideas all the time, more than I can post. I write some ideas on paper, some in files, some in browser tabs, some on the big blackboard in my apartment. Usually I get around to posting each idea. Sometimes after a while I decide the idea isn't worth posting. One post idea has sat on my board maybe for a year, far longer than others. I can't bring myself to erase it but it doesn't seem worth posting either. It's not even that original. I guess I'm sharing this build up to the idea to share some of the creative process, if these notes of context qualify. I like mixed metaphors. I like when people look…

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Simple math humor

Saturday I posted about a joke I did in a college math class. That math class did witness a great joke, but not by me, and it may only make sense to people who have done advanced math. The professor was going to prove that a certain group, which is a precise mathematical concept, had a certain property. The group is the set of symmetries of an icosahedron. The property was that its only subgroups were itself and the identity. A group with that property is called "simple." That group has a name, "I," from the first letter of icosahedron. The professor explained what he was going to do, walked to the board, and, as he said "I'm going to prove that I is simple,"…

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A fun quote/pun I stumbled into making

I try to post things of substance or that will make you think and act. Today might be more silly. More self-indulgent. I'm posting a pun I stumbled on---that is, someone was saying something and the pun came to mind. I liked it enough to burn a post on it. Background: Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, one of the best known commercials began, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV." It was jaded, and I suppose many would claim it brilliant. For most viewers, it probably reached the value of a doctor endorsing the product, despite the person not being a doctor. On the contrary, they got someone more photogenic than most doctors. Someone (sorry, I forgot who) talking to…

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I wrote a poem: The Poem of the High-Fiber Diet (trigger warning: juvenile humor)

Am I going to get in trouble for a puerile post? Will it distract from my sustainability leadership focus? I hope not. I had a blast making the poem. Regular readers know my sidchas and standard operating procedures mean that I meditate as one of my first morning activities. Before meditating I go to the bathroom. Between my routine being so consistent and my diet containing so much fiber, I poop every morning around the same time. This morning I woke up about fifteen minutes before the alarm. As I sat on the toilet, my digestive tract wasn't ready to send the poop out, being fifteen minutes ahead of time. The situation brought to my mind the classic poem that people used to write on…

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Racist jokes, polluting, depleting, and integrity

What is integrity? Does it matter to you? Wikipedia describes it as Integrity is the quality of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or earnestness of one's actions. Integrity can stand in opposition to hypocrisy. It regards internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that people who hold apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter those values. That description works for me. I find integrity valuable. Growing up, I heard people tell more racist jokes than I hear today. Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I heard someone tell a racist joke (except about white people).…

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How to pull out all your hair: Try to get an addict in denial to seriously acknowledge their addiction

Do you have too much hair on your head and want to pull it all out? Here's how to do it: try to get an addict in denial to seriously acknowledge their addiction. I'm overstating it, of course, but talking to people who fly, buy SUVs, consume more doof than they like, buy fast fashion, and are stuck in other addictions will say anything, contort any meaning, deny, obfuscate, and confuse, but you will go crazy trying to lead them to acknowledge their addiction. You'll pull out your hair in frustration. They'll say the plane was going to fly anyway, other people pollute more, and so on, but not take responsibility. I'm talking about most Americans and their addictions to polluting, depleting behavior. I speak…

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I get the joke, but to accept the humor means giving up. I’m not giving up because I know solutions that work.

This cartoon from this week's New Yorker looks like it's riffing on our time's situation. I get the humor it's presenting, but for it to be funny and for me to laugh, we have to accept that things just are the way they are. To me, to laugh at it would be like to laugh if during Apartheid they said: "Heads Mandela goes to prison, tails the government cracks down harder on protests" or if before the Montgomery bus boycott they said "Heads Rosa Parks gets sent to the back of the bus, tails poll taxes deprive citizens of the right to vote" Instead of accepting things, watching them deteriorate, I've developed strategies to restore health, security, safety, freedom, and liberty and they work. They…

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Petty Authority

Regular readers know I volunteer to deliver overstocked perfectly good food from stores that would throw it away to a community fridge and pantry for anyone to take for free (there's a fair amount of doof in it). I do it mainly to reduce waste to landfills, with feeding people as a bonus. It replaces watching TV, browsing the web, or feeding a social media addiction. I don't understand how people devote so much time to such things. I wish I had the spare time they do. The group coordinates through a chat, which has moderators. Two people moderated for a year or so. Someone new started the role. When a volunteer delivers, we post a picture to the chat. Recently someone posted this picture,…

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My silly names for fruits and vegetable when I chop them

I'm taking a break from sustainability leadership and my other usual topics to share something I've started sharing more lately. For some reason, while chopping fruits and vegetables, I've starting coming up with my own fun names for them. I've generally held back from sharing silly things that might make me feel embarrassed or ashamed. Some things, though seem to prompt people sharing back silly things of theirs or finding things endearing. Maybe you'll read the following and think less of me, but I'm enjoying finding the opposite. The names: Apples: apple-dee-grapple-dee Zucchini: zuch-a-nini Onions: onion-a-bunyon Mango: mango-tango Eggplant: dreggplant Orange: borange Banana: bananya Oats: oats-and-groats Ginger: gen-gen-gennembre (said with a French accent) Carrots: scarrots Cabbage: scabbage Blueberries: bluebellies Most produce names I don't change.…

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I’ve waited nearly half a century to deliver this pun.

I'm interrupting my usual talk of sustainability leadership, sidchas, doof, and my other usual subjects for a story that happened this afternoon. The scene: With family. People's stuff and toiletries are scattered about the room. My sister moved some things on a table and knocked a tube of toothpaste on the floor. She heard the noise but couldn't see what fell. I said, "the toothpaste fell." She didn't hear and asked, "what?" The moment of a lifetime arrived. The skies opened up. I'm that big into puns, I saw an opportunity since the first I'd heard this pun in my childhood. I answered "'The toothpaste fell' I said, crestfallen." It's not a PhD in physics or changing global culture to embrace sustainability, but yes, I…

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Notes on aging, part 2

Context: Decades ago I used to go out clubbing and dancing. Back then I'd go out a couple weekends a month. Now I went once since the pandemic, and the last time before would have been years ago. A friend said he got tickets for a big DJ playing in Brooklyn and invited me to join. I didn't know the DJ since I don't know anything about the scene today. I asked him if he knew how old the crowd would be. Would they be young? He responded, "they'll be younger than us." I said, "But will they be young? . . . They could still be 45." I don't know how funny that observation comes off in writing, but it killed us: We laughed…

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How did King Solomon get called wise for proposing cutting a baby in half?

You know the story about the two women each claiming a baby was hers, where King Solomon says to cut the baby in half and the woman who says to let the other woman keep it must be the mother? Have you ever thought about this story? How has it become a model of wisdom? It fails at every level. First, are we supposed to believe a woman simply claims ownership another woman's baby? As if no one else would notice? As if she herself wouldn't notice she had stolen another woman's baby? As if no one had seen either mother with the baby who could be a witness? Then she didn't run away after kidnapping the baby, but stuck around so the mother can…

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How to transform my famous no-packaging vegan stew into restaurant food

Do you love restaurant food? I figured out how to make restaurant-quality food based on mine. It's easy and works every time. Start by making my famous no-packaging vegan stew, which I describe in How to make my famous no-packaging vegetable stew and showed on video in Vegan Seitan Stew, 4 minutes prep time (video). Then follow these four easy steps. How to make my stew restaurant quality in four easy steps Step1: Add a stick of butter. Step 2: Make four times as much rice as stew. Step 3: Add salt. Step 4: Add a $7 bottle of wine and charge $50 for it. There, that's it. Add the butter and salt to the stew. Put a small amount of stew over a bed…

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More recursion after last week’s recursive map post

Last week I posted The most amazing "You Are Here" map you've ever seen, which featured a map that referred to itself. In the closing paragraph I referred to a book---Godel, Escher, Bach---on recursion. I'd read and reread the book in the 1980s and it stuck with me. Not sure if anything would come of it, I wrote the author, Douglas Hofstadter, with a link. Beyond writing back that he appreciated the reference to self-reference, he noted the pattern in sending him a reference to him. Beyond that note, he included a diagram of the email noting the location of a red star in the email where the red star was. I hope he doesn't mind my quoting his email to me, in which I…

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Comedian Bill Burr on Overpopulation

On the one hand I prefer posting my own work here. On the other, I find Bill Burr funny and insightful and he took on population, which few do. Readers from before the pandemic know I performed open mic standup. I couldn't think of how to joke about it. Some of Burr's humor is dark, yet I couldn't help laughing out loud. So I'm posting the bits of his I could find on overpopulation. Enjoy! I hope you laugh as much as I did. https://youtu.be/a9WowBxdhTQ https://youtu.be/EytFPaPM8fw https://youtu.be/dzVTLgl4Wzs https://youtu.be/dQfyT4H_NPw https://youtu.be/X70xe90dcKk

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A lovable bigot is still a bigot and a lovable polluter still pollutes.

Kids today might not have watched All in the Family, but it was huge in its time and focused on a clash of cultures. Quoting Wikipedia, All in the Family is an American television series that ran for nine seasons, from 1971 to 1979.The show revolves around the life of a working-class father and his family. It broke ground on issues previously considered unsuitable for a U.S. network television comedy, such as racism, antisemitism, infidelity, homosexuality, women's liberation, rape, religion, miscarriages, abortion, breast cancer, the Vietnam War, menopause, and impotence. Through these controversial issues, the series became one of television's most influential comedies, bringing dramatic moments and realistic, topical conflicts.All in the Family is often regarded in the US as one of the greatest television…

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What Genesis Meant

I'm continually trying to understand different people's views on population. I see people agreeing on its importance regarding sustainability and even existence, but disagreeing on how to view it or respond to it. The other day I posted Our environment is getting biblical about how we're causing fire and brimstone to rain down from the skies and other situations like in the Bible. I thought about another biblical passage. When Genesis says (similar quotes show up throughout the bible) I will surely bless you, and I will multiply your descendants like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore. I'm pretty sure it didn't mean to have that many offspring living at once. If you made one person for every grain of…

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Our environment is getting biblical

You've heard of fire and brimstone. The Bible refers to them plenty. Here's a typical passage, from Luke: But the same day that Lot went out of Sodom it rained fire and brimstone from heaven, and destroyed them all. Do you know what brimstone is? Sulfur. Do you know what makes acid rain? Sulfur! What did the ozone hole do if not let in fire? We're seeing fire and brimstone raining down from the sky. Should we count the pandemic? We're making all these things, though. They aren't just happening. We could choose to stop. We've indulged in many years of plenty. As we overfish and overuse nearly every other natural resource---why do we call parts of nature "resources"?---we can expect many lean years. The…

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How about helping polluters reduce pollution this way?
Starbucks garbage: it's what they make

How about helping polluters reduce pollution this way?

I pick up a lot of litter these days. The stuff I pick up, I usually carry to a trash can and put it in. Some of the main producers I see are McDonald's, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, pizza shops, other cafes, and other doof stores. Starbucks garbage: it's what they make When we know the source of the garbage, what do you think about putting the waste back into the place it came from? For example, if I see a Dunkin Donuts plastic cup on the ground by a Dunkin Donuts, what do you think about opening the door to the place and putting the cup on the floor inside the door, or maybe on a table? They profited from selling something they knew would…

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Three oddly accurate rules of communications in 2020

Digital communications where we're all connected all the time mean: There are a million ways to connect---and they all break.When meeting in person, everyone arrives a few minutes late because they can text a few minutes before to say so.Ironically, for meeting online or for phone calls, everyone arrives on time. Communications aren't like the old days

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A Christmas Thought on Population and Climate

Have you heard the retort that the solution to climate change is more babies? Search and you'll find many people, generally US conservatives, repeating it. Senator Mike Lee, Republican of Utah, said: Climate change is an engineering problem — not social engineering, but the real kind. It's a challenge of creativity, ingenuity, and technological invention. And problems of human imagination are not solved by more laws, but by more humans! He apparently learned this solution from a columnist Tyler Cohen, who wrote: To put those worries out of mind, ask yourself a simple question: Is the remedy for climate change, to the extent we find one, more likely to come from North America or New Zealand? Obviously, the wealthier and more populous America is a…

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The Original Bar Chart, or why I prefer chalkboards to whiteboards

I prefer blackboards to whiteboards, which are plastic and chintzy, their markers plastic and chemically. Blackboards, on the other hand, are made of rock. Chalk is made of chalk. They're from the Earth. But my big issue is that markers are nearly always out of ink, which I find out too late, by using them. With chalk, you can tell by looking, as this bar chart I made shows: Try that with markers! My PhD in physics may factor in. Physicists and mathematicians tend to agree. I loved this New York Times photo essay of mathematicians' chalkboards, Where Theory Meets Chalk, Dust Flies A photo survey of the blackboards of mathematicians. My home blackboard I don't have a good camera to take a picture of…

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My first public open mike stand-up comedy performance

I didn't always love performing. Before writing a sketch and performing in the sketch comedy class play in business school, called Follies, I avoided the stage. That performance experience became one of the most amazing, transformative experiences of my life. It opened me up to emotional awareness and expression beyond any expectations. I knew I would perform more, despite the anxiety the mere thought of it created. Taking Meisner technique classes took performance to another level of depth, expression, contact with my scene partner, and awareness. I view stand-up comedy as an art. It's one of the few performance arts where one person does everything---writing, editing, performing. Musicians, actors, dancers, singers, and so on usually perform what others wrote. So it's an incredibly scary art.…

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Immature, spoiled eating habits and the Yummy Phase
Yummy phase food

Immature, spoiled eating habits and the Yummy Phase

The more I cook for myself, the more I appreciate nuance, subtlety, complexity, variety, and so forth in food, as well as the expression of the person who prepared the food. Also, the more I see others as stuck in the yummy phase, which describes the United States population increasingly in number and increasingly in areas beyond food. What's the yummy phase? The urban dictionary defines it effectively: The period of life, commonly experienced during childhood, when a person's taste is limited to those foods/treats considered "yummy." Having not yet developed an appreciation for such acquired tastes as coffee, beer or wine, certain vegetables, cigars, etc, a person in the yummy phase tends to favor the flavor of such savory treats as sugary sweets that…

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Tim Ferriss is talking about me! … with Martin Gibala, about burpees, the New York Times, and public health

Tim Ferriss, bestselling author and marketer of The 4-Hour Workweek and follow-up "4-Hour" books, interviewed Martin Gibala, the scientist whose suggesting burpees as a candidate for the single best exercise in the New York Times in 2011 inspired my sidcha. Dr. Gibala's book with Christopher Shulgan, The One Minute Workout, launches on February 7 (a week before my book, Leadership Step by Step!), which they talked mostly about, how to stay fit with minimal time and the research he did to find and back up how little time you need for meaningful improvement when you intensify the exercise and include rest intervals. They also talked about me! Ferriss's podcast post here includes the full ~90 minute recording. Having edited so much audio for my leadership…

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