Leadership

This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 3

Leadership / Models / Relationships / Visualization

This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 3

"Just do what I say." "Do it now." "John, do X. Sally, do Y. I'll do Z. Then we'll met and put everything together." Wouldn't leadership be easy if we could tell everyone what to do and they'd do it? It never seems to work like that, though, does it? Most people understand that problems come up. They don't always realize that command-and-control leadership often discourages people from working with would-be leaders who work with it. Why do people still order people around? I think one reason is how much popular media show leaders working with it. It's simple and dramatic, but rarely works. When it works, it's generally as a last resort in a crunch in an otherwise successful team. You generally need the…

July 2, 2015

Education / Leadership / Stories

This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 2

Once in high school some of the popular kids picked on me. It humiliated me. That evening I talked to a friend on the phone who told me that many people in the school felt for me and looked down on them. On the phone, I felt I had their support and started developing an idea: I would confront the kids who picked on me in a public venue, like the cafeteria, where the mass of other students would see me taking charge. They would rally behind me and we would rise victorious somehow, winning the confrontation. I didn't know how and even now I have trouble thinking what I could do, but I knew it would be dramatic and everybody would love it. Looking…

July 1, 2015

Leadership / Models / Relationships / Visualization

This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 1

"You don't understand me!" "I wish I'd never been born!" Who hasn't yelled something like that at their parents? I'm sure I did. I argued with my parents like all kids. I've grown since then and don't argue like that any more. I still disagree, I just try more to seek understanding, not to confront so adversarially. I was just in a line and overheard two workers argue. They weren't yelling, but they weren't getting anywhere near resolving their conflict. They were adults but as best I could tell hadn't grown past a juvenile way of dramatizing conflict, trying to win instead of understanding and resolving things. Their model for resolving conflict seemed something like Intensify your emotions more than the other person Talk more…

June 30, 2015

Education / Events / Leadership

Learn inquiry-driven project-based learning from experienced experts this July!

If you've talked to me about teaching in the past year, you know how much the students at Science Leadership Academy have inspired me to teach in the style of that school---that is, what they call inquiry-driven project-based learning. The first student I interacted with when she showed me around the school showed as much leadership skills as many people with MBAs I've met. I've participated and led talks at the school's EduCon annual January conferences. This summer, the week of July 20th, I'm attending their one-week Summer Teaching Institute in Philadelphia. If you're teach or lead, I predict this event will help you. It's mostly geared toward teaching K-12 teachers, but I'm going as a university professor because I've learned so much from that…

June 26, 2015

Choosing/Decision-Making / Leadership / Tips

If you can’t improve it, spending time on it wastes your time

There are a lot of things worth paying attention to and spending time on trying to affect. If you can't or won't do anything about something you don't like, it doesn't improve your life to worry about it or to take time away from something you like or can do something about. You can call it "choosing your battles" or "discretion is the better part of valor." If you're taking time from something you enjoy for something you don't that you can't or know you won't do anything about, you're choosing to make your life worse. It's not worth it. Ask yourself Will I do anything to improve this now?

June 22, 2015

Education / Leadership / Models / Perception / Relationships / Stories

“You’re too f-ing cheap to by my book?!”

My professor cursed: "You're too fucking cheap to buy my book?!" This was an Ivy League business school. I was stunned. Class just ended and I was asking him a question, as students do. Other students probably heard as they packed their bags and left the room. He had assigned his own book for the class. A couple weeks before, the bookstore clerk told me the book would come out soon in paperback and that I could save money if I waited. The cursing came in response to my telling him this, and that I was using the library copy in the meantime. I don't remember how I reacted in the moment. I know I felt shocked, which soon turned to offense and outrage. I…

June 19, 2015

Awareness / Leadership

Recovering from mistakes helps more than striving for perfection

You can learn to recover from mistakes. I don't think you can do everything perfect. Maybe you can on solo projects but not when your project involves other people with conflicting values. While I do things the best I can, I don't kid myself to think I can do them perfectly from everyone's perspective. Having the goal sets you up to find failure where you don't have to. When you own up to shortcomings or unresolved conflict, people see you as more approachable, which helps if you want to lead or influence them. Fixing your mistakes and handling fallout from them can improve your situation more than having done things perfectly from the start. I recommend learning to handle problems than kidding yourself that you…

June 17, 2015

Entrepreneurship / Exercises / Habits / Leadership / Relationships / Tips

How to make a phone call with someone you don’t know but want to help you

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status and not sure how to make the call work. She typically would talk too much about herself, which didn't get the results she wanted of the other person wanting to help her. I told her, based on "Fundamentals and technique: what you do when you don't know what to do," that in such situation I…

June 16, 2015

Education / Leadership

Student feedback on my leadership class

I asked the students from my leadership class for undergraduates at NYU last semester for the three top things they learned, the three things they valued most, and the three things they'd improve. The responses were all anonymous. I collected the information to know what to keep and what to improve for next year. Some parts might not make sense if you weren't in the class, but I thought I'd share them to show the results of how I teach leadership. I'd love to read your impressions. Not all the students responded. Each set of three responses is from a different student. Learned I learned that people aren't necessarily born leaders, that leadership (more importantly, good leadership) can be learned, practiced, and mastered. I learned…

June 8, 2015

Exercises / Fitness / Freedom / Leadership / Nature / SIDCHAs

Have you striven for excellence?

Have you put everything you had into something? Have you tried as hard as you possibly could? Have you run until you dropped? Skied as fast as you possibly could, risking injury? Decided to lift a weight you couldn't conceive of lifting and done it? Have you run sprints in the rain, alone? Have you put your name and reputation on the line for all time? Have you said no to things anyone would say yes to because the sacrifice was worth it? Have you doubted everything you thought was right because your experience taught you things school never could have taught you? Have you risked bankruptcy, friendships, jobs, your home? Have you put yourself into the unknown so deep you didn't know if you…

June 6, 2015

Education / Leadership / Nonjudgment

An experiment in delegating authority: Having students grade themselves

Last semester I experimented with giving students the responsibility of grading themselves. I think it went well enough that I plan to do it again next time, though I plan to refine the process based on what I learned. Motivation The idea resulted from a talk by Barry Salzberg, the global CEO at Deloitte, to Columbia Business School's alumni club. He talked about a challenge that since became part of his legacy at the firm. The challenge was to create standards for all Deloitte's member firms. Member firms operated independently before joining the Deloitte firm, after which they had to meet standards to continue using the brand. His challenge was that the firms' independent histories and cultures made them all agreeing to a uniform set…

June 3, 2015

Leading versus coercion

The leadership I practice, teach, and coach begins with the other person's interests. Students and clients hear me say "Put their interests first while you lead them" a lot (usually followed by "the rest of the time know and act on your interests, but put theirs first when you're leading them."). Working with their interests means working with what they care about which means working with their values. So I often ask the following to contrast with leading without knowing their interests and values: If you want to lead someone against their values, what are you doing? If you want to lead someone with their values, why would you have to convince them of anything? I find having people share their relevant motivations and then…

June 2, 2015

Leadership / Models / Relationships

We interpret leaders gloriously leading the charge backward today

Today's world presents leaders leading a group of people like a king or glorious leader, like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. It inspires people to seek that glorious position where they feel people look up to them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdlL65LD6I4 We misunderstand that view, the more I think about it. When armies went into battle then, the first person charging took the biggest risk. He made himself most vulnerable to attack, risking his life. It made sense for people to see him as a hero. Once he charged into battle, others could follow him, now safer. He supported them. Today, leaders don't take much personal risk---certainly not of death or injury, even in the military, all the more the higher their rank. Outside the military, especially business, leaders…

May 30, 2015

Art / Education / Leadership

Why do actors and entertainers become leaders more than the other way around and what can we learn from the pattern?

The other day I saw an ad for a TV show where 50 Cent was the executive producer. I don't know what role he had---maybe they're just using a star's name to get viewers---but at least the title suggests he has some leadership role. It made me think. A lot of actors, entertainers, and other performers move into leadership roles, but I rarely see it go the other way. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Same with athletes, come to think of it. People on the right wing get mad at celebrities who take up a cause, but I mean full-on leadership, not just some support. Most don't change roles, but when they do it seems to go in one direction more than the other.…

May 29, 2015

Education / Leadership / Relationships / Tips

How to get a mentor in two easy steps that work

I trust you know the value of a mentor. I'll take for granted you also know how to create a connection with someone. If not, read my Meaningful Connection exercise and my social skills exercise series. So I'll start at a point where you have at least a rudimentary dialog with someone whose mentorship will help you. Step 1: Ask them for advice Ask them for advice on something that matters to both of you. After enough time passes for you to act on the advice, go to step 2. It helps if you act on the advice, but not necessary Step 2: Tell them how acting on the advice went and ask more advice If you acted on the advice and it worked out,…

May 27, 2015

Education / Leadership

Closing remarks to my leadership class

Here is how I closed my last leadership class session a few days ago. It followed talking about Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech. We happen to have lived through a semester where the headlines show we haven't realized his dream. You only had to read the headlines for more problems. I'm volunteering for a non-profit that works on incarceration. We have children on Riker's Island in solitary confinement. Children. In our lifetimes sea levels will displace tens or hundreds of millions of people from their homes. I taught you skills. I think practicing those skills leads to values, which I consider the culmination of the course. Understanding your values and those of people around you. Awareness of values emerges from practicing leadership…

May 26, 2015

Education / Leadership

Leading people in a field is different than working in that field

Business schools teach a lot of leadership. Other vocational schools do too. I don't know them as well, but I bet the following pattern applies to them. Say someone gets their MBA and gets a job in finance. They don't start at the top of a hierarchy. If they do well they get promoted to manage people like they were. Then they get promoted to manage yet more people. They keep getting promoted, always managing people in their functional area of finance. Eventually they start general management, where they manage people who do things different than anything they have experience in---maybe people from sales, technology, and some other departments. By this point they aren't doing the functional work they did before. And they don't have…

May 13, 2015

Education / Entrepreneurship / Leadership

How much time did you waste on that project you loved?

People often ask me if I use my physics education today. You face similar questions from others, I'm sure. You probably ask them of yourself. Nobody's life follows a straight path from birth to where they are. I loved the field, but I don't publish or do physics experiments. I still love the field and can't believe everyone doesn't study it more in school. But I teach and coach leadership and entrepreneurship now. Was the six years of graduate school worth it? I don't look at the question that way anymore. I don't find evaluating the past useful. What I find useful is using the past to learn from and guide myself in the present for a better future. "Given my experience in physics, how…

May 9, 2015

Where greatness shows itself

We don't consider a quarterback great for running the plays well. We consider him great when he plays well when the play breaks down. How does he get great at playing when the play breaks down? Ironically, by running plays so many times he knows them unconsciously. It's the same in any other place leadership shows. You have to practice what you can prepare for as much as you can to prepare as best you can for what you can't predict or prepare for. In other terminology, anyone can pilot a ship in calm weather. You can tell a great pilot by how he pilots the ship when the wind gusts and the water turns white.

April 29, 2015

Creativity / Freedom / Habits / Leadership / Models

The progression of performance-based skills

Any performance-based skill development follows a similar pattern. I'll describe it for playing guitar, but it follows for leading, acting, sports, any other musical instrument, singing, etc. The instrument: First you have to learn the instrument. If you don't know its parts and how it's assembled, you can't do anything with it. Your skill: Next you have to learn how to move your fingers. You can't play music until you know scales or chords. The music: Only when you can take for granted how to move your fingers without thinking about them can you play music. Your feelings: Only when you know the piece you're playing well enough can you express yourself through it. Until now, you're playing mechanically. Now you can express yourself. You…

April 28, 2015

How you benefit yourself by leading others

Ultimately leading effectively is about the people you are leading and the community you are serving. You develop skills with experience so you act effectively, but you focus on them and their interests, which you share or have complementary ones if you want to lead with authenticity and integrity. Some people want authority to use others to get more for themselves without meeting those others' interests. I call that "using" and "coercing," not leading, though I know many don't differentiate, which I think limits their ability to lead. Only when you get past your desires do you fulfill them, knowing that you've served the purpose that first motivated you and you found others shared---the people you led and the community you served. If no one…

April 27, 2015

Freedom / Leadership

Why the rules of government prevent people who want to govern from doing what they want

The more I work with leaders and leadership, the more I distinguish between The skills to lead and The authority to coerce people to comply The more I look at concentrations of authority---mainly titled positions in corporations and government---the more I see people interested in the second who aren't interested in the first. I used to think the main purpose of the Constitution was to describe how to run the government. I'm increasingly seeing it as a way to prevent people looking for authority from getting what they want and limiting them when they do. I learned in grade school how the framers reacted to the tyranny of the king but mainly as history. Now that I see people with authority acting on it, sometimes…

April 25, 2015

Awareness / Leadership

Want to lead? Look for a leadership vacuum

"Working here sucks." "My boss is incompetent." "No one there knows what they're doing." I hear comments like these all the time from frustrated people. The more I coach, the more I see them indicate incredible opportunities. I see them as leadership vacuums---situations where no one is leading effectively but that lack leadership. People without skills to act effectively get frustrated, angry, impatient, etc and the more they feel powerless the more intense their emotions get. For people with skills, these situations are opportunities to act as the leader the project needs. People with those skills recognize other people's titles and authority don't mean they know what to do. They know someone has to do something. If they do it, they'll emerge as the leader,…

April 23, 2015

Events / Leadership

Fashion and Leadership

You're invited to an event on fashion and leadership I'm helping organize next month in New York City. My friends and incredibly dynamic speakers Coco and Breezy will be panelists. You'll be glad you attended. From the registration page: Connecting the dots Today, the fashion world is more global than ever before. Opportunities and competition exist in abundance as geographic and cultural boundaries have disappeared. Yet, it sometimes seems harder than ever to cross the divide between buying and selling, whether it's a new manufacturer or an existing retailer. How does one create a product that makes it into the final customer's hands? What are buyers looking for when they source their vendors? How should Vendors aim to make themselves appealing? Who are the deciders…

April 13, 2015

What makes relationships last: resolving conflict

Leadership / Visualization

What makes relationships last: resolving conflict

Do you remember how your favorite relationships started? Business, personal, or whatever, you felt mutual attraction to work together, play together, or whatever. Something about the other person made you want to interact with them. Do you remember how your relationships ended? Sometimes you or they change and you lose interest. No problem. Often you want to keep the relationship yet it ends unhappily. Many people blame differences you couldn't overcome. I suggest the key point in those cases is not the differences but your inability to overcome them. No two people agree on everything. Every pair of people have differences. I suggest the key to making relationships last is not finding people you agree with perfectly. That doesn't exist. Nor avoiding problems. You can't…

April 3, 2015

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