Nonjudgment

One way to lower white supremacists’ appeal

Awareness / Nonjudgment / Perception / Tips

One way to lower white supremacists’ appeal

Why am I writing so much about white males? Partly because I am one but live in a society that denigrates and silences the group. When I read about people in other groups exploring their accidents of birth---their skin color, sex, sexual preference, geographic origin---society seems to celebrate them. My city hosts parades for many groups. Does anyone wonder how much it would accept a white male parade? I expect the media field day would destroy the careers of anyone seriously proposing it. Would you take it seriously? Would you expect it to fill with white supremacists and neo-Nazis? Would you say white men are already celebrated and don't need a parade? Anyway, my introspection and exploration is secondary. As much as I refuse to…

February 23, 2020

The project I assigned myself following up my posts on white men

Awareness / Models / Nonjudgment / Perception / Psychology Today

The project I assigned myself following up my posts on white men

Yesterday's post Update on automatic thoughts people connect with straight white men culminated with a couple questions I found intriguing: Imagine if your entire life, every time you said you suffered, people said, "actually that's an example of you causing others to suffer."How would that affect your life? and: Imagine every time you said you worked hard at something, people said, "actually that's an example of how easy your life is."How would that affect your life? My recent conversations revealed them. I've started thinking about them. No one I spoke to answered them. As best I can tell, answering them would take empathy, imagining yourself in other people's shoes, and putting yourself in the background. From my perspective, I would value hearing someone speculate on…

February 22, 2020

Update on automatic thoughts people connect with straight white men

Awareness / Models / Nonjudgment / Perception / Psychology Today

Update on automatic thoughts people connect with straight white men

Last month I asked "What automatic thoughts come to you when you think of straight white men?". I also explored the topic with Psychology Today's Editor-at-Large, Hara Estroff Marano, in an audio recording for a piece there, White Men and Preconceived Notions. A white man Some updates. . . First, context. However obvious, I'll still say that the following is a personal account with all the biases of someone just talking to the people he came across in a month, not trying for a representative sample or to account for biases. My goal was to explore life, not publish in a peer-reviewed journal. Everyone seems to go through stages talking about race. First they seem to shy away from it. Then something changes, I believe…

February 21, 2020

Psychology Today: White Men and Preconceived Notions

Audio / Awareness / Models / Nonjudgment / Perception / Psychology Today

Psychology Today: White Men and Preconceived Notions

Psychology Today's Editor at Large, Hara Estroff Marano, and I continue our conversations on challenging topics. Today we continue with white men and preconceived notions of us. We were talking about topics before hitting record, I started to describe the pattern that comes up a few minutes into this recording, she lit up in the way someone who has thought about something and has something to say about it does, so we picked stereotypes of white men. Here's the article. Here's the recording: https://youtu.be/HKjrnnOd-jc I think we both thought, "I hope we don't get fired," but also felt, "how can we learn if we don't speak?", so we bit the bullet and recorded. I haven't heard a conversation like it before. The number of threads…

February 17, 2020

Hear me on the Ask Women podcast

Audio / Education / Exercises / Leadership / Nonjudgment / Stories

Hear me on the Ask Women podcast

Would you expect me on a podcast called Ask Women Podcast: What Women Want? With an episode title "How To Be A Leader With Women | The BJ Technique"? Yes, 'BJ' meaning what you think. Here are the notes about the hosts, Marni Kinrys and Kristen Carney: What do a female comic and a professional wing girl have in common? The realistically raw and hilarious perspectives on what women ACTUALLY want in a man. Prepare to be offended and awed as Marni Kinrys & Kristen Carney take you through the uncensored and often ridiculous mind of a woman to help you better understand, appreciate, and avoid getting punched by the next girl you come across. Listen to the episode I met Marni first. Here's her…

February 14, 2020

What automatic thoughts come to you when you think of straight white men?

Awareness / Nonjudgment / Perception

What automatic thoughts come to you when you think of straight white men?

Comedians joke about stereotypes. People laugh when the jokes resonate with something in their heads. Everyone is unique, but as far as I can tell, many of thoughts of groups' stereotypes come to mind automatically. I'm not sure if we can choose any thoughts. Here is an example of Larry David joking about Jewish stereotypes: https://youtu.be/uGkLjfPWqeI Here is an example of David Chappelle joking about black and white stereotypes: https://youtu.be/wJ4B7G8Rw3Q I searched online and found a couple top lists of stereotypes, which I'll quote below. Many people have automatic thoughts when seeing other people, often based on their skin color, gender, and sexual orientation. You are probably familiar with the stereotypes Larry David and David Chappelle referenced, even if you don't think them. You're probably…

January 27, 2020

U.S. Obesity Rates Reach Historic Highs

Fitness / Nonjudgment

U.S. Obesity Rates Reach Historic Highs

An organization called Trust for America's Health released its latest obesity report. I don't think many would call it good news. This graph caught my eye. We're more obese than ever. The report said a lot more so I recommend reading more. It proposes remedies, but people have proposed remedies for decades and the trend continues. A quote from the report: "As recently as 2012, no state had an adult obesity rate over 35 percent and within the last five years (2013 and 2018) 33 states had statistically significant increases in their rates of adult obesity. "A second data source referenced in the report, the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) also shows unprecedented levels of obesity in the U.S. In 2015-2016, the most…

September 27, 2019

R.I.P. Eva Kor, who expanded compassion, empathy, and forgiveness

R.I.P. Eva Kor, who expanded compassion, empathy, and forgiveness

I just learned that Eva Kor died. Her story in the movie Forgiving Dr. Mengele expanded empathy and forgiveness for me. Decades after recovering from Nazi torture in Auschwitz under "Doctor" Mengele, she returned, as shown in the documentary. She learned that harboring anger didn't improve her life, so chose to forgive the Nazis, including Dr. Mengele. Many people speak of turning the other cheek, loving their enemies, or similar strategies but only in principle. People say, "anger is like drinking poison expecting the other person to die," yet remain angry, somehow not digesting the words they haughtily show their would-be virtue. Ms. Kor did so in practice. Beyond others' inability to do what she did, they attacked her. She enables me to see a…

July 14, 2019

Kicking the flying habit, which keeps you from family and income

Pile of Refined Sugar

Choosing/Decision-Making / Habits / Nature / Nonjudgment

Kicking the flying habit, which keeps you from family and income

In an online thread with people insisting that they have no choice but to fly for family and work reasons, I wrote the following, which I'm sure some will disagree with. I'm learning too, though I hope to help people looking to find joy in polluting less. One flight will brings people closer. Flying in general led them to move far apart so they felt they needed to fly to get back together. It also leads to people constantly leaving their physical community. Global warming is front page news almost daily in some seasons. We fight wars for oil. There's no mystery the causes. If we never change our behavior we will feed these systems. We have choices. I don't see it as a moral…

June 7, 2019

The environmental revolution begins here, with the Noetic podcast with Jared Angaza

Audio / Leadership / Nature / Nonjudgment

The environmental revolution begins here, with the Noetic podcast with Jared Angaza

I met Jared Angaza appearing on each other's podcast a couple years ago. We became great friends at first only online. I met him in person for the first time in San Diego in November after I attended the Summit in Los Angeles. We "broke bread" together by cooking a couple loads of my famous no-packaging vegetable stew for his family and a few of his family groups---about twenty people. Yesterday he posted our conversation on environmental leadership. We summarized my strategy and vision that my podcast and TEDx talk are the start of. Here's the conversation: two guys who have discovered the joy in acting on their environmental values and loving it. Here's the episode, or go to his page. We shared the future.…

April 16, 2019

Double standards

Awareness / Nonjudgment

Double standards

When more men are in congress, STEM fields, and corporate board rooms, it's "Women can do what men can. Something must be holding them back." When more men commit crimes, it's "Men are more violent, they're just that way." When more men occupy leadership roles in acting on the environment, it's "The environmental movement has a problem recruiting women." When more men are in jail, it's "There are still too many women in jail." When more men are entrepreneurs, it's "We need to create programs to give women skills and opportunities." When it's about taking risks being vulnerable initiating relationships, it's "Men are hunters. You [women] shouldn't take that away from from. Let them initiate." When it's about abortion, it's "Can you name a law…

February 9, 2019

“White male privilege” and the Civil War

Freedom / Models / Nonjudgment

“White male privilege” and the Civil War

Frances Hesselbein is a hero and mentor to me. Her TED talk's bio is too brief to covers all her achievements, but gets the top ones: One of the most highly respected experts in the field of contemporary leadership development, Frances Hesselbein is the President and CEO of The Frances Hesselbein Leadership Institute, founded as The Peter F. Drucker Foundation for Nonprofit Management and renamed in 2012 to honor Hesselbein's legacy and ongoing contributions. Mrs. Hesselbein was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the United States of America's highest civilian honor, in 1998 for her leadership as CEO of Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. from 1976--1990, as well as her service as "a pioneer for women, volunteerism, diversity and opportunity." Her contributions were also recognized…

October 29, 2018

Why are there more books to get fit than to get obese?

First image from "This Powerful Photo Series Proves That 'Fat' Is Beautiful"

Fitness / Nonjudgment / Perception

Why are there more books to get fit than to get obese?

Sometimes I stumble on sites saying things like This Powerful Photo Series Proves That "Fat" Is Beautiful This photo series shows that "fat" can be as beautiful as any other body type Beauty comes in all sizes and shapes There are a lot of sites like it, promoting, or proving as the first one listed said, that fat is beautiful. A lot of them. I don't want to sound snarky, but if people are trying to prove or show to me that something is beautiful, they're moving it from subjective---in the eye of the beholder---to objective. The golden rule implies that they are open to others proving to them that fit is beautiful or that fat is not beautiful. Is that what they want? The…

October 24, 2018

“Punch A Nazi”? You couldn’t help them more.

Creativity / Leadership / Nonjudgment

“Punch A Nazi”? You couldn’t help them more.

There's a phrase out there "Punch a Nazi." Here's a video of someone acting on it. What effect do you think it has on people who agree with the guy being punched? Or people attracted by his message? I submit that punching the guy overall advanced his cause. When I search "Punch a Nazi," the top results ask the ethics and morality of doing it. Talk about ethics, morality, and judgment are guaranteed to generate clicks. Don't you want to click these headlines? The 'punch a Nazi' meme: what are the ethics of punching Nazis? Yes, It is always OK to punch a Nazi Is It OK to Punch a Nazi in the Face? Leading Ethicists Weigh In: 'No' Great for the web site and…

October 13, 2018

How do you feel about yourself naked?

Choosing/Decision-Making / Fitness / Nature / Nonjudgment

How do you feel about yourself naked?

You're naked every day. You're naked under your clothes. How do you feel about yourself naked? Do you love your body? I mean love how it looks, works, and feels? I'm not talking vanity, envy, or pride. I'm not talking about conforming to others' values or imposing yours on others. Look at your body in a full-length mirror. Feel it. Hear it. Smell it. Alone with yourself. Just you. Nobody else. Your body is everything material about you in this world. Your clothes and possessions are all separate. They aren't you, no matter how much make-up, jewelry, and so on you accessorize yourself with. Your friends, family, and so on aren't you either. I hope you love them too, but they aren't your body. You…

September 29, 2018

Handling Trigger Warnings, Microaggressions, Safe Spaces, and Other Outrages

Awareness / Education / Freedom / Inc.com / Leadership / Nonjudgment

Handling Trigger Warnings, Microaggressions, Safe Spaces, and Other Outrages

Handling Trigger Warnings, Microaggressions, Safe Spaces, and Other Outrages Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff's new book, The Coddling of the American Mind, takes on offense and outrage with calm resolve and effective insight Jonathan Haidt's latest book, released today, The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure, coauthored by Greg Lukianoff, takes on one of the issues of our time—public discourse, especially in higher education—expanding on their widely discussed Atlantic article of the same name. Whether leading a small team, a company, a nation, a family, or oneself, research shows that input from diverse views improves decisions and outcomes—if you have the skills to solicit and use it. On a personal level, Haidt's advice…

September 5, 2018

More missing sexism when it hurts men

Audio / Nonjudgment

More missing sexism when it hurts men

I've written several times on how our society seems comfortable dismissing sexism when it hurts men. Saying that because some men have power, unearned or not, therefore all men do doesn't make it so. It means you're seeing people by an accident of their births than for themselves. It also gets votes for populists. It also dismisses and ignores their situation---their pain, their suffering, their struggle, their triumphs, and so on. Some situations show men's struggles and where they lack of power. The Washington Post posted a story last month Crossing the divide: Do men really have it easier? These transgender guys found the truth was more complex about four people who transitioned to being men. The differences between how people treated them when they…

August 30, 2018

American men and their breasts

Choosing/Decision-Making / Fitness / Nonjudgment / Visualization

American men and their breasts

The United States today probably has the largest population in history of men with breasts caused by voluntary choices. There are other causes than voluntary choices as this Newsweek article says, It can sometimes be hereditary but is more commonly spurred by conditions like obesity, chronic kidney disease or an overactive thyroid, as well as by certain medications like steroids that cause hormone levels to shift. but many men choose behavior that causes their bodies to grow breasts. I wrote the other day about people choosing behaviors that lead to consequences they don't like but continue doing them. I'm only talking about them today. For men who like being obese and having breasts, more power to them. It's not my taste, but I support a…

August 24, 2018

How to beat Trump

Leadership / Nonjudgment / Tips

How to beat Trump

Seeing as he faces no competition yet, it's not too early to figure out how to win in the next election. I already wrote in How to get votes for Donald Trump my simple rule that if you follow it, you'll create votes for Trump: Every time you call someone sexist, racist, xenophobic, privileged, islamophobic, mansplaining, manspreading, narcissistic, or the like, you create a new vote for Trump. including the note for those who think, "But that person is sexist!" or racist or whatever, that I'm not commenting on your rightness or wrongnesss. I'm commenting on why people vote. Our constitution doesn't say people have to vote based on your reasons but for what reasons they want. I included the extreme version of the rule:…

August 20, 2018

Obesity, internal conflict, and choice

The overlap of people who choose to behave in conflict with their values and don't like the results

Fitness / Nonjudgment / Visualization

Obesity, internal conflict, and choice

Measuring grocery store floor space implies the diet of people living near it, as I wrote in Fat, Manhattan real estate, profit, and where obesity comes from. Since every American food store I've seen sells more salt, sugar, and fat-based foods than whole plants, the floor space implies people eat a lot of salt, sugar, and fat. Specifically, they choose to spend their hard-earned money on salty, sugary, and fatty foods, enough to support expensive Manhattan real estate rents while fresh vegetables are a few steps away in the same store. The stores near me have beautiful looking produce. In most stores shoppers had to walk past the fresh fruits and vegetables to buy the salty, sugary, and fatty foods they pay more for. Likewise,…

August 18, 2018

The privilege of scientific ignorance

Awareness / Education / Nature / Nonjudgment

The privilege of scientific ignorance

NYU, where I teach, is a stronghold of social justice activity, as is Columbia, where I went to school. Since before college I've worked on causes to promote equality along genders, skin colors, geography, sexual preferences, and more. I protested Apartheid, my government's actions in Central America, and more. I work on the environment. The list goes on. The term privilege gets thrown around. Being white, male, and fit, the function I see the term used most is to silence people with these properties. Whether someone is privileged or not, calling someone privileged seems to imply that the person leveling the charge and people who agree with that person believe that the charged person's viewpoint is so unconsidered as to be worthless. Since not all…

August 11, 2018

Why you should meditate

Awareness / Freedom / Nonjudgment

Why you should meditate

Of the many reasons to meditate, here is what I consider the most valuable. Say you're a runner. Imagine if every time you ran, at random times, without your awareness, your feet just started running in a different direction than you wanted. And on top of that, your feet started kicking each other equally spontaneously, randomly, and unintentionally. Your mind does just that---no matter how much you want to focus on anything, at random times, spontaneously, and unintentionally, it will wander off in directions you can't predict or stop. Don't believe me? Try to focus on one topic for five minutes. Most people can't even sit still for a minute, let alone five, let alone focus for that long. As for the kicking, your mind…

July 26, 2018

9 ways I’m un-American

Awareness / Nonjudgment

9 ways I’m un-American

I love living in the United States, New York City, and Greenwich Village. I love our Constitution and Declaration of Independence. I love that our culture produced people like Henry David Thoreau, Michael Jordan, Rachel Carson, Jane Jacobs, Muhammad Ali, and Richard Feynman, and attracted others, like Albert Einstein. Our country has evolved since its entrepreneurial, revolutionary, freedom-minded, can-do origins. We pollute the air, land, water, and our bodies more than nearly any place and time, nearly 80% overweight and obese, which describes our environment as well as our bodies. Our public discourse as well, insulting people we disagree with more than engaging and learning from. In that spirit of self-awareness and in honor or Independence Day in two days, here are 9 ways I…

July 2, 2018

Leonard Kim’s Grow Your Influence Tree on Voice of America: “How to Lead People Without Relying on Authority”

Leonard Kim Voice of America

Audio / Leadership / Nonjudgment

Leonard Kim’s Grow Your Influence Tree on Voice of America: “How to Lead People Without Relying on Authority”

I've wanted to meet top influencer Leonard Kim for years, having seen his online presence everywhere. I appeared on his Voice of America show today, speaking on leading people without relying on authority. He led the interview to get to the heart of my practice. I enjoyed the conversation and got to share what counts. Listen to the conversation. Listen to the conversation.

April 5, 2018

The Ethicist: Can I Use My Dad’s Connections to Get an Internship?

Ethicist / Nonjudgment

The Ethicist: Can I Use My Dad’s Connections to Get an Internship?

My series answering the New York Times' Ethicist column with an active, leadership approach instead of an analytical, philosophical perspective continues with "Can I Use My Dad's Connections to Get an Internship?" I'm a college student, and like many college students, I am looking to do an internship. My dad's previous job was at a company that offers internships in my area of interest. He suggested that I consider interning there and use his connection to my advantage. I think that internships should be earned based on merit, and that nepotism is unethical. I am not sure, however, if avoiding nepotism as an applicant would do anything to put a stop to the practice. I worry that only employers have the power to stop nepotism,…

February 25, 2018

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