Choosing/Decision-Making

Choosing/Decision-Making / Fitness / Habits / Tips

Following up a reader’s comment on food, eating, and exercise

The reader I responded to Saturday also wrote the following: in the meanwhile i am writing to a medical doctor who is also a fitness expert so that i can meet her and set up a program that looks at both nutrition and exercise She's doing what a lot of people do, especially well-educated businesspeople who have developed habits to analyze things before acting. I do so too on many things, but you can also tell when someone knows what they should do and are analyzing to delay action. While I believe she's looking for a program, I'm confident she could start before talking to the doctor. We all know substituting vegetables for sugar, alcohol, and other empty calories or some similar way to cut…

October 19, 2015

JalapeÃ±os, contact lenses, and dedication

Choosing/Decision-Making / Stories

JalapeÃ±os, contact lenses, and dedication

The sting of jalapeÃ±o on my skin after chopping it always reminds me of my dedication to playing ultimate frisbee. Lately the farm supplying my vegetables this summer has delivered a lot of jalapeÃ±os. I'm enjoying them. I like spicy food and I enjoy their flavor more than cayenne pepper. One afternoon in my junior year of college, it was time to get ready for frisbee practice. That year the team made it to the finals of nearly every tournament and won a few. We took it seriously. Everybody made every practice, at least among the first-string players. Packing my bag drilled a short mnemonic into my thoughts that I still think when packing to play: "lights, darks, cleats, contacts," meaning bring a light shirt…

September 26, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Entrepreneurship / Freedom / Perception

More education doesn’t make you less capable, but universities make you think so

Academia has some serious problems. I give a lot of talks to graduate students on what they can do after graduate school, though the following applies to undergraduates too. Many of them are worried about finding jobs. I grab their attention every time with this question: When I was getting my PhD in physics, I thought the only fields I could go into were academia to become a professor, industry to work probably on something military-industrial, or wall street. I didn't want to do any of those. I felt trapped. You've all heard about people who drop out of school, maybe to start a company, and succeed? With more education, shouldn't you be better prepared than they are? So why do you feel worse prepared…

September 5, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Freedom / Tips

How to worry less? WINDETIT!

This summer's #1 bestselling business book, Triggers, by Marshall Goldsmith, describes how not to worry about things not worth worrying about. I'm going to improve what he wrote. He created an acronym, AIWATT, which he rhymes with "say what," short for the first six words of this question: Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic? If you are not willing to do anything about something and you are aware that you aren't willing to act, then you will see no point in worrying about it. Instead you'll concern yourself with things you can act on. If you're willing to act but also realize your actions won't make a difference, or if they'll make…

September 2, 2015

A reader simplifies his life. You can too.

Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making / Freedom

A reader simplifies his life. You can too.

My colleague and friend, Tim Francis, whose online course I took and loved on moving a business online, told me about how simplifying his life is improving it. I sent him a link to my post, "Less, please," which got him looking at his bookshelf. In a few minutes he went from describing the books' value to questioning it to seeing value in the freedom of not books and putting them back in to circulation for others. Everyone goes through the usual questions and protestations of "But what if I need to look something up?" and "But how will my friends know the awesomeness of my reading history?" Ultimately, only by getting rid of a few books do we realize the freedom of not books.…

September 1, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Fitness / Freedom / Habits

I’m lucky: I put on fat immediately and lose it slowly

"He's so lucky! He never puts on weight!" "She's so lucky! She loses weight so fast!" I hear people say things like that all the time. If I eat one unhealthy meal, I can see it on my belly. But then even after running a marathon I don't see that fat go away. Fat goes on immediately and takes a long time and a lot of work to get off. I'm lucky! I'm lucky I put on fat fast if I overeat and lose it slowly because it means I have to make fitness a way of life, not something I sometimes do. Doing something sometimes instead of consistently adds choice, which means you can choose not to do it. Dieting correlates with lack of…

August 29, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Entrepreneurship / Perception

Where do you see yourself in five years?

The college course catalog fascinated me---hundreds of courses in dozens of subjects from amazing teachers. I wanted to take them all! Choosing four or five course from them was wonderful torture. Choosing which to take wasn't nearly as hard as choosing which not to. I used to think, "I'll take these two courses ... which will set me up for this major ... which will set me up for this job ... which will set me up for this career ..." and in a few hours I'd plan out my life's next few decades. The next semester I'd find other courses and plan a new and different several decades. By graduate school I learned to plan only a couple years ahead. Who knew what experiment…

August 17, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Models / Perception

Which should I change: belief, behavior, or both?

If you believe you'll never make CEO, start a company, lose weight, or any other goal, no matter how much you change your behavior to achieve it, your belief will undermine that behavior. If you're lucky, you may stumble into an experience that changes your beliefs, which may sustain your behavior, but I wouldn't count on it. In general, if you change behavior but not the belief that motivated the old behavior, the old behavior will likely return. That old behavior is consistent with that view of the world. Remember, you don't choose or act based on reality. You choose and act based on your beliefs about the world. Your brain only acts based on what's in your head, which your senses and beliefs filter…

August 15, 2015

See my talk at Stand Up For Passion

Choosing/Decision-Making / Events / Relationships / Stories

See my talk at Stand Up For Passion

In March I performed a story at Stand Up For Passion, a growing series of events where people tell stories about passionate events in their lives. They posted the video of my story and here it is. I hope you like it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vrg4QetU3QU The events are happening increasingly all over the world. The next one in New York City is October 6. I recommend attending one. Here are the speakers from my event: Here are some other stills:

June 23, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Leadership / Tips

If you can’t improve it, spending time on it wastes your time

There are a lot of things worth paying attention to and spending time on trying to affect. If you can't or won't do anything about something you don't like, it doesn't improve your life to worry about it or to take time away from something you like or can do something about. You can call it "choosing your battles" or "discretion is the better part of valor." If you're taking time from something you enjoy for something you don't that you can't or know you won't do anything about, you're choosing to make your life worse. It's not worth it. Ask yourself Will I do anything to improve this now?

June 22, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Habits / Relationships

Personal change and changing friends

People considering personal change often express concern about losing friends. If they change their behavior and habits they won't be able to hang out with the same people in the same way any more. I've gone through a lot of personal change. I've met many people who have. I've coached many people through it. Through it all, I've never met someone who regretted changing their social circle. Most wished they'd acted sooner.

June 20, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Models / Perception

Your degree isn’t a restriction

"I'm stuck because I can't find a job in pharmacology." "I don't like law but what else can I do?" "I wish I could get out of engineering." I can't tell you how many times I've heard people talk this way. People about to graduate looking for jobs and people in the workforce alike. Even people from elite universities. They believe you have to make a living in what they got their degree. I felt that way once. When I was finishing my PhD in physics I thought I had to go into academia, industry, or finance, which is where most people with physics PhDs went. If I hadn't felt that way, this myopia---thinking more training gives you fewer choices---would baffle me. People's mental constraints…

May 28, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Exercises / Fitness / Habits

Better than what used to be good

This morning I read New York magazine's weekly listing of bars and restaurants, describing fun places in the city to go to. They have a section listing some activities called "The Cut," which I think means these are the activities that "make the cut" of their curating. I used to read the listings to find things to do. The section is for that, and I presume many people use it that way. Now I can barely bother. New restaurants? They don't compare to home cooking. New bars? I hardly drink when I go out, or at all for that matter since getting so close to having six-pack abs. I used to think about many events, "Well if it's not good at least they'll have free…

May 6, 2015

Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making / Exercises / Fitness / Habits

You have the same potential for passion as anyone

Following up on "Passions, you create," which I recommend rereading, where I wrote about passion not being something you happen to find, like if you just turned over enough rocks you'd find it... Everyone has the same potential to develop passions, as far as I can tell. If all you do is turn over rocks but never dig in---that is, look at what others do and think about those things without trying yourself---you can convince yourself you don't have passions, that somehow you're different and unlucky compared to those. That's just your opinion. They worked hard and persevered through challenges that if you did you'd find as much passion within you as they did. You'll try things you end up not liking and give them…

April 21, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Habits

Not everyone who is busy is annoying

Minutes after posting yesterday "If you have "too much to do" or "not enough time," you're not getting more done. You're annoying.", I realized I overstated myself. I realized it because I met a friend working on a small number of projects and getting them done, but still busy. I realized I wrongly included him and people like him who know their priorities in the larger group of people who don't know their priorities or how to act on them. To people working on projects with a minimum amount of complexity, who chose them thoughtfully and deliberately, who are acting according to their values, and who are making progress on their work, sorry if I called you annoying.

April 15, 2015

Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Freedom / Habits

If you have “too much to do” or “not enough time,” you’re not getting more done. You’re annoying.

I first noticed it in the last semester of business school when most students were complaining about having to choose between job offers. All the offers more than met their standards. Dwelling in their decisions instead of choosing and living their lives made them miserable instead of enjoying themselves. What made them miserable wasn't that they had multiple offers---that is, the problem didn't come from outside. The problem was their inability to choose, which came from a lack of skill, discipline, self-awareness, or something like that. Schools offer tons of so-called opportunities to lead---student-run clubs, student governance, etc. Many people think "Community is better than not community, so I should sign up." Later they move to "Showing leadership is better than not showing leadership, so…

April 14, 2015

Art / Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making / Nonjudgment / Relationships

The beauty of Godfather 3

Most people who love The Godfather 1 and 2 dislike the third because of the director's daughter in a lead role, saying they don't like her acting. I find the closing scene completes the story beautifully. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KupAgY18QDc What do I find so beautiful about this scene? It wordlessly communicates most of the themes of the series---family, women, men, intimacy, solitude, winning, America, and Sicily---with subtlety and complexity. I can't put into words what it communicates, which I like in art, for it to say something it a particular medium that you can't say in any other but that feels true. Michael tried to do what he considered right, but always calculated, never allowing himself to let go, to become vulnerable, meaning never developing intimacy. He…

April 11, 2015

Art / Awareness / Choosing/Decision-Making

Emotional awareness ruins television dramas

Years ago I enjoyed television dramas but now I can't bear to watch them. Sopranos, Oz, Orange Is The New Black, House of Cards, Mad Men, etc. It hit me when some friends had me watch a few episodes of Breaking Bad. I enjoyed the acting. Each episode was compelling. Other dramas also have stunning sets and effects and beautiful people. I want to watch each next episode. But something bothered me. It took me a while, but I realized what made it dramatic was that people kept doing things just outside what I would expect people would do in life. The people are too beautiful and fashionable. These properties make the shows dramatic and thrilling but ultimately removed from life, meaning they didn't tell…

April 9, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Leadership / Perception

Look forward as you learn to lead yourself

Over and over as I work with clients and students, as they learn to understand and manage their emotions, when they look back at their lives they see choices and actions they now know they would do differently. They notice relationships they mishandled, choices they would make differently, behavior that led them astray, and so on. I do the same thing. I think of relationships I lost, school and job choices I missed, maturity I lacked, and so on. I know how to do things better now. Sometimes I lament with my clients and students, empathizing with them at what we lost and missed. But then I stop. You can't change the past. I point out how looking back after you improve some behavior or…

April 2, 2015

Art / Choosing/Decision-Making / Leadership / Perception

How would you behave during the Cuban Missile Crisis?

The movie Thirteen Days illustrated how John Kennedy and the executive branch handled the Cuban Missile Crisis. I recommend the movie (and Robert Kennedy's book of the same name). I edited some parts to highlight one aspect of the situation---the personal perspectives and behavior of people closest to the President. While you won't likely face decisions with stakes as high as nuclear war, you'll face similar structures of conflict. Many people have written about conflict management, decision-making, avoiding groupthink, and other angles. https://joshuaspodek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/thirteen_days_clips.ogv I recommend watching these clips actively by trying to put yourself in the places of each character, imagine the exact thoughts that might be going through their heads, the motivations they'd feel to react, how they'd have to manage themselves to behave…

March 31, 2015

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Must I Drive My Friend to Have an Abortion?

Choosing/Decision-Making / Ethicist / Nonjudgment

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Must I Drive My Friend to Have an Abortion?

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today's post,"Must I Drive My Friend to Have an Abortion?" My closest friend just got pregnant and is in no way ready to take on motherhood at 18. She has already committed to her dream school and received a scholarship. She wants to get an abortion out of state and is asking me to drive her. She would do the same for me if the roles were reversed, but my religion prohibits acts like these. I've been putting it off for weeks, making up excuses as to why I couldn't take her. Is…

March 29, 2015

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Can I Stay Out of an Estate Dispute?

Choosing/Decision-Making / Ethicist / Nonjudgment

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Can I Stay Out of an Estate Dispute?

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today's post,"Can I Stay Out of an Estate Dispute?" In order to decrease his net worth before beginning divorce proceedings, my brother invested $600,000 in an apartment in my father's name. Years later, he had our mother co-sign a business loan. When the business failed, my mother was sued for $3 million she didn't have. After she died of cancer, my father fought the suit for many years. At 93, he settled for a $1.1 million loss. Unable to live his accustomed lifestyle, he approached my brother with the expectation that my brother…

March 1, 2015

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: The Hazards of Other Planets

Choosing/Decision-Making / Ethicist / Nonjudgment

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: The Hazards of Other Planets

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is a take on today's post, "The Hazards of Other Planets." The company Mars One is trying to establish colonies on Mars by offering one-way trips there within the next 10 years. I've gotten into heated debates about the ethical implications of sending people on these trips. Even though the people selected signed up knowing they would never return to Earth, I believe the entire endeavor is unethical because they will not really have a full grasp of what they've signed up for until they get to Mars, at which point, return to Earth is impossible. Do…

February 8, 2015

See me at Stand Up For Passion, March 3 in New York!

Choosing/Decision-Making / Creativity / Events

See me at Stand Up For Passion, March 3 in New York!

The event Stand Up For Passion is a tremendously personal and inspiring event that is growing and growing. Created by entrepreneur/artist/director/comedian/performer Arnaud Collery, each event features seven speakers speaking for seven minutes each on a passionate story or experience in their life. The effect is to create community of people who get close to each other---performers and attendees. I am honored that he invited me to speak at the next event, the evening of Tuesday, March 3, in Manhattan. Unlike many other such events, Arnaud works with the speakers of each event closely, having us practice and directing the event. The effect is more genuine expression and higher quality than many events. It's expanding across the U.S. and to Europe and Asia. It's exciting to…

February 7, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Tips

Value people who refer and recommend you!

A friend started a job and found after a week that she couldn't stand it. She asked me for advice on leaving, wondering if after one week was too soon and how to tell the person she was working for. The first thing I asked her? "Did anyone refer or recommend you to this job?" She said yes, two people recommended her. I said "Since you asked me for advice I'll give it. Before you talk to the person at the job, talk to the people who recommended you. They put their names on the line for you. How do you think it affects their reputation if you leave right away? Even if you don't think of them, think about yourself: do you think you'll…

December 4, 2014

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