A friend recommended to me an exercise I hadn’t heard of. It sounds like the Three Raisins exercise I learned from Jon Kabat-Zinn, included in my leadership book, and assign in my leadership class. She didn’t explain much about it, but my experience with experiential exercises told me that doing it would reveal more than any explanation. The exercise The instructions: Drink a hot beverage and when I think judgmental[…] Keep reading →

Have you noticed the difference between something tasting good—that you like the sensation—versus wanting more—that it motivates you to eat more, though doesn’t always taste good? If the nuance sounds foreign, I’ve written on it several times. I use it to illustrate the difference between craving and emotional reward. In my experience, the difference seems subtle until you get it. Then it’s huge. Emotional reward improves life, craving enables others[…] Keep reading →

In two days I begin my fifth year not flying. I estimate talking to about 1,000 people about not flying and that about 998 of them said that not flying would be impossible for them—not difficult or unwanted but impossible. Suddenly they’re able not to fly. Their claims of being unable to avoid flying were never a matter of reality, as they described, but a lack of motivation and imagination.[…] Keep reading →

Why am I writing so much about white males? Partly because I am one but live in a society that denigrates and silences the group. When I read about people in other groups exploring their accidents of birth—their skin color, sex, sexual preference, geographic origin—society seems to celebrate them. My city hosts parades for many groups. Does anyone wonder how much it would accept a white male parade? I expect[…] Keep reading →

Yesterday’s post Update on automatic thoughts people connect with straight white men culminated with a couple questions I found intriguing: Imagine if your entire life, every time you said you suffered, people said, “actually that’s an example of you causing others to suffer.” How would that affect your life? and: Imagine every time you said you worked hard at something, people said, “actually that’s an example of how easy your[…] Keep reading →

Last month I asked “What automatic thoughts come to you when you think of straight white men?“. I also explored the topic with Psychology Today‘s Editor-at-Large, Hara Estroff Marano, in an audio recording for a piece there, White Men and Preconceived Notions. Some updates. . . First, context. However obvious, I’ll still say that the following is a personal account with all the biases of someone just talking to the[…] Keep reading →

Psychology Today’s Editor at Large, Hara Estroff Marano, and I continue our conversations on challenging topics. Today we continue with white men and preconceived notions of us. We were talking about topics before hitting record, I started to describe the pattern that comes up a few minutes into this recording, she lit up in the way someone who has thought about something and has something to say about it does,[…] Keep reading →

Comedians joke about stereotypes. People laugh when the jokes resonate with something in their heads. Everyone is unique, but as far as I can tell, many of thoughts of groups’ stereotypes come to mind automatically. I’m not sure if we can choose any thoughts. Here is an example of Larry David joking about Jewish stereotypes: Here is an example of David Chappelle joking about black and white stereotypes: I searched[…] Keep reading →

I love my sidcha to wake up, make my bed, cross the room, and turn off my alarm within sixty seconds. Loving the sidcha doesn’t mean I love every moment of it. On the contrary, the first few moments of it feel the same as they always have. I start with the same thoughts. Over the years, my inner monologue has come to change to purposeful enthusiasm faster. But I[…] Keep reading →