Perception

Perception / Relationships / Stories

My odd race story

I have friend who is very charismatic. He makes up catch phrases and says them in a way people enjoy and associate with him. One of them, which he used as a greeting, was "Word word word." As in, you'd be at a bar and he'd show up and greet everyone with a big "Word word word!" It didn't mean much more than he felt friendly. At least as far as I knew. I'd never heard anyone say anything like it. Sometimes I'd say it to friends in other circles, not thinking much of it. I should mention that this friend is white. I didn't think anything of his skin color when he said it, but it matters later. Around the time he said "word…

October 8, 2015

Awareness / Models / Perception / Relationships / Stories

Confusing perception and reality will make even experienced leaders cry

A coaching client was in tears during a call not long ago. She lives in another time zone so the call was in the evening, after work. I took the call in my home. She called from hers. I felt for her, but my job was to coach her through the situation---to enable her to make herself feel better, resolve the cause, and know how to resolve similar future situations. The issue was that she was trying to reach a high-status person who was also a gateway to a big project for her. Without him, she would have trouble proceeding. He had returned her emails a few times a few months ago but stopped. She hadn't heard from him in months and concluded he dropped…

October 7, 2015

Leadership / Nonjudgment / Perception / Relationships

Everyone is positive (from their perspective)

I heard yet another person saying "I don't have time for negative people. I'm a positive person. I can't let them bring me down." Oh, how perfect they sound! High and mighty! He blithely and ironically didn't notice the negative start to what he said, "I don't have time for..." Sometimes they'll outright say so-and-so is a negative person. People who talk about others being negative are judging others by their values---the opposite of compassion, empathy, and understanding. To make themselves look better at others' expense, no less. People may disagree with you and negate your beliefs, but that doesn't make them negative any more than it makes you negative for the same reason. Nobody is negative. What would that mean? They just negate people…

October 1, 2015

Recycling doesn’t pollute much less than throwing stuff away

Models / Nature / Perception / Visualization

Recycling doesn’t pollute much less than throwing stuff away

Throwing things away so they'll end up in landfills pollutes. No two ways about it. Not using something in the first place doesn't pollute. Recycling feels like it's roughly in the middle. If you only have two comparisons and no objective scale, how else can you compare something in the middle but roughly in the middle. Since I wanted to feel better about myself, I probably thought of recycling as closer to not using something in the first place. Reusing polluted even less. Here's how I thought of the pollution scale of throwing things out: This belief fit the phrase "Reduce, reuse, recycle." They all seemed better than throwing something away and mostly related to each other. You can pollute a lot less than recycling…

September 29, 2015

How to make less more

Awareness / Fitness / Models / Nature / Perception / Tips / Visualization

How to make less more

I eat a lot of mixed nuts and peanut butter. As far as I know, they're all healthy to someone without allergies. I eat a lot of them. I found a site that shows pictures of two hundred calories of various foods. I like and eat a lot of broccoli. Here's two hundred calories of broccoli: Looks like an amount that would go a long way to filling me up. Here's two hundred calories of mixed nuts: Not much! They would taste delicious and I love their crunchy, creamy texture, but if I wanted to fill myself with food, I'd choose the broccoli. Here's two hundred calories of peanut butter: Not much either. So how to make less more? I decided that as much as…

September 28, 2015

What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried?

Freedom / Habits / Leadership / Nonjudgment / Perception / Relationships

What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried?

After writing about bad boys, success, and discipline yesterday, you might ask, "What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried? He is full of discipline. Why didn't society accept of him something many successful athletes do?" I'm no expert on public relations, but I see two main issues. First, the lesser issue. He doesn't have a bad boy reputation. His is clean cut and respectful, or looks that way to me. Charles Barkley throwing a guy through a bar window fits within his image as a physical player. By the time he did it, he had already done many similar things. He plays basketball physically and hard. James Dean driving dangerously risks innocent people's lives, but he raced cars already. Second is the bigger issue.…

September 24, 2015

Bad boys, success, and discipline

Exercises / Freedom / Habits / Perception

Bad boys, success, and discipline

America loves and hates bad boys. The media vilify and attack small transgressions. Take Howard Dean. He wasn't even a bad boy and the media destroyed him after he expressed too much joy and he went from first place to no chance. Yet others who break more stringent rules become icons---in fact, some of our most highly regarded and lauded. Why the difference? Why did Howard Dean go down while others rose to fame for less forgivable behavior? Successful bad boys Let's look at some of America's highly regarded bad boy icons and see why some men who seem to break our society's most stringent rules, instead of suffering in the public eye, rise. I've written about Charles Barkley, who threw a man through a…

September 23, 2015

Op/Ed Fridays: Banning billboards and outdoor advertising

Awareness / Nature / NorthKorea / Perception

Op/Ed Fridays: Banning billboards and outdoor advertising

Articles like "Can cities kick ads? Inside the global movement to ban urban billboards" remind me of North Korea, where I saw pictures of Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-il in most rooms of every building I entered. I wondered, "how does it affect someone's life to see those pictures every day, everywhere?" Then I realized people there weren't comparing their environments to ones they didn't know about. The images probably faded into their background. The North Korean government knows that people not consciously noticing the pictures doesn't stop them from being effective. They influence people. I can only speculate the effects, but the images must give power to the state. As I kept thinking, I thought, "I wonder if anything in my environment affects me…

September 18, 2015

Exercises / Fitness / Habits / Perception

I don’t earn fitness, I enjoy it. It’s not about deprivation, it’s about doing what you want.

People see fitness as something you have to work hard for, doing painful things or spending long hours at the gym, avoiding eating things they like and having to eat things they don't. It's been the opposite for me. From my perspective, anyone with those beliefs doesn't know what they're talking about. They are confusing satisfying craving with enjoyment, sweating with misery, pleasure with good, and avoiding with depriving. People describe my diet as healthy. I've never avoided eating something I liked, nor eaten something I didn't like. When I first learn something is unhealthy, I still eat it, but I keep thinking about how someone is trying to profit from hurting me---like from hydrogenated oil, refined sugar, corn syrup, and things like that---and I…

September 7, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Entrepreneurship / Freedom / Perception

More education doesn’t make you less capable, but universities make you think so

Academia has some serious problems. I give a lot of talks to graduate students on what they can do after graduate school, though the following applies to undergraduates too. Many of them are worried about finding jobs. I grab their attention every time with this question: When I was getting my PhD in physics, I thought the only fields I could go into were academia to become a professor, industry to work probably on something military-industrial, or wall street. I didn't want to do any of those. I felt trapped. You've all heard about people who drop out of school, maybe to start a company, and succeed? With more education, shouldn't you be better prepared than they are? So why do you feel worse prepared…

September 5, 2015

Awareness / Models / Perception

Op/Ed Fridays: Drugs have won the drug war. New and different education can stop us losing.

Yesterday I saw yet another of countless articles showing how the U.S. government's strategy on drugs promotes drug use, crime, government spending that decreases quality of life, etc. You've read the article in many formats before. This one's headline was "Federal Drug Sentencing Laws Bring High Cost, Low Return: Penalty increases enacted in 1980s and 1990s have not reduced drug use or recidivism." Sound familiar? You probably responded, "Yeah, in other news water is wet," or something similar. "But what can we do about it?" Why does anyone think the government's drug strategy is about lowering drug use? It's about giving the executive branch votes, money, and power. It's extremely successful! People get confused thinking politicians mean what they say. Look at their behavior. Education…

August 28, 2015

Awareness / Perception

“I’m offended!” and “I’m outraged!” … What that means.

"I'm offended by what you say!" "I'm outraged" People say things like this all the time. People who say things like that write a lot of opinion pieces in the media. I think they're trying to communicate: "You did something wrong and I have the right to change you." That's not what they're saying, despite their intent. They're telling you their emotional state. That's all. To the extent people prefer happiness or other emotions to offense and outrage, they're revealing a lack of skill to regulate their emotions. That's a problem for them. No one else has to take responsibility for changing their emotions. In my opinion, no one should, as I wrote in "I take responsibility for my emotions and no other adults'" and…

August 27, 2015

“Get in touch with your masculine/feminine side” misunderstands and undervalues men and women

Awareness / Models / Nature / Nonjudgment / Perception / Visualization

“Get in touch with your masculine/feminine side” misunderstands and undervalues men and women

Two quotes misunderstand and undervalue people, I contend: "You should get in touch with your masculine side." "You should get in touch with your feminine side." People say the first to women mainly, sometimes men, to imply they should learn to act more like mainstream views of men, like learning to fix things around the house, not sweating small things, and enjoying things like pizza and beer. People say the second to men mainly, sometimes women, for them to act more like mainstream views of women, like making their home look pretty, showing affection, and taking care of children. The belief behind masculine and feminine sides When you suggest a woman act on her "masculine side" you're suggesting she's doing something unnatural for a woman.…

August 19, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Education / Entrepreneurship / Perception

Where do you see yourself in five years?

The college course catalog fascinated me---hundreds of courses in dozens of subjects from amazing teachers. I wanted to take them all! Choosing four or five course from them was wonderful torture. Choosing which to take wasn't nearly as hard as choosing which not to. I used to think, "I'll take these two courses ... which will set me up for this major ... which will set me up for this job ... which will set me up for this career ..." and in a few hours I'd plan out my life's next few decades. The next semester I'd find other courses and plan a new and different several decades. By graduate school I learned to plan only a couple years ahead. Who knew what experiment…

August 17, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Models / Perception

Which should I change: belief, behavior, or both?

If you believe you'll never make CEO, start a company, lose weight, or any other goal, no matter how much you change your behavior to achieve it, your belief will undermine that behavior. If you're lucky, you may stumble into an experience that changes your beliefs, which may sustain your behavior, but I wouldn't count on it. In general, if you change behavior but not the belief that motivated the old behavior, the old behavior will likely return. That old behavior is consistent with that view of the world. Remember, you don't choose or act based on reality. You choose and act based on your beliefs about the world. Your brain only acts based on what's in your head, which your senses and beliefs filter…

August 15, 2015

Leadership / Perception

Programmers work with computers and leaders work with people

When programmers work, the objects they work with tend to be computers. When plumbers work, they tend to work with pipes. Carpenters work with wood. Leaders work with people. People are the objects of leaders' work. Their tools are conversations---their equivalents of keyboards, wrenches, and saws. Most professions require thought, planning, and writing those plans out---programmers, plumbers, and carpenters included. After they finish planning and writing their plans, they act by working on the objects of their trade. Leaders do too. Their objects are people. When chefs train, they learn to use tools like knives. When leaders train, they learn to use tools like conversation, perception, belief, and habit skills. Not knowing how to use perception skills is like a surgeon not knowing how to…

August 8, 2015

Art / Awareness / Leadership / Perception / Relationships

More ineffable truth and beauty of regular life

The subtlety and nuance of ordinary life has more than enough to compel it without all the drama that most TV and movies add. Even sitting still for ten minutes is more excitement than most people can handle. The scene below from Girl With a Pearl Earing puts more intimacy, vulnerability, and sexuality into the slightest movement of a hand. The sensuality of mixing paints, the eye contact, and the gasp help, but just the touch is a lot. I don't think you need to see the rest of the movie, though it contributes. https://joshuaspodek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/girl_with_pearl_earring_clip.ogv More overt movies wish they could evoke the emotion and spark of this scene. I find the most interesting parts of art and life are in the subtle nuances. You…

August 4, 2015

Art / Perception / Relationships

The ineffable truth and beauty of regular life

After my series of posts lamenting the overdramatization of TV and movie dramas that misrepresent regular life (part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and after loving Woody Allen movies for decades, I watched Hannah and Her Sisters for the first time. The movie reminded me what art can express when you aren't trying to make everything jump off the screen. I can see why Roger Ebert called it Allen's best movie. I don't know how I didn't see it for almost thirty years. Like Harvey Pekar says, "ordinary life is pretty complex stuff." When you get that, dramatizing it detracts from what I consider the main point of art---to illuminate your understanding of life, nature, yourself, and important things like them. One of Hannah and…

August 3, 2015

Awareness / Perception

The nature of emotional challenges

People expect challenges to be like physical. They take on a long project that might make them lonely, anxious, or some emotion they don't like. When they think about it now, they think they'll just take a deep breath and power on. First of all, they underestimate the intensity emotions can have. More important, though, is that they don't realize what emotional challenges feel like. They can be incredibly hard to overcome or even face. Most people shy away and never face them. They sense that trying something---ask for a raise, start a company, ask out someone they find cute, etc---risks them feeling an emotion they don't want to, so they shy away from even trying. They learn to feel good not trying and feeling…

July 30, 2015

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Can I Post a Photo of a Bad Driver?

Ethicist / Nonjudgment / Perception

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Can I Post a Photo of a Bad Driver?

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one's actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today's post, "Can I Post a Photo of a Bad Driver?" During a torrential downpour one afternoon, my son and I were driving behind a dangerous driver who swerved very carelessly over the median and roadside lines several times. It was clear over the miles we were behind this person that he or she was distracted — and, I suspect, a teenager, based on the type of car. Before the driver turned off the road, I had my son take a photo, which I posted to a local forum on social media. The…

July 19, 2015

Perception / Relationships

Some people eat to support working. I think they have it backwards.

It seems standard today to eat lunch in front of the computer. I do it a lot too. Many people love their work, love eating, and are combining things they love. That makes sense to me. But many people don't love their work. They consider it a necessity to pay rent and support themselves. Many of them consider working for others their lives' fundamental activity---as in, when someone asks what they do, they talk about what they do for pay and don't talk about what they like to do otherwise. I used to think and act that way. I considered everything else in life support for working. From that perspective, eating was distracting, as were talking and everything else. Now I consider things like eating,…

July 18, 2015

Leadership / Perception

Are you motivating people for their benefit or yours?

Have you experienced someone trying to influence or lead you for their benefit, not caring about your interests? You didn't like it, did you? You probably resented them. You know what they ask you to do will help them but if you don't know it will help you, their leadership discourages you. Putting your interests before the team's discourages team mates and lead them to question your influence. They probably didn't know they were discouraging. So if they didn't know, how do you know if you are? Here's one way to find out. Think of what it means to motivate. What do you do when you motivate? What is your relationship with the people you're motivating? Think of yourself motivating at your best, whatever best…

July 17, 2015

Awareness / Freedom / Perception / Tips

How to live a life of luxury and indulgence

My mom grew up on a farm. I forget the details, but she said the family of six would have about a pound of meat for a meal (or maybe for a week). Dessert would be an apple. Americans today routinely eat over a pound of meat in one meal and turn down apples in favor of sweetened delicacies only royalty enjoyed a few generations ago. Poor Americans today have televisions, smart phones, and so on. They're cheap because we mass produce them, but a few generations ago any television was a luxury. I looked up luxury and found a few definitions. Consider these two: n. Something inessential but conducive to pleasure and comfort. a material object, service, etc., conducive to sumptuous living, usually a…

July 9, 2015

Education / Leadership / Models / Perception / Relationships / Stories

“You’re too f-ing cheap to by my book?!”

My professor cursed: "You're too fucking cheap to buy my book?!" This was an Ivy League business school. I was stunned. Class just ended and I was asking him a question, as students do. Other students probably heard as they packed their bags and left the room. He had assigned his own book for the class. A couple weeks before, the bookstore clerk told me the book would come out soon in paperback and that I could save money if I waited. The cursing came in response to my telling him this, and that I was using the library copy in the meantime. I don't remember how I reacted in the moment. I know I felt shocked, which soon turned to offense and outrage. I…

June 19, 2015

Awareness / Models / Nature / Perception

How a different model can change everything: genius, shoes, planets, the universe, humans, gods, and sex

Following up yesterday's post on how one simple change in perspective can dramatically change how you view things, which then changes how you react to them, here are a few other examples. Note that I'm not writing about right or wrong, just different beliefs and following how small changes in beliefs can lead to big changes in behavior and mood. My goal is to promote flexibility in beliefs. Running shoes Old view: The whole weight of your body lands on your heel when you run, especially if you land with your leg straight. Also you should transfer your weight from your heel straight through the center of your foot to your toes, otherwise you "overpronate." Old view result: Put shock absorbing padding under your heel…

June 5, 2015

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