How much better would your relationships be if you saw solutions where you used to see problems? While I don’t like problems, I’ve learned to look forward to problems as ways of improving relationships. Relationships can grow stronger as a result of social gaffes just like broken bones heal stronger than had they never broken and muscles grow from minor tears when you stress them. What meaningful relationships have you[…] Keep reading →

Context: city workers are tearing up the street outside my building. They start jackhammering at 7am and the noise hasn’t let up for the past two weeks. We don’t know why they’re doing it or how long they plan to work. My neighbors and I talk about it. One of my neighbors, an otherwise thoroughly enjoyable woman, keeps talking about how bad it is. At first I commiserated. I ran[…] Keep reading →

If someone wins the lottery or gets something you wish you had, would you feel jealous of them? No, you wouldn’t. If you wish you had something someone else did, you would envy them, which is different from jealousy. Today people use the terms interchangeably, but they describe distinct feelings. I only learned the difference a few years ago when someone pointed it out to me. Since then I’ve become[…] Keep reading →

Want to simplify your life? Try this: at the end of every day, clear your desk of all your work material. Think you can’t do it? Try it. You’ll be surprised at how much simpler it is than you think, and how much it affects your calmness when not at work. I’ve been doing it a few months. Before I did it I would have thought it would take too[…] Keep reading →

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, None but our self can free our mind. — Bob Marley, Redemption Song Context How do you move from living reactively, like in this graph, where you can’t help but react to any intense motivation: To living aware and non-reactively like this, where you are aware of many motivations but don’t feel compelled to react blindly to any? That change brings freedom. It comes from[…] Keep reading →

The context: an organization is considering hiring you, maybe as an employee, maybe as a consultant or freelancer, maybe just to collaborate. The challenge: if you read my blog, you don’t just want a job where you punch a clock. You want to contribute meaningfully, meaning your vision extends beyond the immediate task they’re thinking about. The conflict: if you don’t talk about your vision, you don’t know how well[…] Keep reading →

Nobody likes feeling judged when they didn’t ask for it. We like people to support us. We know others don’t like feeling judged either. Yet we all feel like we judge others. When someone walks into a room we judge what they wear, whom they’re with, how they act, and so on. When we walk into a room we decide who we consider worth talking to and who doesn’t. When[…] Keep reading →

Want to influence someone? Yes, you do. Your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, manager, people you manage, kids, … anyone you communicate with. I don’t care if you think they’re perfect. You want to influence them. Why else do you communicate with someone except to influence them? (A question worth thinking about!) If you want to know your potential to influence them, ask yourself how well you understand them. If you don’t[…] Keep reading →

I coach and work with a lot of people with MBAs. A lot of people without too. They keep doing what school taught them for social and business interactions. It kills me. School teaches you the bare fundamentals. It gives you training wheels to practice new behaviors, if it even does that, since it mostly just teaches abstract skills. Training wheels are great for getting you on a bicycle but[…] Keep reading →