Leadership

Do you know you want to improve something about your life but never seem able to? Do you find yourself always trying to understand your problems but never overcoming them? Or just saying you're just this way and can't do anything about it, even though you know other people who were like you learned to get past it? You probably have internal objections and blocks stopping you. External hurdles are much easier to overcome. Some people never learn to overcome internal ones. Read my series on some common objections and blocks, "Overcoming Objections and Blocks -- The Series," and how to overcome them. Overcoming blocks and internal objections is one of the most important skills to improve your life. Nail a few of these and…

How to up-lead After my leadership seminars, someone always says "This material is great. I can see how it will improve my life. I'm starting to implement it. But you know who could really use it? My boss!" Most of my clients who have problems at work wish they could change their bosses, a process I call up-leading or up-managing. Come to think of it, our success developing up-leading skills seems a major reason people work with me. It seems a big and common need. A few changes in beliefs and learning a few new skills overcomes most of the problems, but they can be hard to get to take root. Today I'll write a few notes on how to do it. If you want…

When you try to lead someone who doesn't feel understood you ruin your your chances of leading them. I want to emphasize in this post the difference between understanding someone and them feeling understood. You understanding someone happens in your head. Them feeling understood happens in their head. People don't act on what's in your head. They act on what's in their heads. Here's what trying to lead someone without them feeling understood is like. Imagine you walked into a store and before you told anyone what you wanted, a salesperson walked up to you and said "I know what you want. Here it is," and handed you something to buy. Almost certainly they would offer you something you didn't want. Even if they handed…

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Making someone feel understood is a powerful leadership tool that makes the difference between motivating with external incentives, which merely guide, and internal emotions, which motivate from within. With practice you'll be able to evoke passions and inspire. They'll often feel gratitude toward you for the inspiration, even as they contribute more than usual. You'll be surprised at how enthusiastically and fully people contribute when they feel understood about emotions that matter to them but find difficult to share. I've written about the…

One of my clients has a boss who hoards information and responsibility and doesn't give him the support he needs to do his job. Naturally, he wants to influence his boss to lead him better---that is, he wants to lead his boss. You have to see people as people first and positions on organization charts second, take responsibility, and lead them if you want to influence them. The first step I advise in leading anyone is awareness---in this case, understanding the motivations of the person you want to lead. If you don't understand their motivations, you'll have a hard time influencing them. As common as his boss's behavior is, everyone's motivation is different. Until he knows his boss's behavior, trying to influence him will likely…