I can’t help but comment more on the Nice Guy behavior I mentioned a couple days ago in “The false dichotomy of the nice guy and the jerk and what to do instead.” A lot of the guys I coach have what others have called Nice Guy behavior and described problems with it. I don’t mean being nice as a guy. I mean how Wikipedia put it in its “Nice[…] Keep reading →

After yesterday’s pattern I see in men, here’s a comparable one I see in women. A woman gets approached by men. Some she likes, some she doesn’t. If the ones she doesn’t like get too numerous, she may try to limit the number of men approaching her by making herself appear less available or pushing them away. While she intended to change only the number of guys approaching her, she[…] Keep reading →

I’ll describe a view I’ve seen many times as a coach and in my regular life. I see it in many variations, but I’ll present just one — the one I can relate to most. Tomorrow I’ll write about a comparable trend I see with women. The view is a false dichotomy. It goes like this. A guy grows up learning to treat people nicely and to reciprocate when people[…] Keep reading →

I overheard some people talking about another group as “douchebags” with “popped collars” who called everyone “bro” or “brah.” Okay, I get that some people can find others annoying, but to call them douchebags is just mean. You’ve insulted others for other reasons. People call others losers, sluts, assholes, and so on. More importantly to you, if you’ve ever insulted someone or thought about it, which covers everyone on the[…] Keep reading →

Today’s post approaches the recent NSA surveillance revelations from a systems-theory perspective. The reasons basketball players are tall imply consequences to our government. A high-level systems perspective leaves out details, some of which may be more important than this post gives credit for. I’m not saying it’s the only perspective, but I consider it important and relevant. Please feel free to comment if you feel I missed something important. Why[…] Keep reading →

If you’ve read my social skills exercises series you know I avoid asking people what they do for a living. Instead I make meaningful connections about what people care about. An interesting side-effect of creating relationships based on what people care about instead of asking the same what-do-you-do-where-are-you-from-how-many-brothers-and-sisters-do-you-have-read-any-good-books-lately questions that get the same thoughtless answers is that sometimes I develop deep friendships with people never knowing what they do for[…] Keep reading →

Once you start putting your food scraps in a separate container from your trash, you can’t go back to filling landfills with what could create topsoil and healthier food. Once you start composting, the amount you throw away decreases yet more — after you presumably started recycling, after you presumably reduced your consumption. You become more aware of food packaging you can’t compost. I’ve noticed that the less healthy a[…] Keep reading →